Relationship With A Guy Who's Closeted?

[Gemini]

In a good relationship, you can depend on your partner in any situation. That can never be the case if your partner is closeted. Ending it with this guy was 100% the right choice.

Let me tell you a story. I'm a farmer and when I was first starting out, I had a greenhouse for starting all my crops, but I hadn't yet made enough money to have a backup generator. Well, one cold winter night the power went out, and stayed out for hours. Ice was forming on the ceiling of the greenhouse. In another hour, I was looking at a loss of tens of thousands of dollars, and it would have put me out of business. I knew only one person who would have a generator I could borrow that night and save all my crops. It was a f-buddy of mine, who was closeted.

Although it was late, I called him up. Before I could even begin to tell him my situation, the minute he knew it was me, he said, "Sorry wrong number," and hung up on me. He had a some friends over at the time, so he had to hang up on me to preserve his cover. He couldn't be known as someone who helped out a gay guy in time of need.

So I sat there in the cold darkness, wondering what I'd do if I lost the whole business. It was such a terrible feeling, that the one guy who could help, would not help because he was in the closet. I saw how in my moment of a very simple need, he could not even have a conversation with me, and hung up as fast as he could.

About 20 minutes later, the power came back on, the heater came back on line, and the crops were saved. The next morning I went out and bought a generator on credit.

It is pointless to be in a relationship with someone you cannot rely on.

Thanks for sharing this painful story. You gave me an insight that I didn't have before. I was angry that he didn't tell me before we started getting close, and feeling like I couldn't deal with all the sneaking around. And a little insulted. I'm out, but not flamboyant, people don't look at me and immediate;y say, GAY.

But your point hit home. If this was going to be my bf, but I could never count on him? If I really needed him, would I get the "Wrong number" reply?

Thanks. You've helped me feel a lot better about my decision.

[Ibex]

I'm still closeted. BUT if I were to go on a date with some guy, I wouldn't have any problems going out to resturants, going with him in public and such.
I've come to the point where I'm not scared of what people would think.
Got this no f*cks given attitude to such these days. Goes for when people try to be mean to me too. It's a nice attitude xD

With how accepting it is to be gay in Norway, most of it at least, I don't feel the need to tell everyone I'm attracted to men. I would of course tell if I ever were to start dating a guy and like it.
My grandmother has a gay neighbour, she still likes him. My dad told me once that if one of his sons were to be gay, he'd still love us and such.
Still trying to figure out if I'm really gay though, hard to figure out when I don't go on date and such

[Gemini]

I'm still closeted. BUT if I were to go on a date with some guy, I wouldn't have any problems going out to resturants, going with him in public and such.
I've come to the point where I'm not scared of what people would think.
Got this no f*cks given attitude to such these days. Goes for when people try to be mean to me too. It's a nice attitude xD

With how accepting it is to be gay in Norway, most of it at least, I don't feel the need to tell everyone I'm attracted to men. I would of course tell if I ever were to start dating a guy and like it.
My grandmother has a gay neighbour, she still likes him. My dad told me once that if one of his sons were to be gay, he'd still love us and such.
Still trying to figure out if I'm really gay though, hard to figure out when I don't go on date and such

I didn't mean this post to make closeted guys feel uncomfortable, I know there are many valid reasons why guys are not in a position to come out. My issue is that he didn't tell me the truth until after I had started to develop feelings for him. I felt manipulated. Like he was trying to lure me into a relationship and get a hold on me first, so I wouldn't walk away. And really, the closer was when he told me he never planned to come out.

I felt used.

[Ibex]

I didn't mean this post to make closeted guys feel uncomfortable, I know there are many valid reasons why guys are not in a position to come out. My issue is that he didn't tell me the truth until after I had started to develop feelings for him. I felt manipulated. Like he was trying to lure me into a relationship and get a hold on me first, so I wouldn't walk away. And really, the closer was when he told me he never planned to come out.

I felt used.

I know mate
I just felt like telling about my situation, and not make a whole new thread for it.
I plan on one day telling everyone, just want to know for sure that I like dick xD

[newavir]

The situation as you describe it sounds very frustrating. But I would not rule out dating a great guy only because of closet issues.