Married man. Bisexual. Need anal sex advice.

[Iloveallasians]

Hey guys,

I am a white 29 year old Hong Kong expat living in Mid Levels in Central. I'm married to a Chinese wife and I love her very much. My sex life with her is excellent. However I finally admitted to myself that I am bisexual.

I'd look at straight Asian hardcore porn and enjoyed looking at both males and females in these porn pics and videos. I'd *never* admit to myself that I enjoyed looking at Asian cock until a few months ago. I would just try to fool myself into thinking I just really liked looking at the girl suck his cock. Yeah.

After smoking some Salvia and having a very powerful experience from it, I started to self reflect about things. I came to terms that I am bisexual and realize that there is nothing wrong with it. Being bisexual is natural and normal. Homosexual and heterosexual behavior is documented and totally normal in the animal kingdom.

So I made friends with a Han Chinese man who also happens to be bi and is my age. Interestingly enough, he didn't realize he was bi until two years ago. Why is that? I always had bi feelings, but they were always suppressed. My friend says that he was totally straight until an encounter with his male friend when they were both drunk. Basically he never really considered it until that encounter. This confuses me a little because I personally always felt that people are born this way and that it's not a choice.

He is still really into girls like me...and we both enjoy watching straight Asian porn together...while touching each other.

What's really interesting about my bisexuality is that I am only sexually attracted to East Asian / SE Asian men. They just drive me wild. Men of other races do absolutely nothing for me. I just love their skin tone, their almond eyes, their hairless chest, and of course their dick.

As far as women go.....I *prefer* Asian women....but I find women of other races attractive too.

I *really* enjoy giving oral sex to him and of course he enjoys receiving it. He also wants to fuck me anally. I really want to let him fuck me....but I need some advice.

I'm a total virgin there. I know I should use lube...but should there be anything else I should be aware of? Are anal injuries common?

I'm very excited about trying this! Getting fucked by a Chinese man just gives me a real thrill! Any white gay guys get fucked by any East Asian? If so what ethnicity?

[sox-and-the-city]

Errmmmmm...

You DO realise that you are MARRIED. As in, have a WIFE that you SWORE to be faithful to until death you do part?? And you DO realise that shagging a man, or indeed enjoying oral or any other kinds of sexual contact is cheating, right??

I wanna start right out by pointing out that i don't condone cheating under any circumstances. Bisexuality is normal and there is nothing wrong with it but wanting to have your cake and eat it is just greedy. Either pair up with a man OR a woman. Unless you can get your wife into polyamory or something your behaviour will continue to be reprehensible.

Now to the sex part.

If you feel you need lube then go wild and lube up, but in my experience there is really only massive need for that when you're dealing with a proper gargantuan penis. Condoms are, however, to begin with a the very least, a must. Try to relax and just enjoy yourself. Also when he first starts to enter you, pushing down wil ease the transition. Ermmmm... yeah, go nuts, have fun. Happy shagging, just remember what adultery is.

[Iloveallasians]

Errmmmmm...

You DO realise that you are MARRIED. As in, have a WIFE that you SWORE to be faithful to until death you do part?? And you DO realise that shagging a man, or indeed enjoying oral or any other kinds of sexual contact is cheating, right??

I wanna start right out by pointing out that i don't condone cheating under any circumstances. Bisexuality is normal and there is nothing wrong with it but wanting to have your cake and eat it is just greedy. Either pair up with a man OR a woman. Unless you can get your wife into polyamory or something your behaviour will continue to be reprehensible.

Here we go. Let me guess, did your boyfriend cheat on you and now you're bitter?

Maybe as a gay man you just don't understand, but my wife can't offer what my male friend can offer. On the other hand, my male friend can't offer what my wife can offer.

Problem is that there is no way in hell my wife would be able to understand this. How am I supposed to explain to her that I like guys too? Did YOU come out of the closet to your friends and family?

What I do with MY FRIEND is our business, and nobody else's. How is it any different from any other social event such as playing tennis?

Besides..... strictly monogamous sexual relationships DO NOT EXIST in nature. It is UNNATURAL. It is an artificial construct imposed by religion in WESTERN society.

Homosexual and bisexual behavior on the other hand is perfectly normal and quite common in the animal kingdom. So please. Lets be a little pragmatic here, shall we?

In Hong Kong, married men will frequently go fool around with prostitutes. They don't consider it cheating. They consider it a form of masturbation, much in the same way western male look at porn even if they are married.

You're gay.... you should be a little open minded rather than judge. Why don't you go get married to a women and try to suppress your gay urges? How would you like that? Not very much right?

I have needs too, and they both need to be met. I'd be equally frustrated if I had a monogamous with a man all my life and had no relations with a woman.

[ian20090326]

too bad for you...
i am single but i have had a a relationship with a married man...
and i felt guilty about that...
i liked him so much in fact i fell in love with him...
i had to stop our relationship though we didn't have any problems at all...
he had sex with me and sometimes his wife...
but i was all the way faithful to him...
you are no different from him, i thinks its too bad...
:-(
i do not also agree with your actions...
you are not doing this to yourself...
but to her and your children (if you have)...
think about them...
what if someone comes to them and tells them...
'i fucked you daddy's ass'
how would they feel?

[ian20090326]

...your being bisexual in not an excuse for cheating on your wife...
...being gay is not an excuse for being promiscuous...
...we are what we are...
...we are who we are...
...but it is our values, thoughts and actions that ultimately define who we are...
you may say you are doing this to yourself...
but you are not doing this to yourself...
you are doing this to your family...

[Iloveallasians]

...your being bisexual in not an excuse for cheating on your wife...
...being gay is not an excuse for being promiscuous.....

Just because you as a Filipino have "Catholic guilt" doesn't mean you have to impose it on me.

Again, in nature there is no such thing as a monogamous sexual relationship. Why do we have to limit ourselves due to the wishes of society?

I consider this guy my friend. I don't just mess around with strangers.

Again stop judging me, the people who are come off as huge hypocrites. Did you tell your Catholic friends and your Church's priest that you're gay during confession? Did you mention the fact you're looking for some Group Sex too from time to time? No? Okay then.

[fudger]

I was very supprised at the responses to this thread. 'Shock horror' :eek: someone is leading a double life. I believe that at some point in most peoples lives this type of situation has arisen. we wouldnt have prostitutes or rent boys if everyone stuck to one partner. Before I came out I had been sleeping with men whilst going out with a girl, needs must and all that.
All i can sugest is use lube and a condom to keep your loved ones safe. (lube will ease your first time experiance and reduce the risk of the condom splitting). Enjoy and be safe.

[joseph]

i think just it you be nice to everyone.

[marshlander]

Instinct is telling me not to join in this discussion. It has turned into something else. But I'll try and respond to the question that was asked ...

I have no medical qualifications whatsoever and please check anything I write with a more authoritative source before you believe me! I would agree with the others who say that condoms and lubrication are important. The condoms for the minimising of risk to all involved parties and the lubrication to make life a little (ok, maybe a lot) less physically painful for you. I'll imagine that you know about condoms and have made up your mind about what you like to use. You might want to consider that those treated with a spermicide can sometimes be an irritant to the lining of the rectum making you more susceptible to an infection.

As far as lubricants are concerned use one that has been specially formulated for the job. Don't use an oil based one, like Vaseline, since the chemicals will compromise the rubber in the condom. That pretty much leaves you with water or silicone based products. Of these it's a matter of choice. With silicone, a little goes a very long way and generally spreads everywhere. Keep a towel handy to wipe your hands! The water based ones are often sold in pump dispenser containers, which I find more convenient than messing around with unscrewing bottles and then screwing them back up again and having to wipe the bottle because it's all lubed up. However, the silicone products can need less application while the water-based ones tend to dry out more quickly and become sticky - not always the effect you are after. Apply some of the lube around and just inside your anus, but make sure the head and shaft of his penis are properly coated.

For your first few times, try to be the one in control. If your partner is considerate it doesn't have to hurt, but your body is going to be getting used to something going the "wrong" way and the sphincter muscles are there for a reason. One often-suggested position is to lay him on his back while you ease yourself down on to him. The moment you feel uncomfortable you can stop and draw back a little. The discomfort will diminish. If he's inexperienced just make sure he doesn't try thrusting into you or you'll know all about it. I have no idea whether or not injuries are common. The best thing is probably to take it easy and go slowly until you know what your preferences are.

Before you try anal sex with someone else you might want to try out a few experiments on your own. It sometimes helps to sort out the geography in private.

[Iloveallasians]

Thanks for all the sane responses! Yes absolutely, condoms are a must. We'll use lots of lube. I'm really looking forward to getting some yellow cock! I love Hong Kong!