Quarter century mark...something feels off

[ChrisH]

I've turned 25.
Just a week ago I felt like I was on top of things, now...not so much.

I keep telling myself that just because I'm 25 and perhaps behind the curve at my age...that I'll get to where I want to be, who I want to be, someday.

But...I look at the last six months and everything seems to be a mess to me:

I dated four different guys over the course of those six months...and only once for each guy...and nothing really prospered beyond that. The last guy I dated still seems interested in me and my interest in him hasn't been lost...but I'm afraid of some things. Part of the mess it seems.

- He doesn't have a car, lives 20 miles away, requires taking a bus (which is somewhat late sometimes and thanks to the city layout, arduously slow, but I digress), whereas I have a car. I'm not sure if he even plans on getting a car. (And he's my age).

- He works, whereas I'm out of a job for the time being.
- He has his own place and I'm still under my parents roof. I told myself when I was 20 that I wasn't going to be living under their roof at 25.

- I'm 25 and nothing makes any sense to me right now. I mean...what is dating these days in this community? Why in the last five years have I dated 18 guys and none of them were boyfriend material? Are my standards just too high or am I looking at the wrong crowd? I've given up dating apps/sites because it's the same old stuff. Nothing changes.

I guess I'm just really frustrated, and growing really tired of the same stuff.

[Insertnamehere]

Ok, this is not a rare feeling to have when you're not reaching some goals you set yourself to do.

But, you will do yourself one favor: Slap yourself a bit. Stop looking at your age as some sort of landmark. Now.

It's just a number. Seriously, you didn't just become an entirely different person for turning 25 and you're not suddenly some big ass failure because on some 5 multiplier you didn't get to do "x" and "y"

Instead start making goals to achieve within a set amount of years, not because you're 25 but because you want things done.

Wanna move out of the parents house?

Start looking for a job, save money and get out within a plausible amount of time that you think is enough for you to do it.

Things like that, man: Organize, plan, execute.

Dating is a whole other topic. Nor is it in any way relevant right now (compared with financial security and leaving the nest) for your general well being, nor you can say it's beyond your reach: you haven't been sitting down doing nothing about it. Give it time, keep trying. It will come. DO NOT put a timer on it, because it is so much more complex.

With enough determination and planning you can achieve your goals. And learn how to deal with frustration and failure in a healthy way. Because those 2 things will be present at some point. But they don't mean the end of all things, you can always change your tactics, make new plans and try again.

You can do it man. And when you're on the process of doing this, you won't feel like this anymore

[trywait]

welcome to the quarter life crises

[Camfer]

Sorry you're feeling this way, [MENTION=17666]ChrisH[/MENTION]. I'd say you didn't date anyone in those 6 months. For it to count as dating someone, you have to go on multiple dates. That doesn't mean you failed at dating. It means you have yet to meet someone you want to date, except maybe this one guy.

Sounds like you might be able to start dating this last guy. Then you list out a bunch of utterly trivial issues about him that are easily surmountable. You mention nothing about his good qualities and what you like about him. Is this out of character for you, or is this a clue to why you are where you are in your life? It's worth pondering. When you date someone you will have issues and barriers to resolve. No one comes as the perfect match for you.

Use your dissatisfaction as the impetus for making change. Someone might say it's okay where you are because you're only 25, or it's just a number, or whatever. Well I say be careful, because before you know it you're going to be 30, then 35. The choices you make now really will influence the course of your life. So choose wisely.

Pardon this presentation, but listen closely to what she has to say. good luck and tell us more.

[MikeW]

- I'm 25 and nothing makes any sense to me right now. ...

I guess I'm just really frustrated, and growing really tired of the same stuff.

Both [MENTION=20941]Camfer[/MENTION] and [MENTION=23097]Insertnamehere[/MENTION] have good points. I'm going to recommend that you stop lurking here. Come back and talk with us more about what's going on in your head. You do need to focus but not so much on the negative. For sure finding a job should be your first priority right now. Finding a BF, learning to enjoy his company, may be second. It's an interesting balance, learning to motivate yourself on the one hand without driving yourself nutty with self-doubt on the other.

[Anocxu]

:

I guess I'm just really frustrated, and growing really tired of the same stuff.

Well..
Perhaps ..by your own standards..
You could be growing up..

Growing out of on thing and maybe preparing for something that is more meaningful. . "By your Standards "

[ChrisH]

Sorry you're feeling this way, [MENTION=17666]ChrisH[/MENTION]. I'd say you didn't date anyone in those 6 months. For it to count as dating someone, you have to go on multiple dates. That doesn't mean you failed at dating. It means you have yet to meet someone you want to date, except maybe this one guy.

I did date one guy twice in one month - I think it would've been more but he was away on business for two weeks. I questioned why it stopped after that second date and then I simply moved on to the next guy. I blame myself for that one wholly on the fact that I spent much of last year meeting different guys just once. (Except for one guy, but that's a story for another day). Being 24 was a roller coaster ride.

Sounds like you might be able to start dating this last guy. Then you list out a bunch of utterly trivial issues about him that are easily surmountable.

You mention nothing about his good qualities and what you like about him. Is this out of character for you, or is this a clue to why you are where you are in your life? It's worth pondering. When you date someone you will have issues and barriers to resolve.

No one comes as the perfect match for you.

= I honestly don't know why I let those surmountable issues stop me from dating him a second or third time in the last month (the first date was in early March, and before that we'd been talking for at least a few weeks). I think it's because when I first started dating, I didn't have a car, and I wasn't in college, and that was a huge turn off for a lot of the guys I used to meet. I ended up frustrated and at least had some help with from my parents on both the personal transportation and community college later on.

= He's a sweet guy, doesn't expect too much (as it seems anyway) from life or anyone, doesn't come off arrogant, two-faced or any other negative qualities/traits. He's just quiet (in person), and reserved. And as far as I can tell, we have other things in common. So, I'd say this is probably out of character for me. I had a lot on my mind when writing the original post. And it wasn't fair of me to compare my life with his when writing that post.

= I tell myself that perfection doesn't come easy for anyone nor should I expect anyone to be perfect beyond their own flaws. Sometimes I forget this and get ahead of myself.