Asians not wanting Asians in the western world

[TwisttheLeaf]

Before getting together with [MENTION=20938]Gideon[/MENTION], I didn't date. I did a lot of hook ups, but I wasn't looking for anything more than sex.

That said? I steered clear of other Asians (I'm South Korean and French, and take after my South Korean father aesthetically) not because of their looks, but because of their -parents-.

Are all parents the same? Hell no. My parents (both of them) were first generation immigrants. My father was VERY traditional, as many immigrants can be. I've observed MANY Asian guys also have very traditional parents, too. And, honestly? As fucked up as Dad tried to make me when it came to my preferences? I really didn't need to deal with that same exact shit, in the same exact manner coming from another corner.... OR whatever psyche type issues (emotional or otherwise) might stem from it in their offspring.

SO, I steered clear of Asians to, essentially? Avoid drama.

That said? Had I been looking for something more permanent than hookups? I'd have probably not discounted an Asian man (or woman) that came along that struck that "chemistry" cord and I felt the urge to know more about.

I guess what I'm saying? Preferences (even racial ones) aren't always based in racism. Just like if a guy only likes other guys with big noses doesn't mean he's prejudice against anyone that doesn't have a big nose.

[Gideon]

I actually have a preference for asian men. It's not even a "Twist thing" though I'm sure he's influenced it positively over the years, but I've always found that the hot asian guy is where my gaze lingers.

Native americans are pretty hot too. Just sayin'

[Emiliano]

I am from a Filo/Chinese background. Grew up in Australia when I was 1 yrs old, migrated from Philippines. I don't have a Chinese / Filippino accent nor I don't have a full blown Aussie accent. Though, it really kind of ticks me off when people state their "Aussie Asian", as I think they think stating that will bump their chances cause maybe they think the other person will not like an Asian with a heavy accent or little English. Which is fine as a preference, as communication plays a huge tool in getting to know someone but stating that I'm "Aussie Asian", to me: comes off as arrogant.

I came out when I was 25, now 28 and I did make a post here about coming out. Though, my first year using apps and meeting people was on and off. I met a lot of Filipinos, as growing up, I didn't have any Filo friends and I always wondered what it will be like. Long story short: All the gay Filos know each other, not in a good way. If I meet a Filo, they would bitch and gossip about other Filos. Next Filo I meet, again gossip and if I mention anything about other filo's most likely they would say, "Yeah I know him". One even started a rumour he slept with me, and one messaged me the next day yelling at me that I am a slut and how could I have fucked his friend etc etc. Too much drama. I vowed not to date or see another Filo again and I have kept my word. There is 100000% more to the story than that but my experience with Filos is not good, my morals, ethics and culture are completely different from theirs. All I can say is that, they love to bitch about each other, gossip and create drama.

This may be the same in the U.S but if a non-Asian messages me through any app such as Jackd, Grindr, Tinder etc, most chances they are 'rice-queens'. In Grindr I get alot of messages from non-Asians but on Jackd the members there are 90% or more Asian. May be different in the U.S. The only genuine dates I had through the internet space, is through Tinder. Though, I have over 2k matches yet people don't talk or have the balls to meet. I thought it was me, but it seems that's the general atmosphere Tinder has, it's more of a game to see how many matches people get, which I find sad.

My experience as an "Aussie Asian" living in one of the worlds most snobbiest cities: Sydney. It's hard for an Asian to meet someone genuine. Before I came out, I was happy, I was social now when I go to these gay social functions, clubbing, on the apps, I RARELY message non-Asians cause I know that the reply rate is so low that I be wasting my time saying hi. I even stated on my profile, "Say hi! Sorry, I don't make the first move saying Hi". I do get messages stating: "Why don't you make the first move?" and I'm honest with them..... I usually say "being Asian in a gay world is hard". In physical functions, when I came out, I was happy cause my family and friends were there to support me. I was approaching people just to be genuine friends or to be social just to be knocked back and most people ignoring me or just saying "not interested" which obviously shot my self-esteem.

To be honest, I was prob more happy being in the closet than anything.

I'm confused - your first post seemed to be about how you are confused and frustrated by Asian men who reject other Asian men. But then this one reads more about why you dismissed Filipino men yourself and how you feel rejected by non Asians.

[Emiliano]

Before getting together with [MENTION=20938]Gideon[/MENTION], I didn't date. I did a lot of hook ups, but I wasn't looking for anything more than sex.

That said? I steered clear of other Asians (I'm South Korean and French, and take after my South Korean father aesthetically) not because of their looks, but because of their -parents-.

Are all parents the same? Hell no. My parents (both of them) were first generation immigrants. My father was VERY traditional, as many immigrants can be. I've observed MANY Asian guys also have very traditional parents, too. And, honestly? As fucked up as Dad tried to make me when it came to my preferences? I really didn't need to deal with that same exact shit, in the same exact manner coming from another corner.... OR whatever psyche type issues (emotional or otherwise) might stem from it in their offspring.

SO, I steered clear of Asians to, essentially? Avoid drama.

That said? Had I been looking for something more permanent than hookups? I'd have probably not discounted an Asian man (or woman) that came along that struck that "chemistry" cord and I felt the urge to know more about.

I guess what I'm saying? Preferences (even racial ones) aren't always based in racism. Just like if a guy only likes other guys with big noses doesn't mean he's prejudice against anyone that doesn't have a big nose.

This makes so little sense to me. When I'm hooking up with a guy and just looking for sex, the last thing I'm thinking of is what kind relationship I'm going to have with his parents.

[hasher22]

I'm confused - your first post seemed to be about how you are confused and frustrated by Asian men who reject other Asian men. But then this one reads more about why you dismissed Filipino men yourself and how you feel rejected by non Asians.

Term Asian refers to the different countries of different groups that is classified in the Asian geographic space, Filipino is in the Asian space thus me eliminating Asians all-together is not my intention nor focus. I just eliminated a country out of my so-called 'preferred' list.

My thread was about Asians eliminating ALL Asians not one specific country or culture. If a Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Mixed or whatever messages me then I am happy to converse. If they are Filippino then, I am more likely to block without knowing that person due to numerous, past, same experience.

[Emiliano]

Term Asian refers to the different countries of different groups that is classified in the Asian geographic space, Filipino is in the Asian space thus me eliminating Asians all-together is not my intention nor focus. I just eliminated a country out of my so-called 'preferred' list.

My thread was about Asians eliminating ALL Asians not one specific country or culture. If a Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Mixed or whatever messages me then I am happy to converse. If they are Filippino then, I am more likely to block without knowing that person due to numerous, past, same experience.

Ok, then my question is, why does it bother you that Asian men reject eachother?

[TwisttheLeaf]

This makes so little sense to me. When I'm hooking up with a guy and just looking for sex, the last thing I'm thinking of is what kind relationship I'm going to have with his parents.

It's not about what relationship I'd I have with his parents. It's about what relationship he has with his parents, and how much (as well as what kind of) influence they've had over him and his psyche.

In my personal experience, that influence is almost identical in the majority of Asian gay men I have met. Does it apply to everyone? No. But it does apply to the majority of those Ive observed. Enough so, that it caused me to steer away from the possibility of running into it and it causing problems, complications, or lack of enjoyment in the hook up I was looking for.

[hasher22]

Ok, then my question is, why does it bother you that Asian men reject eachother?

There comes to a point where media, the gay community and locality plays a huge role when stereotyping beauty. Also, internal and external factors that contribute to one's attraction to objects and people. It's like advertising, what is the standard of 'beauty'?

It comes to a point where I've been to Asia and over the years, I've seen commercials and advertisements increasingly displaying non-Asian models to advertise clothing, makeup etc. And there was one point I was like: "there is a significant amount of non-Asian models, in these advertisements." Now you wouldn't see huge amount of Asian men modeling in a Western country, there will be a small percentage. Now, it's only smart business to select the same 'colour' per se in advertisements to cater for the demographic.

This business process habit will passively brainwash consumers / locals / people in general to rethink the physical beauty on what an 'ideal' man should look like thus filtering one's "preference".

Now to simply say "why does it bother you" or the most common statement is: "so what?"... those kinds of statements make me think that;
1 - One does not see the longevity subtle persuasion it will have on the next generation, and mind you... the younger gen Y and the upcoming next gen are focused on aesthetics and they are a good looking bunch.
2 - How will it affect / effect the future and current Asian gay community.

Now, I shouldn't see Asians stating "no Asians" in their profile nor I shouldn't see any non-Asians stating the same. It's ignorant and arrogant at the same time. The underlying negative connotations they have against a race made them feel they should exclude them all together.

If the western Asian gay community is slowly filtering out the same ethnic background, whether they know it or not then it becomes a problem to not only culture, but the idea of physical attraction.

This debate can be reversed to non-Asians, is the beauty of Asians increasing in attraction to non-Asians? This excludes the blank term: rice queens.

[artyboy]

Little confused with the term Asian?

[Emiliano]

[MENTION=21130]hasher22[/MENTION] I asked why it bothers you because I was curious about your perspective. Not to be a dick, that's not my goal, but I read a lot of hypocrisy in what you wrote before.

I don't think there's such huge difference between dismissing an entire race vs dismissing an entire ethnicity/country. Both involve ignoring individuality and basing views of an entire group of people off of one's own limited experiences. One is just on a larger scale than the other.

I mean what really is the difference between you not giving a Filipino guy a chance because you've already decided Filipinos are undateable, for whatever reason, and a Korean guy not giving you a chance because he has already decided, for whatever reason, that Asian men in general are undateable?

But anyway, It definitely bothers me too. I don't have a so what attitude when it comes to this sort of thing, because like you said, it does have serious and long term implications on gay Asian men. And it's nothing new either, we are already been affected by this, there is such a long history of anti Asian sentiment and policy in the USA and a history of the demasculinization of Asian men - gay and straight. And it continues, we still are incredibly underrepresented and when we are represented, especially as gay Asian men, it is done so very two dimensionally. And with all of that going on, that many gay Asian men have internalized aspects of it and allowed that to color their perceptions of other Asian men... it's just not surprising to me.

And I agree with you that it is disgusting and angering to see the whole "no Asians" attitude, from Asian men and non Asian men. What I find even more frustrating is the denial that it has to do with race. I don't think it's possible to project certain stereotypes or dismiss an entire group (especially one as physically and culturally diverse as Asians) as undateable without it being related to racism. I'd just much prefer if people could be honest about things. When people tell themselves it's just a preference and not a racial bias, they excuse themselves from having to think more critically about why that preference is there and it perpetuates the bigger issues that lead to the problem of how Asians are portrayed, viewed, and view themselves.

I also just to put it bluntly am strongly against the pressure to hold ourselves against white standards of beauty and masculinity. I'm turned on by men who openly reject that too and have pride in their own ethnicity, that feel attractive in their skin, and I'm more than turned off by men who seek white men for approval and validation. The only thing that disgusts me than that is the so called rice queen / racial fetishizer. I'm especially protective of my sisters in this sense, because Asian women have the opposite issue - they are so hypersexualized in white/western culture.

In the us, I think Asian representation is slowly getting better and diversifying, and I hope that will lead to a better situation and a better sense of pride and comfort for Asians. We need to see ourselves reflected in the cultures we live in.