I have been gay ever since I was 15. Since then, I have dated two men (3 months, 4 years and ongoing), and slept with perhaps 20 guys (ranging from just kissing, to oral sex to anal sex).
I have yet to sleep with a girl, but more recently, I find myself fantasizing more often about girls, and I think I have developed a serious crush on one of my female friends. I often find myself thinking of us together, being in a relationship, having sex (I often imagine her naked), and imagine us sharing a household and even being married - though I must admit it does freak me out as well.
i am very much confused and have no idea what to do. i have several theories on this. My parents are very religious, and always "shielded" me from girls (so we won't have sex), but never warned me about boys. So I always felt sexual tension with girls, but was afraid of hooking up so I "don't break the rules". It even made me insecure around girls in a way - I always thought having sex with women is terrible and is regarded as physical abuse. I always thought that women were disgusted of men, so I thought if I wanted to hook up, I would be bothering them.
Guys, please help me out here! I have no idea what to do. I must say that I still do jerk off to gay porn, but it's almost as if I am 15 again, and feel disgusted of it sometimes even. It's really weird!
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  to GS. Averroes what confusion. First: you say your have been gay since you was 15. Second: you have had a decent amount of gay sex. However; you did not indicate whether it was pleasurable, or satisfying.
Now you are having fantastics of having sex with with a female. Have you considered that perhaps you may be Bi.?
Are you in a long term relation, if so you should have this discussion with your partner. See if you two can work out a passable solution together.
If you are alone What you do with your life is up to you, just try not to hurt another person by making a mistake that you may regret the rest of your life.
Try to be true to your self. If you are not happy with your self, you will have to make it so.
Wish you the best life has to offer, take care be happy.
P.S. Am I Straight?
There are thousends shades of gray no black or white.
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[COLOR="Purple"]Yar has given some great advice.
My issues with religion were just the opposite. I knew I was gay at a pretty young age. Liked a boy and girl equally in elementary school. The next year ONLY THE BOY!
Didnt have sex until UNI. A guy, couldnt reach orgasm with sex with a man - probably due to some bull with religion and guilt...
Religion can really mess ya up.
Go with bi for now and see what youre really into as an individual.
Good luck.[/COLOR]
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Hi, some good advise given here already.
I had a gay experience when I was 13 but dated women exclusivley until 21 then i became bi for about 3 years before becoming gay. I truly believe in folowing your heart otherwise it can really mess up your head. you said you have a crush of one of your female friends. my question would be Is it just her you have sexual thoughts towards or do you feel the same about other women? it may be her personality that has brought on the crush and not a general physical attraction towards women.
must be hard if someone has come out once to then have to tell everyone they are now straight.
wish you well with it.
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If I tried to stay faithfully married to a woman for decades I guess the pressures can also be the other way round.
Well done for asking the questions at an age when you can avoid hurting others.  ... if only I'd done the same. Still, my family are a great comfort and joy to me.
Great wisdom from Yar. Good luck, Averroes, and may you find peace in your heart.
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Be honest with other people and whatever lable you use to describe yourself is up to you. The weird thing is that because you have enjoyable or other sex with men does not make you gay or bi. It is a fact that some men enjoy sex with other men but don't identify as either gay or bi.
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Thanks everybody for the great advice, I really appreciate it. I am sorry I didn't reply any sooner, I was absolutely shitfaced when I wrote this and forgot that I actually did!
Well, I could comfortably said that I enjoyed excellent sex with perhaps only 4 men. The majority of the rest were boring, uninspiring and unengaging; I wasn't even hard at times. I had sex (mostly it was oral sex) with these people out of pressure (they were pushy, and I just thought ok let me get this overwith); at often times, I was extremely drunk.
I think I do have a physical attraction, to be honest, I think it was always there, but denied it because my parents are conservative and always warned me not to talk to girls. I think my situation was the total opposite of learning that you are gay.
I must also add that I have been in a four-year relationship with a man, and that I do acknowledge my gay side. I simply enjoy the company of men, because they're easier to deal with and talk to. It takes me a while to warm up with women, and to be frank, the sexual tension is just too damn intense.
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studies into sexuality have dictated in medicine and therapy that you do not have a settled sexuality until you are about the age of 25.
its rare but not unheard of for a completely straight guy to become only interested in men or vice versa.
often bi people settle on one gender and its common for gay/straight people to become bi with age.
its all quite fucked up. but you could be experiencing a sexuality shift of some kind?!?!?
i dont know enough about this to tell you anything more. just know the phenominon exists and that its more common in men.
which i didn't mention.
its more common in men.
there. 
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I really appreciate the fact that my confusion and questions have fell on attentive ears (or minds perhaps?). Thanks guys.
I do believe in sexual fluidity, but at the same time, I think I need to be more selfish. The reason I always shy away from women is because I'm afraid I'd have to eventually come out to them? I know this may sound terrible, but relationships can end before you even reach that level of intimacy, no?
a part of me sometimes feel that I lack drama in my life and that I'm making this up in my head. Another part of me feels that maybe I'm just trying to "fit in" society? Cause I hardly ever felt really comfortable being totally gay. A nagging feeling inside me always tried to push me the other way?
Anyway, I think i will do whatever I feel like. I discussed this with my partner, he told me in an a secret that he always wanted children. It broke my heart. He advised me that if I do have these tendencies then I should probably explore these options. He was understanding and said that he wishes he was the same. I asked him if he feels what I feel towards women; does he notice them? Does he fantasize about them or continuously look at them? Does he feel sexual tension with just about every other girl? Does he shiver or feel a something inside when he touches a girl? I am the kind of person who cannot seem to stop thinking about a girl in a sexual way when I am with her, which sometimes gets in the way and leads to me being less energetic and more pensive. I just immediately start thinking of her body and wait till she offers sex.
That's the problem. Girls are seriously a hassle, whereas guys are horny and much easier to deal with and talk with. Guys actually think, while girls feel, so you can reason with a man, but it's more difficult with a girl. Each girl I met wants to get married and has an ideal image of Mr. Right, which puts a huge strain on me. But how come straight men don't feel this way?! That I need to understand!
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