I want natural born children and to keep dating guys

[Darius]

I think it's a fantasy. You self identify as a gay male. Your posts here are all about gay sex and gay relationships. Now you kid yourself into believing you could make a good husband to a woman.
Are you sure you are comfortable with your own sexuality? Is there some reason you can't have or don't want children with a man?

[InbetweenDreams]

I feel that a lot of guys have been stuck in this situation. They want their own kids but they're leaning more towards the gay side of the spectrum.

I have given some thought about this sort of stuff and while I don't have really any answers here but I can say that even recently I thought how nice it would be to end up with a wife and kids...

In my case not that concerned if it biological or not, I mean I guess it would be nice but much like the OP I have never had sex with a girl in my life. I haven't dated a girl since 2004 and likewise dating someone when you're in high-school isn't quite the same in adult life. So I pretty much have to settle with the fact that I will probably not date women at this point, between my sexuality and the likelihood that kids will be involved, it's no longer an experiment at that point. I would feel selfish for "trying" to start something with a woman and find that nope, doesn't work for me.

Of course there is remote chance that I may never find myself in a stable enough relationship to consider adopting a kid, or surrogacy... Personally given some of the rockier parts of my childhood I would rather adopt and be able to change someone's life for the good, if I can. Got to find the right guy first though.

[meridannight]

Old thread but...

How do you picture all of this in your head? You're gonna propose to a female, and then (or before) go, ''by the way, I love men, and I want to keep on having sex with them and dating them. It's just that I want children, so we should have a family together''. Are you fucking serious?

Sex with guys on the side will most likely not be a problem at all. But dating? No self-respecting gay man is going to go near you either. Maybe another guy like yourself, who is married to a female as well, but just can't give up men, can't decide one way or another what it is they want.

You're building up to a healthy life there. And by healthy I mean far from it.

[InbetweenDreams]

Plenty of gay guys have a family... Matt & Blue on Youtube.... It was a very nice feeling to see them both happy and having a kid, seem very committed.

[Zen]

Hey all,

Sounds like there are some very well considered comments here. I think the consensus seems to be that you have to make a decision on partner choice. Maybe I'm speaking anecdotal y, but most women are going to want a big commitment from a guy before making the decision to start a family with a guy. It may be that if you're honest and up front you may find a female partner that is open to you seeing guys too?
But she may want the same in return, how would that end up?

Speaking as a guy that has been married and with my wife for ten years, and came out as bisexual, a few months ago. My wife is super supportive, and very understanding, but she "didn't sign up" for me to now explore this side of my sexuality with guys. As someone that feels that I am truly bisexual, I'm happy to be with my wife, and I love our little family! My sacrifice is that my attraction to guys needs to remain emotional/fantasy rather than reality!

What's my point? I don't know if there is one! Maybe it's an echo of many of the other comments that you need to be able to commit to someone, male or female to have a nice life. A wife would probably not want you sleeping with another man, any more than a guy that fell for you would want you to go home to your wife. That's a lot of emotions, and if you have children, there's even more emotion if your relationship breaks down.

And Shifty is right, raising kids is exhausting (but very rewarding)! And on top of that you want to be able to please your wife, a male partner, and have a job to support your family. That's gonna be tough!!

[deephiance]

The worst sort of liar is the one who lies to himself. The worst sort of father is the one that want's the title 'father' without realising you have a life that is more important than yours.

Children are not a game.

[InbetweenDreams]

Children are not a game.

No they aren't. A few years ago I was having drinks with a female friend of mine and at the time she didn't know I was gay. I was living in a small village and didn't want to be out in fears of losing my job well...I later find out her husband and her kids are gone and she comes on to me and knowing she had kids and me being gay that I wouldn't do it. She was ready too, and even though I'm gay I damn near did it and the only reason I didn't was because she had kids and I told her I'm not going to be a homewrecker. I had times in my childhood where my mother and father split up for a while and things just cam unraveled. My grandparents would come by (my dad's side) and my mom and her dumb bimbo friend at work hid us in the closet and and I could hear them say they couldn't see us....

That's not the kind of bullshit I want to start up for a 3 and 5 year old kid over being drunk and horny one night....gay or not.