Confused, sad, scared

[noname]

First time posting here so bare with me! Really need some advice... (sorry for the long post)

Some back info on me and my relationship...me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and a half now and live together. Everything is going great. Just recently 4 months ago his mom got in a car accident while walking and got hit by a car and got a brain injury. She's doing pretty good but my boyfriend has been off work most of that time and both me and him (on my days off), and his dad care for her at home. None of this has anything to do with what I need advice on but thought I would share for more info for you.

Today I was heading back home from helping him and his dad care for his mom for awhile (We live an hour away from his parents). When I get home I get this weird message from someone I didn't know telling me to check craigslist under the casual encounters section. I do and find a post for someone my boyfriends age with 2 pictures that he has sent to me before and no one else should have them but me and him. The ad describes everything he would be looking for exactly if he were to look. I completely trust my boyfriend and he's very upfront and open about anything and would never lie to me. I texted him immediately just a vague message of "Babe?". He responds "what" right away. It takes me a little bit to respond thinking of what to say and he calls me (he wouldn't do that normally). And I ask him "are you cheating on me? What's going on??" and explain the ad and the message I got from whoever it was. He tells me to send him the link to the ad so I hang up and look on my phone to send it and the ad said "the AUTHOR has deleted this post". I still had it up on my laptop to I take pictures and send it to him and he had texted me saying he had "FLAGGED" it for removal. Tells me he's embarrassed these pics are out there and doesn't know how it would happen and starts turning it around on me that I don't trust him. I always have believed him and love him to death but at the same time with what just happened I don't know what to believe. Nothing like this has ever happened.

I just don't know what to do or where to go from here. It would kill me to find out he's cheated on me or that he wants to or wants to break up. But I'd rather know than go on with life with this going on behind my back. It just seems fishy that he said he flagged it to be removed and when I look it says the author deleted it. I tested it out on other random ads from other people and when you flag it, it says that it was flagged for removal (not the message that I got on the ad with his pics).

I just don't know what to do. I'm so confused. I thought we were happy.

Sorry for the long post!

[jimcrackcorn]

Looks like you caught your boyfriend doing a no-no..........

He may have only been looking for attention,,, some guys like to have strangers complement them on how good they look in a picture. It makes them feel desirable......... This type of thing doesn't necessarily mean that he no longer loves you, it's just his way of getting attention from people who find him desirable,,,, without actually having sex with them.

Or,,,,,,,,, he might be taking steps to have anonymous sex with some stranger!!

At any rate, you can no longer trust that he is being safe (as in safe sex),,, so you need to make sure YOU are practicing safe-sex when you two are together.

You can work this out,,, but the first step is for him to admit he's at fault,, and also admit that any trust issues you may have concerning him - is also his fault...

You need to set down with each other and talk about this at length,,, and do it in a calm and orderly fashion so you can both find a way to get past this problem. Let him calmly explain why he did it,,, and then you can work on ways to resolve the issues that he has created.

Remember,, relationships are complicated, and require a lot of effort to keep on tract. There will be difficult times like you are experiencing right now, and you will sometimes want to just chuck it over a bridge and be done with it... But if he is a good man who treats you well,,, then it's worth working on.

Sincerely,
Jim

[noname]

But how do I bring it up to him? We talked about it and he keeps saying that I should trust him and all that. Which I thought I did. I'm just so sad and confused and wish I would have some answers to what's going on. This isn't something that I would ever picture him doing which is why this is so shocking and makes me believe he did it. But how else would those pics (that he sent to me a few days ago) get put up on the internet?

I want to talk about it but he's not the type to do that without a huge argument. Once he says he doesn't want to talk about something I don't dare bring it up.

[meridannight]

this probably is not going to be helpful but...

...that's pretty clumsy to use pictures you have given your boyfriend to look for sex in a public space of the internet. you should use pictures where you are not recognizable, or/and which your partner does not know about. everybody who looks to cheat should be aware of this basic common sense.

in this whole thing you are forgetting the single most crucial detail --- the third party (?) who informed you to get on craigslist and check. whoever that third party was is the one who might have posted them. because the chances of some third person stumbling upon the ad and pictures of your partner just after it had gone up are next to nonexistent. whoever reacted to it so fast must have been the one who put it up. which is not to say the third person is not your boyfriend, but why then would he text you the information would be the next thing you need an explanation for.... the whole thing doesn't add up anywhere.

so, there's gotta be an explanation for that 3rd person. and that's the key point here.

[noname]

By the time I got this weird message the ad had already been up for about an hour. I still have it up on my computer and it makes me so sad every time I look at it. I want to talk to him about it but idk how to bring it up again. I'm just so confused. Why he would do that to me? He had to of did it unless he sent them to someone. Ugh! I'm just so...so...idk anymore

[jimcrackcorn]

But how do I bring it up to him? We talked about it and he keeps saying that I should trust him and all that. Which I thought I did. I'm just so sad and confused and wish I would have some answers to what's going on. This isn't something that I would ever picture him doing which is why this is so shocking and makes me believe he did it. But how else would those pics (that he sent to me a few days ago) get put up on the internet?

I want to talk about it but he's not the type to do that without a huge argument. Once he says he doesn't want to talk about something I don't dare bring it up.

Lets face it,,,, he screwed up and got caught... He's too embarrassed to discuss it with you,,, and his only way of stopping the conversation is to start an argument,,, and he knows you will then back-down and let it go.

The only thing you may be able to get out of him right now is an apology. In a few days he may be a little more willing to talk about it,, so give him some time.

Make sure you two are using protection when having sex,, his mistakes could be costly to you as well.

Jim

[meridannight]

By the time I got this weird message the ad had already been up for about an hour. I still have it up on my computer and it makes me so sad every time I look at it. I want to talk to him about it but idk how to bring it up again. I'm just so confused. Why he would do that to me? He had to of did it unless he sent them to someone. Ugh! I'm just so...so...idk anymore

i corrected it:

By the time I got this weird message the ad had only been up for about an hour.

an hour is a very short amount of time to randomly stumble on an ad of someone you know. i'd have a talk with that 3rd person.

[Beaux]

I have been where you are. He is only bringing up your "lack of trust" because he doesn't know any other way to turn the blame back on you. The fact that he is trying to shift the blame should say more to you than anything.
Take care of yourself. Do not let him make this into something you did wrong. You may wish otherwise, but is there really any doubt at this point what he has been up to...?
~Beaux

[Darius]

So, you get a weird message from "someone you don't know" and you immediately begin to mistrust your bf? How do you know this someone isn't trying to cause trouble for you? I would have immediately questioned the motive of the stranger.

[East]

He lied to you. Let it sink in...be calm while it is sinking in...and then proceed with open eyes. He is not the man you thought he was. Only you can decide if it is acceptable to you...

Also...try to figure out if it is the looking for another guy?...or the lie?...or both?...that bothers you..and why?