Doc Wrote:I need to give a bit more information about who I am and where from. I served in the Army for 5 years and saw combat in Iraq while serving in a scout platoon, I drive an old pick-up truck, I listen to old 1950's and 60's country music, I collect guns, I only drink straight whiskey, and Im a dyed in the wool republican. Ive always tried to put forward a super macho image, and thats what they believe. I live in the deep south most of the people I know are good ol' boy types, I mean they are not bad people but they're dumb fucking hicks. If they found out what I was, Im not sure what would happen but I bet it'd be bad. To give you some perspective they give me a playfully hard time because Im a Catholic. I hope to move in 8 months or so, but who knows, Im sure there are alot of guys in similar circumstances. I just figure I can find a sporty, boyish, type girl date her for a bit cast off all doubts and Im golden.
I grew up in the 'Bible Belt' of Australia, I drive a V8, could strip a car and put it back together, service it, drink beer, swear a lot, lift weights, say 'mate' a lot, listen to punk, heavy metal, 60's and 70's music and I'm as Aussie bloke as they come. I suck dick.
Your problem isn't what the world thinks of you because in all honesty, I doubt anyone would give a F that you are gay, they would have more of a problem with you hiding behind a girl and allowing her to fall for you and turn and show her a complete other side to you.
Your problem is what you think of you.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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eeeew girlfriend, yuk. I mean I have girls and they are friends, and I call them my girlfriends, but in a platonic rating guys together, sharing dick stories kind of way.
That being said, before I came out in High School, which was pretty early on, I had a "Girlfriend" She knew I was gay though, and I knew she was gay, and together we thought no one else knew, but we were not fooling anyone.
So I would say maybe find a girl who is also in the closet to be your friend and together you can use each other as a front. That way no one really gets hurt, except yourselves for not being who you really are inside.
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From my perspective, it is totally wrong to hurt someone. If you can handle the way, that your new girlfriend won't have deeper feelings for you, I think it will be ok.
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Doc Wrote:I dont think you guys understand what Im trying to say. Im saying that maybe Im only gay in a purely sexual sense, its just my little peccadillo. Like I said my relationships with men have only ever been sexual and niether of us ever said we were gay. The guy I was having a fling with for 6 months used to say " this doesn't make us fags" his words not mine I know fag is an offensive word. What I meant by saying that it was a mistake was maybe Im not really gay, Im just a little confused. I love everything else about women, I like taking them out and spending time with them. I love the way they look and I'd like to have a wife and children little one day. Its like I said Ive had girlfriends and it wasnt that bad I enjoyed every part, I loved date nights and just having somebody to watch tv with or just to hangout with and the sex that wasnt terrible I could perform when I needed to. I know you can be in love with somebody that you are not sexually attracted to I had a friend and we were always together for two years and I just loved to be around him and we were apart I was so sad, he ended up getting married and he moved away and I was just devastated, but it was platonic love, nothing sexual ever happened, and I was head over heels in love with him. Isnt it possible that I could meet a woman and we could share that same kind of love. We all do things for the people we love that we dont like doing and I think I could be monogamous. I wouldnt ask her to tell me everything about her past I think everyone should be allowed to have some secrets. As long as I treat her good and do my best to love her from the time I meet her. I dont want to make some poor girl into a victim. The lesbian idea is ok, but how would I even do that, I cant just walk into the local lesbian clubhouse and say hey girls who wants a possibly gay roomate/ lavender marriage. Where would I even meet a girl like that?
Like I said I live a traditionally / stereotypically straight lifestyle and I love the idea of a traditional family. Might my preference for men be similar to some guys liking different types of women.
IMO, you sound bisexual with a heavy dose of self hatred towards the part of you interested in men.
Only you can determine how happy you can be building a life with a woman. Just as long as you are keeping your integrity intact, yeah?
That said, from everything you've written, the lesbian option still seems a better option for you from my perspective. There's women out there looking for that arrangement, just as there are men doing the same. Try a dating site, yeah? No reason you can't say that for discretion sake you'll only provide pics prior to meeting or whatever.
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Doc Wrote:...Isnt it possible that I could meet a woman and we could share that same kind of love. We all do things for the people we love that we dont like doing and I think I could be monogamous. I wouldnt ask her to tell me everything about her past I think everyone should be allowed to have some secrets. As long as I treat her good and do my best to love her from the time I meet her. I dont want to make some poor girl into a victim. ... I think you need to stop asking us what you ought to do and start deciding what you WANT to do and then doing it. Preferably without hurting either yourself or anyone else in the process.
Is it possible to fall in love with a woman? Absolutely. I was in a 10-year relationship with a woman. We met in our mid-20s. Fell in love. Lived together all that time. Never married or had children. We're still best friends. At this point, we're more like brother and sister.
The difference here is that I *knew* I was gay. Not even bisexual. Falling for a woman was a total surprise to me. The other big difference is I didn't hesitate to tell her my truth. She accepted it. During the time we were together I was monogamous with her. Nevertheless, it was (obviously) an unconventional relationship. In the end, I made the first move toward "redefining" our relationship because I wasn't getting all my sexual needs met. Neither was she, for that matter. It wasn't easy, but we slowly re-arranged our lives and, since then, I've been in two gay LTRs.
So, yeah, anything is *possible*.
As for having secrets in one's past... frankly, I don't believe that's a good way to build a loving, trusting relationship. There are a lot of different aspects to this. One is that quite often the truth comes out and if we've kept that truth secret it can lead to unnecessary drama. But there's more to it than that. Who I am is the sum total of all the decisions I've made throughout my life. Withholding important information from someone with whom I'm trying to build a loving, trusting relationship not only betrays that trust but sets the stage for future dishonesty.
In any case. I think you need to really decide what you want. If what you want is to have a sexual life with men and a loving wife and family... you need to figure out how to make that happen. It is NOT impossible. Obviously, one way to do it is on the down-low. Lots of married men do just that. However, I personally don't believe that's a very healthy (not to mention ethical) way to live. Such dishonesty can seriously harm your family and yourself. It would be far better to find a woman with whom you can negotiate some sort of arrangement regarding your sexual needs. This is not impossible but it would have to be approached from the POV of two mature adults who *communicate* openly and honestly with one another and are capable of accepting one another's true feelings.
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MikeW Wrote:Who I am is the sum total of all the decisions I've made throughout my life. Withholding important information from someone with whom I'm trying to build a loving, trusting relationship not only betrays that trust but sets the stage for future dishonesty.
^^ QFT ^^
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Doc Wrote:Like I said my relationships with men have only ever been sexual and niether of us ever said we were gay.
Actually, that's not true. You said it yourself:
Quote:I know you can be in love with somebody that you are not sexually attracted to I had a friend and we were always together for two years and I just loved to be around him and we were apart I was so sad, he ended up getting married and he moved away and I was just devastated, but it was platonic love, nothing sexual ever happened, and I was head over heels in love with him.
Just because nothing sexual happened (i.e. neither of you made a move on the other) doesn't mean you're home free on the gay thing. You were in love with another man! The things you said above are the very definition of being a homosexual. That's how homosexual men react to other men. The fact that you missed that shows just how much in denial you are.
You've got this thing backwards, it seems. Homosexuality does not mean you have sex with men, as such (most of the male population would then be homosexual, in fact). Homosexuality means a persistent desire and attraction (physical and emotional) to men.
Quote: Might my preference for men be similar to some guys liking different types of women.
If you have to ask, then probably no. People know who they are attracted to and who they want to be with. They don't need to wonder about it. Confusion arises when you are one thing but want to be another, for example. Or from some other conflict inside you.
You probably aren't in touch with yourself that well. That's one thing you need to work on before you settle down in life.
''Do I look civilized to you?''
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meridannight
1. What I was saying is that we said we were gay to each other in conversation, when we had our little trist.
2. a) My love with my friend was more like a brotherly love, you've never had a friend that you really loved?
b) Do that many heterosexual men have sex with other men? Im really curious I never heard that before.
3. You've got me on this one. Maybe I do have some sugar in my tank, and I know I can be a little prissy sometimes. But how can I get in touch with myself when the only one I can truly talk to without word possibly getting out is my dog.
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Doc, with all respect, if you were devastated when your guy friend got married and moved away, you're most likely gay. Just because you can sexually perform with a woman doesn't mean you are bisexual. You are sexually and romantically oriented to men, from everything you have told us. But anyway, beyond all that, trying to fit yourself into the arbitrary gay/bi/straight categories isn't going to prove very useful.
As for how to meet a lesbian or a bisexual woman, you can do it with a dating app, or in a smallish city even a craigslist personal ad might dredge up some leads. Just be 100% honest in describing who you are and what you seek.
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I mistyped
1. What I was saying is that we NEVER said we were gay to each other in conversation, when we had our little trist.
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