Deal Breakers

[strider65]

does he know what your favorite color is? what your favorite flower is that makes you grin if you get it

mine is green, and white roses, but don't have anyone who's asked me that in ages, lol

[strider65]

lol insertnamehere we would probably have a good conversation dude

don't get cocky with a Business major who had to endure a semester of Logic at University.

the etymology of "drugs" is contextual to the culture using the term

and I stand by my philosophical stance with Ram Dass and Timothy Leary who were both professors at Harvard that the term 'drugs' is contextual within whatever culture is using that term.

[strider65]

my guess psychiatically is that there were some substance abuse issues in your family very early and to this day you see that projected into the dynamics of a potential relationship.

it's not fair to project your early issues onto innocent pot smokers in 2015.

as I had mentioned earlier, meth is a dealbreaker for me personally. I had never heard of Lortabs until I moved to Kentucky, but I've seen a close friend OD on them and I attended her funeral.

Don't combine opiods with massive amounts of alcohol. you drop off to sleep and you don't wake up.

don't mean this in offense, just saying, the world quite often is gray... not always black and white.

[InbetweenDreams]

does he know what your favorite color is? what your favorite flower is that makes you grin if you get it

mine is green, and white roses, but don't have anyone who's asked me that in ages, lol

Yes I do know what his favorite color is, it is green...same as me

I had some xmas ideas and I would have gone ahead and done it despite the cost, the thing is well I think it would be a bit much and probably silly but there are birthdays which I probably need to find out when that is...

Well he's taken me out to dinner, twice. He's always been very sweet, considerate and we have a fair amount of things in common, not everything...but for instance we both know a good deal about computers, he's more into programming and I'm more into database/reporting...so there is a nice overlap on that. I think he's gone out of his way to spend time with me seeing that it is the end of the semester and he's taking 7 classes plus his capstone and working part time and all sorts of stuff...He's clearly much busier than I am, I only have a regular job to worry about...and a cat. I think the big thing about him is that he's kind of a role model, someone I can look up to. I say that because one I discovered GS through him and 2nd is he lost 100+ lbs, which for me has been a struggle and if I can get results anything like what he's been able to do I'm going for it, but it is his determination. I don't want to spill it all but if there's something he's after he's going to get it sooner or later and I think he is someone I should take advice from and see him as motivation to reach my goals.

I know I'm still crushing on him but if I can make him as happy as I have been for the last month since I've met him I want to do it for a lifetime.... Now I understand Rome wasn't built in a day and neither are relationships. There's even a fair chance he might not see that in me... but time will do the telling on that. Right now I want to enjoy our time together, be myself, get to know each other better and hope we feel the same in the end.

I know relationships aren't all lovey dovey all the time as they usually are with dating, there are good times and bad times. People lose jobs, people get sick, money issues, arguments, who ate all the ice cream? All sorts of thing I have yet to experience. However I feel if I keep improving myself, mentally, physically I may just have a shot to not screw it up.

Mind you this is has only been 4 dates and nothing is officially official, but he truly is a sweet guy and I feel has a lot to offer.

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As for drugs....

Cigarettes, Pot, K2 (synthetic marijuana), Painkillers, LSD, Excessive drinking, Cocaine, Meth, Uppers, downers...all arounders...

Anything that could be considered mind altering..

So probably wondering...what's my beef with weed?

Yes cannabis has great medicinal value and all sorts of wonderful things, except for chronic users. I used to be a chronic user...morning, afternoon, evening and night...I smoked all the time. I became a different person, my day involved around when can I smoke again. I basically lost my drive, I basically was satisfied with the crap I was in, felt ok so long as I stayed stoned... Not to mention being lazy. I know not everyone gets carried away, but most people I see actually are pretty deep into it and aren't going anywhere.

That's been my personal experience with it and I don't want to be with someone who does it.

[Aquarius]

My top deal breakers can all be sorted into one group, and that is if he is doing dangerous things on purpose - both for fun or for a living. I'd have serious issues with that. It includes drugs, military, having extreme hobbies like bungee jumping, skydiving etc. I just couldn't take that, I'd run.

Other than that, big political, economical or religious differences would be an issue, but not as much as the above.

Then there are some smaller ones that might be turning me off, some of what the previous posters already wrote.

[Insertnamehere]

lol insertnamehere we would probably have a good conversation dude

don't get cocky with a Business major who had to endure a semester of Logic at University.

the etymology of "drugs" is contextual to the culture using the term

and I stand by my philosophical stance with Ram Dass and Timothy Leary who were both professors at Harvard that the term 'drugs' is contextual within whatever culture is using that term.

Dude, you had me at "Hello"....I mean ..at your first post directed at me. Then you had me with "Harvard". We will have those conversations man. Trust you me.

A little bit of what is the context of my thought: science is framed, defined, rather black and white. It is or it isn't, it can be proven or it cannot, something is defined as A and not B.

Any kind of anthropological influence on the definition of "drug" is sort of lost on me. I believe you, though, that culture changes context greatly.

A drug is defined as any kind of chemical that can have a biological effect. As you can see, that includes...pretty much anything.

So, when in a non-specific context, in a Westernized environment, you have a 99% chance of "drug" meaning any of the illegal bad ones, or so I've observed over the years.

[InbetweenDreams]

That is another thing that kind of worries me... I have an ok job....it's secure it's one that I will always have unless I leave...or manage to get myself fired. But I'm not rich, I do ok, not going to say how much I make, but for the area I'm in, it's nothing to complain about, a lot of people have it much worse. I can afford to do things a lot of people can't.

But what about someone who say...makes double or hell triple what I make. I mean I would never take advantage of someone like that but I feel that my partner would feel like I'm not contributing enough or if I somehow lose my job that they might see me as a moocher... I've never been in any sort of situation if anything been the other way around. I actually had to end a relationship years ago because my partner at the time, lost their job and simply would not look for one... no matter what lengths I tried... I even brought him to my job...forgot about this one...where I worked on computers all day. Well instead of showing my boss (which was an asshole) that he had any knowledge...he gets into a pissing match with him...hell I almost lost my job for bringing him in! So yeah that was different... I mean if I fell in love with someone who made $10 /hr, I'm fine with that.

The other thing that popped in my head...say me or my partner...one of us is in something like really bad car wreck...one of us is disabled, permanently.... Probably not going to work again, be able to drive so on. Would you leave them? Or stick with them? Me... I would want to make it work, I would at the very least try. I couldn't just stop loving someone and I just wouldn't give up on someone...if they're brain dead, in a coma... man that's just unimaginable and hopefully never happens to anyone but when I'm committed I'm just not going away that easy.

[TwisttheLeaf]

Do you have Misophonia? I can't abide noises like that. It is almost a painful sensation. Along with things like slurping drinks, sucking fingers to clean them off after eating something, and other wet mouth-smacking noises, tutting. Actually unbearable.

Nah man. But I have auditory -->tactile/gustatory/olfactory synesthesia. I don't think it's a part of my dislike for those noises in particular tho. I think those particular sounds are just.... disgusting.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I guess I should add recreational drugs to the list... and this includes alcohol. I don't really have an issue with alcohol, or pot, or even the occasional ecstasy.

My issue is when they either 1) become what I consider a heavy user, or 2) begin acting erratically. I have an issue with the erratic and/or idiotic behavior that often becomes a part of drug use, yeah?

[dimondd]

But....is that approach even healthy in a relationship? I feel it is a bit like a fairy tale. Would I be placing someone that I feel is special in my mind that they are too perfect and could never do no wrong or hurt me, stop loving me and so on.

So I ask, what is reasonable, fair and a healthy approach? Where do you draw the line?[/QUOTE]


I would say cheating. I could come back from anything but that really.

Cant see myself being physically abused with my kill or be killed mentality. What kills, is trust issues and when you re-visit trust over and over and over again, then its over for me.

I'm in love and its a first. He loved me even though i contacted my exes. He always stated that many others would walk away. So now I do not contact any of my exes unless they contact me. Guess what? They don't!!! I doubt that cared enough anyway. So i promised to put him first and to stop trying to be friends with guys who were no where near as loyal as him!!! Lesson Learnt!!!