Why Can't People Just Tell The Truth?

[Confuzzled4]

He has tremendous insecurity that is beyond what you should put up with.

[InbetweenDreams]

I don't want to take this thread off topic... but I do want to ask do you really feel that someone is a "pervert" if they have consensual intergenerational sex? If so, then I'm a pervert. The last guy I was with is 19 years old and I am 69. He pursued me on Grindr... I had no problem with it. He was a really nice guy, very cute, sexy, and knew exactly what he wanted. He's versatile but predominantly a top. I have no problem with that... I'll say this, for as young as he is, he knew exactly what he was doing and was quite good at it. .... NO... there was no finical exchange here.

When he first showed up at my door I asked, "What is it, you have some sort of GRANDPA kink or something? You do realize I was 50yo when you were born, right?" His answer was a grin and a smile, "No, not really, I just like older men." I grimaced a bit. "There's older and then there's "ancient"... I'm more in the later category." He laughed at that. "Well, that many be," he said, "but you're a fucking hot grandpa... so lets get to it!"

So... am I a pervert?

Obviously I do not think so. It was fun. And I wouldn't be surprised if I saw him again. As to what we have in common? Probably not much... but so what? We're not dating. LOL!!

There is a difference between you being pursued by a 19 year old and this guy cheating on his boyfriend and pursing a 19 year old guy... Not to mention embezzlement. I'm also baffled how someone who is 40 would feel old when they're dating someone who's only 25.

Sorry I offended you. I will be honest and say that someone who is... 55 or whatever, chasing after a guy who is 18 or 19 is a bit off putting. On the other hand, having a 18-19 year old seek you out is a bit different.

Perhaps my logic is off, but look at it like this. If a 16 year old was considered a legal adult, would it be ok if a 25, 30, 40, 50...60 year old guy seek out someone who was 16?
I don't, sorry, not my cup of tea.

That all being said, no one needs my approval or have to like my opinion on the subject. Do as you please, as long you're not breaking any laws.

[MikeW]

...Sorry I offended you. ...

I did not feel offended, exactly. I just didn't want the statement to stand without comment.

I've seriously asked myself this question: Am I a pervert for enjoying sexual relations with MUCH younger men? (I was completely celebrate from 2001 to 2014 and even so have only recently -- within the past two to three months -- become what even I would call "promiscuous".) I'm not without self-awareness or self-reflection. I'm aware that, as well as the 'sex', there are psychological dynamics at play here. Feelings (my own and those of others) can and do get triggered. That said, I'll not be shamed for enjoying what I do enjoy so long as it is with consenting adults.

What bothers ME is the very high percentage (I'd say roughly 50%) of young men (some of them VERY young) who approach me wanting me to be a DOM top to their sub bottom. In many instances what they are looking for is subjugation, degradation, humiliation, bondage, even forced sex. I've been around a long time. The DOM/sub BDSM subculture is nothing new. But THIS... this very high percentage of young men (boys in my mind) seeking it out... IS new. Truly a sociological phenomenon. Frankly a disturbing one to me.

[Matt608]

Thanks for all the support. A few people asked about taking him to court or criminal charges. I agreed not to press charges if I got full restitution. Given the extent of the situation, this pretty much means that he'll be signing over his remaining interest in the business to me and most likely getting nothing from it for himself. This is going to be complicated and take a little time. He also agreed to pay the legal and accounting fees, though I think it will take a while to see that money, since he seems to be broke. He keeps whining that this is blatantly unfair, and I'm just being vindictive.

I'm not going to take him back. I can't live with someone I can't trust.

[Matt608]

I did not feel offended, exactly. I just didn't want the statement to stand without comment.

I've seriously asked myself this question: Am I a pervert for enjoying sexual relations with MUCH younger men? (I was completely celebrate from 2001 to 2014 and even so have only recently -- within the past two to three months -- become what even I would call "promiscuous".) I'm not without self-awareness or self-reflection. I'm aware that, as well as the 'sex', there are psychological dynamics at play here. Feelings (my own and those of others) can and do get triggered. That said, I'll not be shamed for enjoying what I do enjoy so long as it is with consenting adults.

What bothers [B]ME is the very high percentage (I'd say roughly 50%) of young men (some of them VERY young) who approach me wanting me to be a DOM top to their sub bottom. In many instances what they are looking for is subjugation, degradation, humiliation, bondage, even forced sex. I've been around a long time. The DOM/sub BDSM subculture is nothing new. But THIS... this very high percentage of young men (boys in my mind) seeking it out... IS new. Truly a sociological phenomenon. Frankly a disturbing one to me.

[/B]

I need to make the distinction that what you're describing has NOTHING to do with a true Dom/sub relationship, which is based on love and mutual respect. A true Dom protects his sub and would never force anything. I'm no shrink, but what you're describing sounds like these kids are deeply conflicted about being gay and filled with self-loathing. I suspect it's a lot more complicated than that, and I also think that older men who indulge those warped fantasies aren't doing those kids any favor at all, but rather confirming their lack of self worth.

[kindy64]

6 months of cheating and lying are not ONE MISTAKE.

If he had fucked the kid a couple of times in a week, and then 6 months later admitted to it, that would be one thing. He maintained an ongoing affair with this guy.

You're doing the right thing for you. And it seems like he's received instant karma for his actions.

[MikeW]

I need to make the distinction that what you're describing has NOTHING to do with a true Dom/sub relationship, which is based on love and mutual respect. A true Dom protects his sub and would never force anything. I'm no shrink, but what you're describing sounds like these kids are deeply conflicted about being gay and filled with self-loathing. I suspect it's a lot more complicated than that, and I also think that older men who indulge those warped fantasies aren't doing those kids any favor at all, but rather confirming their lack of self worth.

I don't know a lot about BDSM SUB/dom but what you said, that's EXACTLY how I see it too. That's why I find it so disturbing. I *believe* these *kids* (to me they are, whether they are over 18 or not) have gotten turned on by watching this stuff on internet porn. They think it's hot. Most haven't even tasted vanilla and think they're ready for licorice with Tobasco sauce. They know nothing about true BDSM DOM/sub relationships.

After being approached for this several times I started replying like this (and have actually put this in some of my app profiles): "I am not a DOM top. I'm a Versatile and appreciate an equal power exchange dynamic. I do not need to "subjugate" anyone to either experience or express my personal or sexual power. IMO, any man who does is a weak man. Why would you want a 'weak' "daddy"?"

I've also said, "Why is it that good old-fashioned LOVE MAKING between two men (regardless of their age difference) is no longer "HOT"?"

They never reply back of course, in part because it was all written in complete sentences, LOL!!

[Delishes]

I think you are a very kind and nice guy ,you still think that if there is another way or so or what to do...

Sometimes you should just move on and choose the mental way over your feelings,even stealing money or having a co boyfriend(not even a fuckbuddy) is simply enough to break up without any explanation ,even tho you love him.he did both unacceptable mistakes,you cant trust him anymore,If he has still feelings for you ,he should have stopped dating with that kid and realize he was wrong(not for 6 months)or should have told you the truth at some point and ask for forgiveness

And he is 40 ,his chances of finding a new boyfriend is much less then you do,if i were you ,i would use him just the way he used you,he is outdated,he is 40 ,you are the one who makes rules,you are the upper hand,you are the one who is going to get away with making mistakes,make him realize it and use him and threw him away whenever you get bored.when he wants to move on ,text him,dont let that happen,do it again and again,screw him.play with his feelings(if he has)

If i end my 5 year relationship because of that i would have done this way.But it is wrong ,it doesnt matter tho,do something that will hurt him and make you feel refreshed.

[NativeSon]

I've seriously asked myself this question: Am I a pervert for enjoying sexual relations with MUCH younger men?

If the only way you can enjoy it is with MUCH younger men, then yeah, that's weird.

More power to ya, hippie granny.

Otherwise, it doesn't really sit well.

[MikeW]

If the only way you can enjoy it is with MUCH younger men, then yeah, that's weird.

More power to ya, hippie granny.

Otherwise, it doesn't really sit well.

Yeah, I know you have a problem with it. You've expressed this before. Not that I owe you any explanation for my life or how I choose to live it. But if the operative word in your objection is "only" then, no, it isn't "only". The oldest man I've been with recently is 63.