Too soon to start a new relationship?
02-09-2016, 06:36 PM
[quote=East]If you were in an abusive relationship...AND you think you would have gone back to him...you need to figure out WHY you were in that relationship... so you don't rinse and repeat....
Abusive people know who to pick..and so do people who want to be abused. I know it is popular to see one person as a "victim" and one as the "bad guy" but I think if you put on your big boy pants and don't see yourself as a victim...you can overcome that.
I don't know if there is someone wanting to be abused, but certainly that's not my case. Why I stayed with him 12 years..., well.., thanks to all your responses, guys, I've been thinking about it..., and there is not a simple answer..., at the beginning everything was great, we had a very beautiful love story, a lot of travelling..., so that was a very beautiful past together..., and then there was a lot of projects, exciting plans and money in the bank..., so future together seemed to be beautiful and exciting ..., but it was the present that started to fail..., the simple and common everyday life started to deteriorate..., until it got to a point that it was unbearable...
I know that when you are weak or feeling weak you tend to attract a certain kind of "predators".., and he identified my weak points..., for instance I just hate to quarrel in public, specially when you a with friends or family..., I just shut up and wait until we were alone to talk to him..., so he thought my silence meant I was weak..., so whenever we was with someone else we had a scene..., or he had his scene..., another weak point was that I wake up very early, so to be more time together, I used to pick him up from work every day and have a chat before going to bed..., and then anything could be a reason for a fight..., maybe one day after being at work for 11 hours, in 3 different countries, going to the supermarket and cooking dinner..., being 10 mins late to pick him up or finding a dirty glass on the kitchen table meant a huge drama before going to bed...
the process is slow , but one day you realise your life is hell, and he convinces you that it's your fault. He's given you a very beautiful past and a very beautiful future..., and you are spoiling everything for not being able to be the more simple things of the every day life..., so you stop seeing your friends because he hates them, you stop talking to your family because it annoys him..., you do everything for him to be happy, you try to avoid anything that can cause a conflict..., but no matter how hard you try it you end up spoiling his day..., and it's your fault...
And here I am, 5 months after I'm still missing my past and my future with him..., and im really affrait I can put on risk the beautiful present I managed to build with my new boyfriend...
Abusive people know who to pick..and so do people who want to be abused. I know it is popular to see one person as a "victim" and one as the "bad guy" but I think if you put on your big boy pants and don't see yourself as a victim...you can overcome that.
I don't know if there is someone wanting to be abused, but certainly that's not my case. Why I stayed with him 12 years..., well.., thanks to all your responses, guys, I've been thinking about it..., and there is not a simple answer..., at the beginning everything was great, we had a very beautiful love story, a lot of travelling..., so that was a very beautiful past together..., and then there was a lot of projects, exciting plans and money in the bank..., so future together seemed to be beautiful and exciting ..., but it was the present that started to fail..., the simple and common everyday life started to deteriorate..., until it got to a point that it was unbearable...
I know that when you are weak or feeling weak you tend to attract a certain kind of "predators".., and he identified my weak points..., for instance I just hate to quarrel in public, specially when you a with friends or family..., I just shut up and wait until we were alone to talk to him..., so he thought my silence meant I was weak..., so whenever we was with someone else we had a scene..., or he had his scene..., another weak point was that I wake up very early, so to be more time together, I used to pick him up from work every day and have a chat before going to bed..., and then anything could be a reason for a fight..., maybe one day after being at work for 11 hours, in 3 different countries, going to the supermarket and cooking dinner..., being 10 mins late to pick him up or finding a dirty glass on the kitchen table meant a huge drama before going to bed...
the process is slow , but one day you realise your life is hell, and he convinces you that it's your fault. He's given you a very beautiful past and a very beautiful future..., and you are spoiling everything for not being able to be the more simple things of the every day life..., so you stop seeing your friends because he hates them, you stop talking to your family because it annoys him..., you do everything for him to be happy, you try to avoid anything that can cause a conflict..., but no matter how hard you try it you end up spoiling his day..., and it's your fault...
And here I am, 5 months after I'm still missing my past and my future with him..., and im really affrait I can put on risk the beautiful present I managed to build with my new boyfriend...
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
Aries
