After the first date...

[MFax74]

I still prefer my approach (not surprisingly, I guess). You can flesh it out a bit if you'd like. "Sorry we haven't connected recently. Still interested in another date but haven't gotten much sense that you're interested. If you are, hit me up." There - done.

Hint - if his next contact is over three days away, he's only "interested" when he has absolutely nothing else going on. Usually that means "nothing good on TV", as well.

Lex

Lex, I went ahead and texted him something along those lines... Thank you for the suggestion. I guess I'll see where it goes, but I don't expect to hear from him. Good advice, I really do mean that.

[Lexington]

Yeah, definitely see if you can pin down a date and time. You can always add a disclaimer - "if that date/time ends up not working for you, just let me know, and we'll try to reschedule".

Lex

[LJay]

MFax, I think it must be a result of having cell phones to babble into. I notice that a lot of people end up talking back and forth several times when they could just set a date--for anything from golf to shopping to painting the fence--and have done with it.

[trywait]

That frustrates me, because when we talked he said "Monday or Tuesday" and I said "would you like to come to me, or should I come to you this time?" He said we can discuss that later, as it's still a few days out... Maybe that should've been my red flag. Of course you can't blame me when he says "of course I'm still interested!" with such enthusiasm.

awww...the dating game. the back and forth. just want to point out, if he's "into" you as well, he will make an effort as well.

play it cool even though the anticipation is nerve-racking

[MFax74]

He got back to me, apologized, said he has a great opportunity for a dream job and has been crazy busy, but still wants to meet up again. I just said it's always nice to hear from him, and to let me know if/when he's ready.

Taking that with a grain of salt. He obviously has time to update his Grindr. I'm busy too, but I value the person I'm interested in enough to take time out of my day for him. Anyway, I'm gonna keep looking/dating around. If he calls, then great. If not, then so be it.

[RainV]

The way I see it and based on personal experiences, when someone is genuinely interested in something, he/she would find a time for it, no matter how busy they are. The only reasons I could find for them not to answer a simple message (how are you/hello) or something is a personal tragedy (the loss of a loved one), a very bad illness, the phone was break down or stolen and so on. From what I read the guy apologized with the excuse that he was ultra busy because of a good job, but if he was able to take 5 minutes to update his grindr profile I think he should have had 2 minutes to type a simple answer, even if he had to do it at 2:00 a.m. before he went to bed. I believe 2-5 minutes a day won’t take the job opportunity away from him.

Maybe he looked very interested in the first date, but the fact that he updated his profile in grindr seems to me like the recruiting office for possible candidates is up and runnin’. You were certainly an option, but apparently he’s willing to try more. Not that you weren’t good enough or did something wrong, some guys are just like that: they like to have options before deciding to date someone with exclusivity. They keep all the doors opened and once they make up their minds they just close the rest. I take it after you dated him you didn’t keep searching for other options in Grindr, right?.

You can be patient, give him the benefit of doubt and wait till he is able to find a bit of time for you or if he decides that you’re the best of the options. Tough in my humble opinion it will be less distressing to move on and keep meeting other guys. You know, “Truth hurts, but doubt kills”.

Also, I think that you had a big achievement by having your first dating experience. With time and practice I’m sure you will identify the red flags and would be able to find someone that shares your interests and that you feel comfortable with. Keep up the spirit and good luck!!!!.

Greetings,

RainV

[MFax74]

RainV--That wasn't my first dating experience, but every time I felt a mutual interest in each other from previous first dates, the other guy would be in touch pretty quickly! So this time I was the proactive one.

So far I have been doing a good job of moving on... =) I am open to seeing him again obviously, but there are lots of other cuties out there I can date and see how well I vibe with.

Also, your picture is Manny Calavera... Very cool.