Too soon to start a new relationship?

[Baslero]

Hi guys, it's my first post here so I would love to excuse me in advance if I'm not doing it correctly...
The thing is I've been married for 12 years until last August. In the end, the relationship was a nightmare..., I don't want to bother you and I'll try to make a long story short..., he was abusive both physical and psychologically, I was left with no friends or family and he even tried to make me lose my job..., constantly quarrelling and I was constantly promising myself every quarrel would be the last..., just to find nothing changed..., until that day..., 5 months ago..., i just decided to accept the invitation of a friend to have a chat..., and when he opened the door I just felt I was in front of the man of my life...from the beginning everything between us was just perfect...! When we met I hadn't talk to my ex for a whole week and I had already decided not to talk to him again, but I have to confess that if I wouldn't have met this guy I would have come back to my husband...
5 months after, I'm virtually living with this guy, I sleep at his place every day..., but after 12 years of marriage , the separation / divorce have been very traumatic...
My boyfriend is just perfect, he's mr right, I just can't let him go, but im not living my best days, my self esteem is not at its best now..., I can't help thinking I should have allow some time to recover from a relationship before starting another..., but as I said, he's just too good to let him go...,
Anyone had been in the same situation?

Thanks for reading it and I hope It wasn't too boring...

[kindy64]

Uh, out of a 21 year marriage and recently out as bisexual (Oct14) Now living with a man for the last 9 months, and plan on having a future together.

Love is love, and when it's right, it's right.

[VirgoMasquerade]

When its right its just right, And if any bitch has something to say about it.... Fuck them

[East]

If you were in an abusive relationship...AND you think you would have gone back to him...you need to figure out WHY you were in that relationship... so you don't rinse and repeat....

Abusive people know who to pick..and so do people who want to be abused. I know it is popular to see one person as a "victim" and one as the "bad guy" but I think if you put on your big boy pants and don't see yourself as a victim...you can overcome that.

For instance...when you first knew he was an abuser..did you leave? Also..you said that after you left him fully knowing who and what he was..you might have gone back to him. Do you see your role in this right away? If not..take your time....

I hate to say this because it never goes well...but most people who are in these relationships play a part in them...like half of the responsibility to be exact...so coming to terms with whatever your role is would make it alot safer bet that you won't repeat the same thing in a new relationship....

[AlohaShannon]

It's definitely great that you finally left your ex; but, why did you stay for so long and endure such harshness? It seems a bit co-dependent to me. Really the only advice I have is to understand what drove you to stay with your ex so that you don't transfer your co-dependence onto this new and seemingly perfect guy.

[Darius]

Look at it this way: the relationship was over long before 5 months ago. The process of destruction of the relationship has been years, right?
The only thing I would suggest is that you protect your heart from jumping into a relationship with someone you need time to get to know better.

[Insertnamehere]

[MENTION=23302]Baslero[/MENTION]

No, it wasn't boring....it was concerning. If you never left the previous guy until recently and would have kept going back to him, then you my friend, need psychological help. God, I hate to be this guy...but it's true...that is beyond messed up. If anything to recover from the traumatic experience and get it over, you might need such help. I mean....what's to stop you from spending 12 more years with another abusive person?

*sigh* (you have my permission to hate me now, but, sorry I had to say it)

Now as for this current guy, well, I'm joining the crowd above. When it's right it's right, so it comes down to this: are you ready to be involved in a relationship? It's not about how much time is passed since the last one, but whether YOU are ready (or not) for it.

[meridannight]

I can't help thinking I should have allow some time to recover from a relationship before starting another...

why? why do you think you need time?

you're either ready to be with the guy, or you are not. nothing else factors in on it.

[CellarDweller]

There is no real set 'time' for when a new relationship should begin, and that you've allowed yourself time to get over the old one.

A friend once told me 'half' the time of the relationship. In other words, if you were in a relationship for a year, adn it breaks up, give yourself six months before starting to date. That being said, I can't see you waiting for 6 years.

As long as he is treating you right, and with respect, and you are physically and mentally safe with him, then go for it.

[Anocxu]

See..
That's just the thing..

Most "new " Relationships start out well..
Any half way decent guy that is NOT your Ex might seem like the perfect guy.

The fact that you were almost ready to go back to your ex is indicative that you are not exactly in the best emotional or psychological state..

Abusive partners tend to imprint an unhealthy state of codependency .. meaning. .
a few reasons you probably stayed with your ex so long is.. HE convinced YOU .. that you are nothing without him ..
that was the only one that could love a person like you..
I'm assuming you were broken?

A five month recovery period is not enough after 12 years of chaos..
BUT..
If it is in your means to get some councelling while you are in this new relationship .. that could help tremendously.