I Didn't Think Things Could Get Worse

[Matt608]

So I pretty much thought things were as bad as they were going to get. I've mentioned in other posts that I broke up with my ex when I discovered he was cheating with a 19 year old and had stolen money from our business and from me. Okay. Then I discovered he was all over these "daddy" websites, trolling for young guys for sex. I've endured all the humiliating gossip (this is a small town). I've resigned myself to the fact that I probably won't be able to salvage the business, and I just went back to my old job, being an electrician. It's good money, and interesting enough, I don't hate it. So yeah, I figured I'd slogged through all the shit and things would start to get better.

But he got arrested. As a sex offender.

I have an accounting firm doing an audit, and they impounded all the business records, including computers. We had a desktop we both used and individual laptops and tablets that were purposed to the business. The moron had personal stuff on his laptop, including pornographic images of very young boys and personal stuff between him and young boys, IDK what all. The accountant was obligated to turn it over to the authorities. And here we are.

And aren't we the talk of the town. If one more person says to me, How could you not have known?" I'm going to scream. Well, I did scream - I told the last person, "Because I'm fucking stupid, OK?" Maybe I am. And maybe I'm paranoid, but the feeling I get is people think I had to have known and either turned a blind eye or gone along with it.

And - the best, most hilarious part? The SOB called me and asked me to post bail. I couldn't even formulate a reply - just hung up on him.

There's nothing much I can do, short of dying my hair, changing my name and moving to Alaska. It just all sucks.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I'm sorry you're going through this man. Just remember yeah? It's temporary. What's new and interesting news eventually becomes old news. Your life won't be in this upheaval forever.

[kindy64]

Looks like he's getting an avalanche of karma now...

Endure...

Tell people, no, I didn't know, he was cheating on me for a year and I didn't see any of it. I was blindsided just like a wife who finds her husband has been cheating on her.

"If I had known about it, would I have turned over evidence to the accountant straightening out my business finances"

And I think you are doing the best thing with cutting him off like you are. Don't give up on that business if it's something you are passionate about.

[seeking]

It must be horrible for you at this moment with all the drama and finding out the things he's done.

On the other hand, I also think you can finally make sure everything is cleared and will be gone for good now. You are just 25, you can live a new life right now with lots of possibilities ahead. Best for you !

[Darius]

What he has done to you goes far beyond cheating and lying. He has totally betrayed you on every level--personally, sexually, professional. Is there any more ways to betray you?
He is getting what he deserves now, but you are caught in his deceit, sadly.
I hope the legal shit clears up quickly so you can totally eradicate him from your life.
Is there any reason you have to remain in the town after all is said and done?

[Cuddly]

Well I was mad at him, because of your previous posts.
So... serves him right.

Sucks for you, but this too shall pass. I'd probably move though...

[TigerLover]

Well that man is utterly vile.

Well, I did scream - I told the last person, "Because I'm fucking stupid, OK?" Maybe I am.

Whoa! you're being way too hard on yourself man.

People automatically assume you should be able to tell if someones that twisted. But that's just an illusion conjured up by childhood storybooks and Hollywood. The witch always has a crooked nose, the demons have red skin, the bad guy is always played by one of those villain actors that just looks evil. So everyone walks around with the idea that they have some sort of inbuilt evil detector.
Actors and writers have developed 1001 ways to subtly tell the audience that they are the bad guy.

In real life the only thing distinguishing a warped person from a healthy one is their thoughts and actions. So unless you're psychic or he really slipped up there is no way you could've known. But a man like that is not going to slip up often.

He's been concealing these dark impulses at least since he turned eighteen and he's doubtless become an expert in hiding his moral decay by now. The awful truth is that despite being together there's no reason to think he was anymore open with you than anyone else. You're ex was half-man, half skillfully crafted illusion.

You couldn't have found out any sooner than you did so stop judging yourself and don't let these naive people get to you.

[Pyromancer]

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having to go through all this. As for the gossip,,,yeah, people can be cruel. Compassion and empathy go out the window when there's a juicy bit of news to report.

When my husband got arrested for shoving me down a flight of stairs with our baby daughter in my arms, what I got was, "How could you let him do that?" and "Why didn't you fight back?" I basically got treated like a weak victim and looked at with a certain amount of scorn. A "real man" wouldn't have let him get away with that.

I think you're dealing with all of this better than most people would. You're maintaining your distance and your dignity, and you aren't letting him suck you back in. Instead of a bunch of "poor me" whining, you're looking for solutions and implementing them. I think you should be proud of yourself.

You have a lot going for you...a hell of a lot more than he does. Someone suggested that you might think of moving...I did that, I decided that putting a good amount of geographical distance between us was the best idea, and it's worked out well for me.

Things DO get better.

[Matt608]

Well I was mad at him, because of your previous posts.
So... serves him right.

Sucks for you, but this too shall pass. I'd probably move though...

Hearing you say that you were already mad at him made me smile because it feels like you're totally on my side and behind me all they way. Thanks, that kind of support means a lot.

[Matt608]

Well that man is utterly vile.



Whoa! you're being way too hard on yourself man.

People automatically assume you should be able to tell if someones that twisted. But that's just an illusion conjured up by childhood storybooks and Hollywood. The witch always has a crooked nose, the demons have red skin, the bad guy is always played by one of those villain actors that just looks evil. So everyone walks around with the idea that they have some sort of inbuilt evil detector.
Actors and writers have developed 1001 ways to subtly tell the audience that they are the bad guy.

In real life the only thing distinguishing a warped person from a healthy one is their thoughts and actions. So unless you're psychic or he really slipped up there is no way you could've known. But a man like that is not going to slip up often.

He's been concealing these dark impulses at least since he turned eighteen and he's doubtless become an expert in hiding his moral decay by now. The awful truth is that despite being together there's no reason to think he was anymore open with you than anyone else. You're ex was half-man, half skillfully crafted illusion.

You couldn't have found out any sooner than you did so stop judging yourself and don't let these naive people get to you.

Wow, you really are a very wise man. You've opened my eyes here. You're right, of course, I'm not psychic and I've never been the type that goes through their BF's phone or stalks his FB friends. I trusted him and took him at face value. Live and learn. And his best friend is as shocked as I am, he keeps saying that he's known my ex for 18 years and he should have seen it. I'm going to let him read what you wrote. And thanks again.