Deal Breakers

[InbetweenDreams]

For those of you who might be familiar with the TV show "30 Rock" I'm going to ask about things that are total turn offs and what things you would enforce on your boyfriends?

One thing that comes to mind is would you or do you allow your boyfriend to talk to other gay guys? Use dating apps/websites? Where is the line drawn?

I've always felt that if I met the right guy that I would not feel inclined to enforce any kind of rules on him. I feel that I should be able to trust him completely and feel that completely honesty with each other, good and bad, is key.

But....is that approach even healthy in a relationship? I feel it is a bit like a fairy tale. Would I be placing someone that I feel is special in my mind that they are too perfect and could never do no wrong or hurt me, stop loving me and so on.

So I ask, what is reasonable, fair and a healthy approach? Where do you draw the line?

[VirgoMasquerade]

cheating

unnecessary bitchiness

hateful ( to you or those around you )

using dating site even when dating you

[InbetweenDreams]

cheating

unnecessary bitchiness

hateful ( to you or those around you )

using dating site even when dating you

Well cheating is definitely an obvious one. Would you end it with them if they did it once? Hard to come up with a more favorable circumstance, maybe they felt awful about it (and they should anyway). I think I would definitely be devastated by it and I certainly would think things would not be the same if I were to push on, because it breaks that initial trust and that they might not be quite so in love with you as you thought they were...

Unnecessary bitchiness... What is unnecessary, someone that complains about everything I am guessing? Price of gas, politics, work stress? Things you do? It is something I worry about, because I do have my moods where I basically need to be away, doesn't happen to often but usually there's underlying cause....lack of sleep, food... Really bad day at work or something... I think someone being hateful comes into this category too...I guess the question is whether these things are just out of the blue or some kind of provocation... My problem is that I hate being wrong... Which is why I try to stay away from politics... God it pisses me off lol

Dating sites.... Me personally I don't have no use for them, especially now that I'm dating...actually went ahead and deleted my profile and all the apps...officially on zero. It did become a habit to use them, even when I wasn't talking to anyone... I'd go into the bathroom and just browse around like I'm flipping pages through a magazine or something. One thing I have come across with a lot of couples is that they have this mistrust about their partner and get on all these dating apps to spy on their partner. I think that is a big red flag that it isn't going to work... Got to be able to trust them.

[VirgoMasquerade]

Well cheating is definitely an obvious one. Would you end it with them if they did it once? Hard to come up with a more favorable circumstance, maybe they felt awful about it (and they should anyway). I think I would definitely be devastated by it and I certainly would think things would not be the same if I were to push on, because it breaks that initial trust and that they might not be quite so in love with you as you thought they were...

I'm a very loyal person, So if you cheat on me once? Get the stepping. As far as bitchiness I mean that like their always rude to you or acting very childish all the time by throwing fits when something doesn't go their way we want a grown man not a 4-year-old in a gay man's body. And who would want to be with someone that's hateful their always bitter sometimes racist not a very nice thing to be around

[InbetweenDreams]

I know that feeling. I talked to one guy on a dating app and I could tell right from the get go that it was a no go... Basically he was the type that expected his guy serve him and nothing in return and filled with all kinds of drama.

The reason why I made the thread really is mostly due to my own insecurities about relationships. I'm dating a really great guy and I want to get ideas of what could be bad things or things to refrain from doing... You're probably getting the wrong idea, I'm very loyal and trusting I don't intend on using dating apps and I most certainly would never cheat on him and never have on anyone else I've dated. Basically to construct in my head what is normal, fair expectations, part of it could never come from a forum I think I'll have to figure some things out on my own.

I do have my flaws, some which he might not even give a 2nd thought about, and on the contrary I might think I have certain qualities that he might see as flaws...AH...I think I'm getting a little off base..

I'm wondering if I've not really communicated well enough to try to express what I'm trying to get at....

What I don't want to do is be unrealistic, I have this imaginary view on what I think a relationship should consist of...more of a vision than something i can write down on paper... I want to get rid of the unrealistic expectations I might have...and may not be aware of...if that makes any sense...

[TwisttheLeaf]

Dishonesty. This includes lying, cheating, omission, etc. I do not tolerate dishonesty and if someone, whether my partner/boyfriend or a friend or whoever, seems to think it's ok? They don't belong in my life.

Monogamy. (This would include not using dating sites, not cybering/texting/whatever with others, etc. I don't care if he talks to other gay people, or has gay friends either, as long as it's not intimate.) No need to enforce it. [MENTION=20938]Gideon[/MENTION] is way too obsessed to wander. But, at this point in our relationship, if he wanted to change things (for some reason) to an open relationship? I'd walk.

Communication is important. Gid and I are on the same page with damned near everything. We have (and do) discuss it all, and we either agree... or we come to a compromise that we both like and are comfortable with. There's no need to "enforce" anything. It works just the way it is.

Lack of hygiene. 'Nuff said.

Chewing with one's mouth open. Is it a dump-able offense? No. But it is one that will quickly irritate the FUCK out of me. So if it is something done all the time? Yeah, I wouldn't be around for long. It's just not something I could tolerate long term.

[strider65]

I think for me personally that cheating wquld be way down on the list of things I would be upset about...

If you read gay relationship advice columnist, and many others who share that school of thought, men are not biogically designed to be monogamous and it's an unrealistic expectation. we are also programmed to be possessive... so where do gay men fall in that? guess if you are uncomfortable with something that is where you should draw the line

I've known couples that have opened up their relationship and it has caused trouble for a variety of reasons... guess everyone has to find their balance

guess my own personal dealbreakers would be meth or opiate use like Lortabs or Oxy which are rampant in rural Kentucky... I smoke weed, but meth is an entirely different animal. another would be if the person was dominated by his mother into his 30s and 40s

guess everyone's experience is different

[strider65]

another would be if anyone ever hit me. that is automatic call the cops and have them supervise the situation while you move your shit out of there. that is zero tolerance.

[strider65]

advice columnist Dan Savage, who tends to be quite blunt, was who I was referring to earlier.

[InbetweenDreams]

Yeah I don't think I would tolerate an abusive partner... I've been pissed, I've had some exes who really pushed my buttons, but it does seem to older I get the more chill I am...I couldn't say anything at 16...but that's 16 for you.

I would never hit my partner...well unless he hit me. Might play and horse around but I'd never do something to inflict bodily harm.

No drugs. I used to smoke pot, did it for 10 years roughly... I won't go into all the reasons why I stopped, but I'm glad I did. I don't regard pot as a bad thing, but I don't need it and really no one else does. I'll be happy to argue my point of view on pot in another thread

I have also dated guys who did painkillers and yeah I think it is pretty damn stupid.
[MENTION=20738]TwisttheLeaf[/MENTION] I HATE people who jawsmack, or chew with their mouth open. My dad does it and drives me insane...