1 year and cold feet.

[Jonathan]

Ok so I feel like I put my life on here. But I get great advice and you guys are great on this forum. Anyway.

So my boyfriend and I have been together a year. He is a great guy. Treats me well. We are coming up on our year and I'm getting cold feet. At the beginning and through until this last 3 months or so i was crazy in love with him. Now. I don't know I just am not anymore. Basically from becoming a couple last year we have spent every night together for the most part. Which I think is part of the issue. He kind of let himself go physically. Another issue is hr is young. I'm only 25 but he just turned 21. I'm working on a career and his parents pay for everything while he is in college. I do love him and care for him. . But I almost miss being single and feel like I want to step back. Is this normal? I feel like none of my relationships last and I know it is me. Anyway. Some advice on what I should do or just words of wisdom.

[deephiance]

24 years single, 1 year partnered

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Why don't you both go to the gym, that way you can drop the "letting himself go" part as the excuse for dumping him.

You don't have to live together to be boyfriends. How did that happen so quickly, and are you living with him, or he living with you.

[MHJG]

Frankly, it sounds like you're finding excuse for leaving him. I'm not sure what you miss about single life. Actually you can have your alone time even you have a partner. If you miss the time messing around with different people, you should tell your partner the true. You said you feel like none of your relationship last. I guess you already have some idea about which type of relationship you should in.

[LJay]

When does he get out of school? If, at that point, his parents close the purse, you will know a great deal more.

A lot happens at the end of college, or have you forgotten? He deserves a fair shake as he goes through that time.

Real bonding is not achieved by clinging. It requires that your two personalities be strong enough to have their own security. There is hard work ahead if that is to be. If you are not up for that, split now.

Sorry that these are not cures. They are hard things to think over. Work at them for a while and see how you feel.

[TigerLover]

Take a short break away from him.
That should help you work out how you feel.

After all it could just be too much of a good thing.

[Ammon]

Take a short break away from him.
That should help you work out how you feel.

After all it could just be too much of a good thing.

Honestly I don't believe in short breaks... Either break up or get over it. What I do believe in is to give eachother room to breathe.

@OP, I can understand if it bothers you a litte that "he let himself go" but to use it as one of the excuses to break up with him... That's a bit superficial. When you first met him you knew he was 4 yrs younger the older you get wont make him more younger...

If you feel that you are missing out but still want a relationship, probably best to be honest with your boyfriend. You might not know it yet but it could be that you are an open relation type of guy..

[TigerLover]

Honestly I don't believe in short breaks... Either break up or get over it.

Scorpions sting, sharks swim and humans adapt. No other species could survive in both the Sahara and Alaska.

Unfortunately we also adapt to good things too. Such as being able to cuddle someone every night, share the cooking, or our boyfriends sense of humour.
We get used to them and forget what life was like without them.

The only way to know for sure how much you value those things is to take them away and see how much you miss them.

As for giving each other room to breathe. Yeah absaloutely, I winced when I read
"we spent every night together for the most part." That's just not healthy they both need an independent social life. That's actually the main reason I said they should take a break.

[TigerLover]

Scorpions sting, sharks swim and humans adapt. No other species could survive in both the Sahara and Alaska.

Unfortunately we also adapt to good things too. Such as being able to cuddle someone every night, share the cooking, or our boyfriends sense of humour.

The only way to know for sure how much you value those things is to take them away and see how much you miss them.

For some bloody reason I just cannot delete this duplicate comment from my smartphone.

[InbetweenDreams]

Dropping your boyfriend because he is letting himself go physically... hmm. Well let's see number one if he is going to school probably under a lot of stress..... It is a lot to juggle, relationship, school...at least his parents are wealthy enough to pay for everything.

Just curious, when you say letting himself go, are we talking 20-30 lbs or is he going to become a candidate for "My 600 Life?" (Some US TV Show, I think it is on MTV - I don't watch that shit). I'll be frank. I get that one must be sexually attracted to someone, to what degree is up to that person, but dumping them because they put on a little weight is crap, just says you don't really love him if you ask me.

Not going to make this post about me and my experiences but either you really love him or you just find him (or found him attracted) and just kind of like him. That's my experience, either they're your partner, or they're in the friend zone. There isn't an in between.

Also, one year isn't very long, it takes years to really settle in and if you ask me if you're already ready to throw the towel in, may as well go ahead because I don't see that you're really committed. I do think that taking a step back in some cases can be the right thing to do but just all depends. I know someone who is very busy with life, school, money -- everything and rather than hound them to find time to do things, I just took a step back and see what happens. More than likely nothing will come of it and if that ends up being the case so be it. I'm not going to lose sleep over it any more.