coffee dates

[InbetweenDreams]

From reading the OP seems to me kind of all over the place... I know I have in the past had trouble expressing myself clearly and can easily get the wrong idea. I do think mentioning whether someone had a boat or a sports car or a house or whatever does kind of make people wonder what your motives are. If you don't care whether this guy has a boat or lives in a caravan then what is it about them that makes you not want to go on another coffee date...I'm sure the coffee place has other crap besides coffee...at least the ones here in the states do.

Anyway lets not be ganging up on someone, things typed up on a forum may not be as they appear. Some recent events I have had happen on a particular site would seem pretty bad while the truth and all the other circumstances and actions were all reasonable...although I was still in the wrong legit. Basically shit can be a bit more deep than what they may be.

We're human, we're strange, illogical, complicated creatures.

My best advice to the person posting the OP is if you want to take them home and hug them and squeeze them, name them George. Be suggestive...you don't have to be blunt...just fit it on an exit...say hey maybe sometime maybe you can come over and have dinner and watch a movie...

Don't know how to cook? Learn how. I made a ginger glazed mahi-mahi for a date...and it's easy to do too...

I know all about being shy and nervous...so nervous you couldn't drive a needle in my ass with a sledgehammer...but try loosening up. The best way to get over your social anxiety is by exposure, talk to people about it...you'll find a lot of people feel the same way.

As for the accusations that this person is out to use guys... Eh...could it be the case? Maybe. I don't think it is entirely wrong to seek out someone who say had a job and a car...or an education. When it comes to paying tabs...yeah you probably need to at least pay half...especially on the first date... The rule I follow is whoever is doing the asking should pay...so if you're asking then you should pay...doesn't mean every time, just make it so it balances out 50/50. Don't expect someone to pay for you either, if you can't afford it then don't do it or depend on them to do it.

Is he self- centered? Sure. He's human right? I haven't met a person who wasn't self centered. If someone says they aren't they lie... Now being a spoiled brat and wanting something they can't have and pitching a fit...well that's just being a whinny bitch.

Anyway just my thoughts on the matter. I try not to be too judgmental with people...but if I feel I have enough facts I will grill them. I do call people on their crap and have done so when it really wasn't appropriate to do so. It happens and you move on.

[MikeW]

...We're human, we're strange, illogical, complicated creatures....

[Anonymous]

Thanks [MENTION=23180]axle2152[/MENTION]

[Anonymous]

I like how some people on the internet only ever show the nice respectable side of themselves, narcissists who are not very honest but when somebody is very honest and bares their soul, instead of genuinely trying to understand and understanding these feelings do exist, they take it upon themselves to show how morally superior they are

Why is it bad to want to be spoiled a bit. Men have been doing it to women forever. Love can also exist there so strong. So many gay men are terrified of it and will be alone forever, some men will even turn gay because they think it's cheaper or easier

mutual masturbation is like wanking in front of a mirror
.

[Fuzzy]

Well, you came to a help site looking for opinions, the opinions you were given apparently did not meet your expectations.
But you had people tell you what they thought. Really any advice is good advice (even if its bad) because you get to see what another human thinks.
So take whats given and value it even if you dont like it. IE if you were given a "crappy" gift would you toss it due to it being crappy? Or cherish it because someone took the time to get you something? It sounds like you would do the first.

Things that are worth having take time and work and im NOT being "morally superior" im being realistic. If you have something take off like a rocket its most likely for the wrong reasons and the rocket may fall as fast as it rose.

Go on a date with a guy, explain to him what you want, try to be something more to him than a pretty face and you will have many long cuddles in the future. And be appreciative of whats given to you, the guy is spending valuable time with you and paying your tab, if for no other reason respect him for that. And dont say "I do respect him" not texting someone back is NOT a show of respect!

You say your alone now and have been dating a while, it also sounds like your handsome/cute with all the dates then clearly your doing something wrong. So try out some of the advice given and see if in the near future your getting the cuddles you want!

[InbetweenDreams]

I like how some people on the internet only ever show the nice respectable side of themselves, narcissists who are not very honest but when somebody is very honest and bares their soul, instead of genuinely trying to understand and understanding these feelings do exist, they take it upon themselves to show how morally superior they are

Why is it bad to want to be spoiled a bit. Men have been doing it to women forever. Love can also exist there so strong. So many gay men are terrified of it and will be alone forever, some men will even turn gay because they think it's cheaper or easier

mutual masturbation is like wanking in front of a mirror
.

Well honestly I think it is a human characteristic. We want to be better than we really are. There's also my inner view of myself, how I see myself, how I think others might see me. Just like people who read a debatable article and start talking about what they would have done better...when really probably would have done the same or worse. Not jumping on anyone's response here because I do think they had some valid points and everyone's moral code will be different...we have people from all over the globe. What I think is ok will be different from someone in the UK, or India...or heck someone right down the road from me.

As for being spoiled. I can't say I agree with what you're implying entirely. I mean if you're dating someone only because they have material possessions like a boat or a house, that's not really the right way to go either. It is kind of shortsighted, here's why. There's no way to be sure things will work out and someone who is rich also isn't stupid. Got a good documentary called "Born Rich," and trust me, if someone suspects you're a "gold digger" then probably going to end quickly...that's number one. The second reason, they might not always be rich or have their boat or house or whatever, they can go bankrupt. Are you going to leave them high and dry when shit hits the fan? Third reason, most importantly, you should love them for who they are not what they have, but perhaps I'm modest (said the guy with a sports car and and expensive stereo equipment and crap). I do have a lot of crap, I would be happy to trade it all in to win someone's heart over and be scraping by. I think there's a Beatles song about this.

But if you really want to be spoiled why not do it to yourself? If you have (or get) an education you can likely find a better job and wind up with your own boat, car, house or expensive stuff. Not to mention you would be able to spoil your partner and I think that is better than being spoiled myself.

Anyway, some food for thought.

[Anocxu]

I like how some people on the internet only ever show the nice respectable side of themselves, narcissists who are not very honest but when somebody is very honest and bares their soul, instead of genuinely trying to understand and understanding these feelings do exist, they take it upon themselves to show how morally superior they are

Honesty is not a pardon..
People on the internet that are fake are eventually revealed..

he has his own place, great, so we meet for a coffee, we get on well and meet for another date, it goes well again, conversation flows and then when we say goodbye he says we will do it again soon and sure enough on our third date we go for a coffee and fine ok its fine! then a few days later he texts would I like to go for a coffee, I never text him again..

Why is it bad to want to be spoiled a bit. Men have been doing it to women forever.

Yeah I figured my post would rattle you up..
Then it confirmed who was actually hiding behind the anonymous post.

There are tons of guys that would love to go out on a date and would probably put in way more effort than you have .

.. Your post is really about "Things" and "Stuff" that everyone else has or don't have..
There isn't an ounce of emotional investment in anything you wrote.
Why do your posts rattle "Me" up a bit ..?
Hmm.. Gee .. I don't think you have considered the fact that you might be hurting some of these guys ?

Ok.. so one guy didn't have a boat..one had his own place..
One had a caravan..
What do you have to offer?
I get it you're a good looking guy ..
You love to live it up and you go clubbing ..club hopping.. you're outgoing. . It's easy for you to meet people. .easier for you to line up dates..
Is it fair to say these circumstances are limiting you from committing?

You are not taking your dates seriously. . That's the truth.

mutual masturbation is like wanking in front of a mirror
.

Just like 1 and 1 will always make two..

Hugs

[Anonymous]

Clubbing.. no
Club hoping.. no
Outgoing.. no

wrong on all 3 counts

easy to line up a date.. no

I find it nerve wracking, I can barely sleep the night before

I have met 3 men in a year, you probably meet more people than that in one night Anocxu.. stupid Yank getting it more and more wrong as you go

What have I got to offer.. lots! I'm a good person, people like me, I am kind, I'm not an idiot

It's not about him having a boat, it's about him telling an odd lie and then saying he's moving --- see how I feel about long distance relationships

Oh yes people only get rattled when they tell the truth about them, yeah right.

1 and 1 also makes 11.. well done Anocxu

[morgan]

What seems to be the problem? What is it that you want?

[Beaux]

I like how some people on the internet only ever show the nice respectable side of themselves, narcissists who are not very honest but when somebody is very honest and bares their soul, instead of genuinely trying to understand and understanding these feelings do exist, they take it upon themselves to show how morally superior they are

Why is it bad to want to be spoiled a bit. Men have been doing it to women forever. Love can also exist there so strong. So many gay men are terrified of it and will be alone forever, some men will even turn gay because they think it's cheaper or easier

mutual masturbation is like wanking in front of a mirror
.

Hiding behind a brown-paper bag isn't "Honest". Stop your whining and grown up. Your biggest problem is You....and you are a First-World Problem to boot! Get Over Yourself.
~Beaux