03-30-2017, 06:06 PM
I don't want to show my name for this because...I don't know why.
My boyfriend (24 years old) doesnât work and I (25 years old) have a feeling he doesnât even want to. He's a really nice guy but this laziness of his is slowly starting to drive me crazy. I don't know any other word for this - it's laziness. Maybe to some extent itâs my fault. I was ok with him not working while he was studying, because I know that itâs hard to work and study at the same time and I wanted him to get an education so I was like â itâs ok, donât worry about job now, just focus on your studies.
And maybe that was a mistake because now he obviously thinks itâs going to be like that forever. He graduated almost a year ago and heâs been doing nothing ever since. Heâs just sitting at home while Iâm the only one working. I pay for food, for rent , for electricity, I pay for all of that alone. Not the tiniest help from him.
Weâve talked about this millions of times, if not milliards. Iâm working 12 hour shifts almost every day. If he had a job too, I wouldnât have to work so long. I could work normal, 8 hour shifts with more free days but now I cannot do it, because if I do, we wonât have enough money. To mention that he should work too means to start a fight that goes on for hours. It feels like he's not even looking for a job. Whenever I come home, he plays some games in computer or watches TV or does something else to entertain himself.
Here are some of his arguments.
Thereâs no job.
Why do I find it so hard to believe? I donât have a college degree but when I needed a job, it took me about a month or two to find it. So Iâm pretty sure that highly educated people are necessary even more. He majored in computer sciences and if Iâm not mistaken, that this is a demand field these days. Even if thereâs really nothing connected with his education, we still live in a big city and employees are certainly needed in various places. So donât lie to me. There is a job out there. You just donât want to look for it.
Itâs your apartment.
Yes, itâs my apartment but we live together so those are not just my expenses, those are our expenses. He lives here too, he eats too, he uses electricity too but when it comes to paying for all that, I must do it alone. Great, donât you think? Thatâs very fair, isnât it?
Donât rush me.
I wasnât rushing him for the first half a year. Now Iâm quite fed up and I think you can understand why. I just donât understand him. Iâve been working since I was 15 and I canât imagine depending on someone financially. How can you be 24 years old and sit at home like a retired grandpa? How can you not want your own money? I honestly donât get it. Is that what people do now? Are they waiting till theyâre middle-aged to start working?
And he takes every my word about working so angrily as if I would mean something evil, as if I would want to harm him. Iâve offered him to sit down with me and we can go through job advertisements together and maybe find something for him. He offends immediately and is like âYou want to fight with me again?â No, I donât want to fight, I want to help you. Iâm worried about what his life will turn out like. What will he do if we break up? ( and that might happen if he keeps acting like a 3 year old ) Will he go back to his parents? Obviously, because he doesnât have any money of his own to pay for his own living place.
Tell me something, advise me something, because I donât know what to do. All I know is that Iâm tired. Tired of arguing, tired of sustaining a young and healthy male who is just lazy.
My boyfriend (24 years old) doesnât work and I (25 years old) have a feeling he doesnât even want to. He's a really nice guy but this laziness of his is slowly starting to drive me crazy. I don't know any other word for this - it's laziness. Maybe to some extent itâs my fault. I was ok with him not working while he was studying, because I know that itâs hard to work and study at the same time and I wanted him to get an education so I was like â itâs ok, donât worry about job now, just focus on your studies.
And maybe that was a mistake because now he obviously thinks itâs going to be like that forever. He graduated almost a year ago and heâs been doing nothing ever since. Heâs just sitting at home while Iâm the only one working. I pay for food, for rent , for electricity, I pay for all of that alone. Not the tiniest help from him.
Weâve talked about this millions of times, if not milliards. Iâm working 12 hour shifts almost every day. If he had a job too, I wouldnât have to work so long. I could work normal, 8 hour shifts with more free days but now I cannot do it, because if I do, we wonât have enough money. To mention that he should work too means to start a fight that goes on for hours. It feels like he's not even looking for a job. Whenever I come home, he plays some games in computer or watches TV or does something else to entertain himself.
Here are some of his arguments.
Thereâs no job.
Why do I find it so hard to believe? I donât have a college degree but when I needed a job, it took me about a month or two to find it. So Iâm pretty sure that highly educated people are necessary even more. He majored in computer sciences and if Iâm not mistaken, that this is a demand field these days. Even if thereâs really nothing connected with his education, we still live in a big city and employees are certainly needed in various places. So donât lie to me. There is a job out there. You just donât want to look for it.
Itâs your apartment.
Yes, itâs my apartment but we live together so those are not just my expenses, those are our expenses. He lives here too, he eats too, he uses electricity too but when it comes to paying for all that, I must do it alone. Great, donât you think? Thatâs very fair, isnât it?
Donât rush me.
I wasnât rushing him for the first half a year. Now Iâm quite fed up and I think you can understand why. I just donât understand him. Iâve been working since I was 15 and I canât imagine depending on someone financially. How can you be 24 years old and sit at home like a retired grandpa? How can you not want your own money? I honestly donât get it. Is that what people do now? Are they waiting till theyâre middle-aged to start working?
And he takes every my word about working so angrily as if I would mean something evil, as if I would want to harm him. Iâve offered him to sit down with me and we can go through job advertisements together and maybe find something for him. He offends immediately and is like âYou want to fight with me again?â No, I donât want to fight, I want to help you. Iâm worried about what his life will turn out like. What will he do if we break up? ( and that might happen if he keeps acting like a 3 year old ) Will he go back to his parents? Obviously, because he doesnât have any money of his own to pay for his own living place.
Tell me something, advise me something, because I donât know what to do. All I know is that Iâm tired. Tired of arguing, tired of sustaining a young and healthy male who is just lazy.