Why Can't People Just Tell The Truth?

[NativeSon]

Yeah, I know you have a problem with it.

The only problem I've ever had with you is that you tend to whine about how you think your age seems to limit the amount of young ass you're able to acquire. I find it depressing that someone your age is still obsessing over shit like that.

[Matt608]

[MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION], you ask "Why is it that good old-fashioned LOVE MAKING between two men (regardless of their age difference) is no longer "HOT"?"

Maybe because so much of sex seems to be hookups, random encounters and one night stands. Love making requires a context, at least some familiarity, a degree of ease and connection.

What a guy does with a random dude he scores off Grindr or whatever can't, by any stretch, be called making love. I think that those encounters need games, fantasy and role playing in order to make them seem a little less bleak.

[MikeW]

[MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION], you ask "Why is it that good old-fashioned LOVE MAKING between two men (regardless of their age difference) is no longer "HOT"?"

Maybe because so much of sex seems to be hookups, random encounters and one night stands. Love making requires a context, at least some familiarity, a degree of ease and connection.

What a guy does with a random dude he scores off Grindr or whatever can't, by any stretch, be called making love. I think that those encounters need games, fantasy and role playing in order to make them seem a little less bleak.

Good point. Which is probably one of the reasons I often get ghosted after a 1-off. I *try* to get to know the guy I'm with. After all, what I'm really looking for is at least a moments 'connection', preferably an FWB or two. I know I'm not yet emotionally ready for another committed relationship. But yeah, good point.

[MikeW]

The only problem I've ever had with you is that you tend to whine about how you think your age seems to limit the amount of young ass you're able to acquire. I find it depressing that someone your age is still obsessing over shit like that.

Wow. Well, fuck you too. I think you got that wrong, what I've complained about was NOT feeling more sexually stimulated by men more "age appropriate." Specifically, I've said, "If I did, I'd be having a lot more fun." ... NOW I discover (after all these years) that isn't necessarily true.

But as for your perceptions of me being a whining dirty old man who wants to fuck as many young guys as possible that you find so "depressing"... I think that says WAY more about you than I. You don't know shit about me other than what I've written here in this forum. Certainly not anything worthy of your expressed hostility and disdain. SO... I can only conclude that however well placed your feelings may be, based on your life experience (about which I know nothing), I am NOT the actual target of your hostility. All I've done is type words that *triggered* YOUR feelings, feelings that have their roots in your life experience. They have little to do with me whatever.

[Emiliano]

[MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION], you ask "Why is it that good old-fashioned LOVE MAKING between two men (regardless of their age difference) is no longer "HOT"?"

Maybe because so much of sex seems to be hookups, random encounters and one night stands. Love making requires a context, at least some familiarity, a degree of ease and connection.

What a guy does with a random dude he scores off Grindr or whatever can't, by any stretch, be called making love. I think that those encounters need games, fantasy and role playing in order to make them seem a little less bleak.

I'm sure that's the case for some, but I think there's space for a mutual respect for each others bodies and good, vanilla, sex within hookups and one night stands. It may not be making love like a couple that's been married for 20 years, but it still can be intimate, satisfying, and mutually positive experience.

As with any relationship, sexual or not, it depends on the people involved and their ability to communicate their wants and expectations.

[MikeW]

I'm sure that's the case for some, but I think there's space for a mutual respect for each others bodies and good, vanilla, sex within hookups and one night stands. It may not be making love like a couple that's been married for 20 years, but it still can be intimate, satisfying, and mutually positive experience.

As with any relationship, sexual or not, it depends on the people involved and their ability to communicate their wants and expectations.

That's exactly what I've found to be true. What I was expressing above, is something I've said to a PERCENTAGE of young men who specifically want a DOM/sub experience. Something I'm not interested in and cannot give them. That said, most (can't say all) of the guys I *have* connected with are in the "mutual respect" camp. A few of them have gone beyond 'one-off' experiences. There's one in particular that I like a lot. Can't yet say to what extent that is mutual, but that it IS mutual to some extent is clear. We've both said so.

[Emiliano]

That's exactly what I've found to be true. What I was expressing above, is something I've said to a PERCENTAGE of young men who specifically want a DOM/sub experience. Something I'm not interested in and cannot give them. That said, most (can't say all) of the guys I *have* connected with are in the "mutual respect" camp. A few of them have gone beyond 'one-off' experiences. There's one in particular that I like a lot. Can't yet say to what extent that is mutual, but that it IS mutual to some extent is clear. We've both said so.

I understood what you were saying and I relate with it. The whole dom/sub thing is a major turn off for me, maybe because I'm also vers, and I think some of what falls into that is somewhat disturbing.

I tend to be most attracted to guys around my age, not much older or younger, so I can't call it a scientific study by any means, but I'd lean towards the idea that it might have something to do with a generation growing up with their first experiences with sex coming from porn, and not from another human. One, it's really accessible in a way I don't think it ever has been before, and two, it tends to reinforce that gay relationships have clearly defined sexual roles and power dynamics.

But then again, everything is more complex than just the simplest explanation, and there's been a wide variety of sexual tastes long before the advent of internet porn.

[MikeW]

...But then again, everything is more complex than just the simplest explanation, and there's been a wide variety of sexual tastes long before the advent of internet porn.

Yeah, all of what you said. One of the reasons I've become so blunt with these guys is I want them to hear from a much older (assumed) authority that their "fantasy" is just that and not all older gay men are into it.

[Piri]

I don't know a lot about BDSM SUB/dom but what you said, that's EXACTLY how I see it too. That's why I find it so disturbing. I *believe* these *kids* (to me they are, whether they are over 18 or not) have gotten turned on by watching this stuff on internet porn. They think it's hot. Most haven't even tasted vanilla and think they're ready for licorice with Tobasco sauce. They know nothing about true BDSM DOM/sub relationships.

After being approached for this several times I started replying like this (and have actually put this in some of my app profiles): "I am not a DOM top. I'm a Versatile and appreciate an equal power exchange dynamic. I do not need to "subjugate" anyone to either experience or express my personal or sexual power. IMO, any man who does is a weak man. Why would you want a 'weak' "daddy"?"

I've also said, "Why is it that good old-fashioned LOVE MAKING between two men (regardless of their age difference) is no longer "HOT"?"

They never reply back of course, in part because it was all written in complete sentences, LOL!!

This is the same kind of argument I've heard from people who talk about same-sex attraction without any knowledge on the matter: "did you even try with a girl?"..."are man x woman relationships old fashioned now!?"..."Maybe you just think you're gay because you watched something weird on the internet/got abused/absent father/whatever". It doesn't work that way: you don't need to have sex with girls to realise that you're gay, and you do not turn gay for watching naked men. Likewise, you do not need to try vanilla sex to know what you enjoy, and you do not go around looking for bdsm just because you watched a porn video. And that thing about doms being weak and subs being kids? Nonsense. They just get horny with the D/s dynamics. You're trying to explain something you obviously know nothing about.

[MikeW]

This is the same kind of argument I've heard from people who talk about same-sex attraction without any knowledge on the matter: ...

So its your opinion that 18yo virgins are born subs?