Asians not wanting Asians in the western world

[hasher22]

This is just how I feel and what I experienced through the internet space and physical after 3 years of dating and hookups.

I live in Australia, Sydney. Met a lot of great people, though what I have noticed that: Most Asians that grew up, migrated or visiting only seems to prefer non-Asians to the point where their are abandoning their own race and stating "no Asians" in their profile. In-which I find very interesting yet stupid.

I do understand everyone has a preference but anyone that excludes a whole race is racist, no matter what you say. Excluding something in a race is preference. But that is part of what I am trying to say.

I myself, is Asian and I don't have any racial preferences. Hell, I dated all the colours.

I feel, in the gay community the high amount of racial stereotypical and physical attraction is so high to a point where expectations are constantly not met....

Also, I feel that Asians are at the bottom of the list of racial preference and to add to the list: most Asians in the western world are part of that group as well.

Now, it would be interesting to see metadata regarding Asians reply rate back to other Asians or Asians saying hi to other Asians vs Non-Asians etc. I remember, if I remember right that someone pulled data from Gay OKCupid that Asians replying back to Asians is like 20% whereas replying back to a Caucasian was like 70%. Now stats don't lie, thus enabling and confirming my theory. Nice to have more stats.

I just think that it's disgusting for anyone to exclude their own race.

[InbetweenDreams]

I don't really understand the hate against Asians at all, doesn't make any sense. I think Asians are often attractive.

I do agree I think the gay community is often very critical on physical attraction and overall expectation.... that's why there are so many single gay guys... Everyone want's a twink model and live in this fairy tale relationship that virtually no one has. However, that's generally speaking...

Just like I don't understand why Asians go have their eyes cut to look more Caucasian, I think that's sad...

[kindy64]

They say true Love is colorblind...

You would think lust would be even more so...

[Darius]

I've noticed that Asians seem to prefer whites and even consider them the "ideal". Maybe it's because of tv or the movies and advertising that happens. Too many Asians seem to have inferiority complexes when it comes to romance. For me, when it comes to love, I know race will not play a part in who I date.

[Emiliano]

I don't think it's that mysterious as to why this happens. I can't speak of how it is in Australia, but in America at least, it's fairly obvious.

I'm half Filipino, have always had a big circle of East Asian friends, and have had a front row seat to the dating experiences of my friends and sisters. From that, I see it much more with gay Asian men than with straight Asian Americans. I could write out paragraphs about the history of colonialism, orientalism, stereotyping, fetishization, lack of diverse representation of Asian Americans both in pop culture and elsewhere, and of course, what it all basically boils down to - the toxicity of internalized racism.

But I'm slowly but surely learning my lesson about trying to have a meaningful conversation about race on this site. I need a little more confidence in the potential of this conversation before I invest time and intellectual energy into it.

I'd be more interested in you, [MENTION=21130]hasher22[/MENTION] getting more specific about your experiences as an Asian man in Australia, what your specific ethnicity is, and what you know of the history of that groups experience in that country.

[hasher22]

Just like I don't understand why Asians go have their eyes cut to look more Caucasian, I think that's sad...

This is the general stereotype of getting double eyelid surgery. This isn't the case of being or looking more 'caucasian', more of shaping the eyes to make the face more attractive with, I guess, bigger more aware looking eyes. There are a lot of single fold eyelids on Asians that looks so sexy on them.

That argument can be said about Caucasians want to be dark, Africans wanting straight hair etc etc.

In fact the European look has deemed to be the most visually appealing in general. Yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder but we can run away from the truth.

I've noticed that Asians seem to prefer whites and even consider them the "ideal". Maybe it's because of tv or the movies and advertising that happens.

of course internal and external factors will play a part on attraction. These can be, but not limited to: Locality, Country of birth, friends, family, culture, school, media, ethics and morals, work etc etc. All these contribute to what each individual see's in a person.

My friend broke into the medicine field and he now is attracted to any men in the medicine/health industry cause they have common denominators. And that's cool, people's taste can change due to life continuing but I agree in the sense of life elements will change someone's taste.

I'd be more interested in you, @hasher22 getting more specific about your experiences as an Asian man in Australia, what your specific ethnicity is, and what you know of the history of that groups experience in that country.

I am from a Filo/Chinese background. Grew up in Australia when I was 1 yrs old, migrated from Philippines. I don't have a Chinese / Filippino accent nor I don't have a full blown Aussie accent. Though, it really kind of ticks me off when people state their "Aussie Asian", as I think they think stating that will bump their chances cause maybe they think the other person will not like an Asian with a heavy accent or little English. Which is fine as a preference, as communication plays a huge tool in getting to know someone but stating that I'm "Aussie Asian", to me: comes off as arrogant.

I came out when I was 25, now 28 and I did make a post here about coming out. Though, my first year using apps and meeting people was on and off. I met a lot of Filipinos, as growing up, I didn't have any Filo friends and I always wondered what it will be like. Long story short: All the gay Filos know each other, not in a good way. If I meet a Filo, they would bitch and gossip about other Filos. Next Filo I meet, again gossip and if I mention anything about other filo's most likely they would say, "Yeah I know him". One even started a rumour he slept with me, and one messaged me the next day yelling at me that I am a slut and how could I have fucked his friend etc etc. Too much drama. I vowed not to date or see another Filo again and I have kept my word. There is 100000% more to the story than that but my experience with Filos is not good, my morals, ethics and culture are completely different from theirs. All I can say is that, they love to bitch about each other, gossip and create drama.

This may be the same in the U.S but if a non-Asian messages me through any app such as Jackd, Grindr, Tinder etc, most chances they are 'rice-queens'. In Grindr I get alot of messages from non-Asians but on Jackd the members there are 90% or more Asian. May be different in the U.S. The only genuine dates I had through the internet space, is through Tinder. Though, I have over 2k matches yet people don't talk or have the balls to meet. I thought it was me, but it seems that's the general atmosphere Tinder has, it's more of a game to see how many matches people get, which I find sad.

My experience as an "Aussie Asian" living in one of the worlds most snobbiest cities: Sydney. It's hard for an Asian to meet someone genuine. Before I came out, I was happy, I was social now when I go to these gay social functions, clubbing, on the apps, I RARELY message non-Asians cause I know that the reply rate is so low that I be wasting my time saying hi. I even stated on my profile, "Say hi! Sorry, I don't make the first move saying Hi". I do get messages stating: "Why don't you make the first move?" and I'm honest with them..... I usually say "being Asian in a gay world is hard". In physical functions, when I came out, I was happy cause my family and friends were there to support me. I was approaching people just to be genuine friends or to be social just to be knocked back and most people ignoring me or just saying "not interested" which obviously shot my self-esteem.

To be honest, I was prob more happy being in the closet than anything.

[TigerLover]

When I first read your title I thought you were talking about some bizzare auto-racism thing. Like a self-hating asian KKK or something.

Asians don't want Asians, in the western world.

Anyways it makes perfect sense to me. Asians are on average smaller in height and width than other races. (the reasons why are fascinating). In my experience smaller guys tend to want bigger guys and for an asian most bigger guys will be white or black.

Then there's the obvious media factor all the beautiful hunky actors a boy sees growing up are white. So naturally thats going to colour his preferences.

[Darius]

Emiliano is right. It's almost impossible to have a meaningful conversation about race, which is incredibly immature. Throw political correctness into the mix and it's even worse.

[Pix]

Honest question: could it be some are trying to avoid complications by living the life they're expected with family and friends while having their secret life that everyone can pretend doesn't exist on the side? (If so, then they wouldn't want to run into each other as one could conceivably pressure, or even blackmail, the other, assuming they knew each other. Or even just letting "the secret" out.)

Though that said, I had a girlfriend from a Korean American family, and they absolutely despised the Japanese, among other East Asian folk, and it offended them to be classified in the same group (as "Asian American"). They hated blacks as well, but that hatred was nowhere as strong as it was for the Japanese (including anyone of Japanese descent who didn't identify with that culture at all), and one of their complaints were that the Japanese were vicious perverts, and their hatred could even become violent. If say some man from that family who was raised with such contempt for the Japanese were to advertise on a gay media site, I could see him saying "no Asians" if he thought doing otherwise might mean he'd get someone Japanese. Even if he personally rejected that hatred, he might figure his position with his family was strained enough as it was if they knew of his "hobbies" without him hooking up with someone of Japanese descent.

Obviously, people should grow past these tribal/racial hangups, but too many don't, and I know it helps me to understand the psychological/sociological mechanics of it better. If nothing else I can use it to create characters in my fiction writing.

[deephiance]

A large majority of those in the gay community are extremely superficial, especially blokes. It is all about appearances before personality, little wonder very few men dating men last no longer than weeks.

Interesting point by Pix though. Do Asians see westerners as more tolerant and welcoming of a same sex partner?

Or is it just that Asian men are as superficial as any other race and believe the propaganda that Asians have smaller dicks?