backwards sexuality crisis

[Closet_Case]

Okay, around 14 I found out I was gay. After a few years I've come to terms with it myself, but not told many people, least not my family due to their religious beliefs.

But things have gotten a bit confusing. While I'm more sexually attracted to Men, recently I've started to notice women in that way more, and even developed really strong feelings for one (cue "awwww").

This has brought up old conflicts and now I'm beginning to wonder if I'm bisexual, or if my homosexuality was just a phase (if that's possible). This is a problem for me because now I'm afraid to start a relationship with this person because I'm not sure if I'm able to go through with sex if it comes up in the relationship. Not sure if this is the environment I live in, but when I've been with Men, in my gut I've always felt it wasn't right for me, especially since I cannot remember ever having romatic feelings for a man.

So, sorry if this is a long read, but I was hoping someone might be able to help me make sense of this.

[marshlander]

Hi, CC, and trust me, your message is not a long read ... presumably you've not looked at most of my posts

As a teenager I believed I was going through a phase. It's what everyone around me seemed to be saying, so there could be some truth in it. It just turned out that it wasn't what I thought at the time. Many informed opinions suggest that there is some fluidity in sexuality. Maybe this is just a phase, maybe you need to swing this way for a while, or just maybe this really is you. As to the fear, you'll never know if you don't see what happens. Could be that you will have more fulfillment than you ever thought possible.

All you can do is go with what seems to be right. Don't be afraid, but maybe tread carefully if the feelings of someone else are involved.

Good luck to you. I hope you find what you seek.

[fjp999]

[COLOR="Purple"]Hi CC, just wanted to welcome you aboard...

Very early on in elementary school I was sure I was bi-sexual with a crush on my best friends (one female and one male). The next year I was sure I was gay.

No one can tell for sure what youre going thru and marsh has summed it all up perfectly as he usually does.

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[ogmiz]

Its possible to have sexual feelings but lack romantic feelings due to an internal conflict. Could be you can have sex with males but not romance because you don't feel you or your partner are "worthy" enough. Same is possible with opposite sex. You don't know until you go through with it, but be sure to discuss these things with your prospective partner beforehand. If you can't tell the person your feelings because you fear rejection, be introspective first. Do you have real foundations for fear of rejection? You might not be able to "perform" because of your own feelings about having had gay sex. Find a good therapist (tough to do!) to guide you. Ask for a therapist recommendation in GLBT groups. And keep in touch on the forum!

[Closet_Case]

Thanks for the responses & good advice.

One major reason for my fear of starting a relationship with this girl is because of the risk of hurting her feelings if I confirm that I am gay and not straight or bi. I guess I just got to work up the nerve to ask .

As to Ogmiz's post, I was bullied at High/Secondary school for variety of reasons; then being overweight and being called gay because it rhymed with my name (hear something enough times...). For the most of the time I felt I was on a balance rope with my group of friends, often having the usual friendly teasing going too far. I did find a group of great friends in the end, but that fear sticks with me today, with simple fears of people judging me. I do counter it to a certain extent, but it's that nagging voice in your head that stays with you, usually when I'm alone.

I leave home in August to start College, so then I'll seek help as to deciding what i am as I'll be away from home, as my parents are quite zealously christian and having my mom say she thinks "it's wrong" was quite a deterrant.

But I am concerned that if I don't settle this i will have trouble with future relationships, either not finding romance with a guy, or sexual attraction with a girl.

[marshlander]

You sound as though you have your head screwed on right. Good luck. From what you've written it sounds as though you'll get there (wherever that may end up being) in your own time. Good for you for taking the well-being of others into consideration, but be careful not to do this to your own detriment.

Thinking about your parents and others I know, I wonder when Christianity stopped being about loving one's neighbour and turning the other cheek :confused: Sad.

[yar]

Closet Case Be true to your self now. I was of a religious sect also it took a great deal of self churching and help from a very good friend to come to the conclusion it was best to come out at 67 years old just don't wait as long as I did. Your life will be much happier. Wish you the best.

[alex85]

Okay, around 14 I found out I was gay.
This has brought up old conflicts and now I'm beginning to wonder if I'm bisexual, or if my homosexuality was just a phase (if that's possible).Not sure if this is the environment I live in, but when I've been with Men, in my gut I've always felt it wasn't right for me, especially since I cannot remember ever having romatic feelings for a man.

This tells me you're streight.

And how did you "found out" at 14 that you're gay?

[Closet_Case]

And how did you "found out" at 14 that you're gay?

When you find yourself only being attracted to men. Maybe the wording was off.