Cheer me up? I've messed up with someone I really like

[baristajedi]

Does she normally come to your side of town? Or have you two for the most part been back and forth?

Might be reading into thing too much. I used to drive for two hours, about 108 miles to see my partner all while he seldom if ever came up to my neck of the woods. Was it fair? No, not really, but I did it anyway because I know there's not much to do up here unless it is the lake and other outdoorsy things.

it’s more the expectation of what’s going to happen when I get there, I doubt it will be good. So I put it to her that if she wants to see more than just this one time I’m still happy to come tomorrow.

[InbetweenDreams]

But you have that expectation due to the tone of her text message? Perhaps you may be right but I would think it would be a bit over the top to make someone travel for an hour only to tell them it's been nice?

Of course, without the details it is really hard to say one way or another. That's the one thing that I often worry about when giving advice, am I giving good advice and do I know enough to give the advice I have and is my interpretation of what they posted the full picture.

[baristajedi]

But you have that expectation due to the tone of her text message? Perhaps you may be right but I would think it would be a bit over the top to make someone travel for an hour only to tell them it's been nice?

Of course, without the details it is really hard to say one way or another. That's the one thing that I often worry about when giving advice, am I giving good advice and do I know enough to give the advice I have and is my interpretation of what they posted the full picture.

I have that expectation because of the amount of time she put into the plan, like I think if she’s asking me to come just an hour, around the corner from her, she’s not making me much of a priority.

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But you have that expectation due to the tone of her text message? Perhaps you may be right but I would think it would be a bit over the top to make someone travel for an hour only to tell them it's been nice?

Of course, without the details it is really hard to say one way or another. That's the one thing that I often worry about when giving advice, am I giving good advice and do I know enough to give the advice I have and is my interpretation of what they posted the full picture.

I think at the moment I’m being super protective of myself, I have been feeling so many emotions about this woman, I think I’ve just decided I need to be more mindful of my heart. So I’m setting those couple of boundaries hoping it helps me feel a little more balance. It may mean I lose an opportunity with her but I think there’s a balance of making yourself vulnerable and establishing your own boundaries... I’m still figuring where to draw that line, but I think establishing a few boundaries just now has calmed down my twinges in my chest, so for the moment I feel like maybe it’s good. Who knows if it’s the right thing really, I have no clue what I’m doing lol.

[InbetweenDreams]

I guess I misread your post earlier, I thought it was an hour across town and not having only an hour to meet. However, her saying she only has an hour to meet doesn't mean she doesn't value you. She very well may not have more time. That being said, no one likes getting their hear broken, nobody does...but we all will get our hearts broken at some point.

Let things come naturally and don't get to wrapped up in your feelings for someone. Try not to read into things too much trying to speculate what they meant by something or speculate. I have been wrong too many times trying to speculate, or simply being blinded by being in love with someone that I only saw what I wanted to see and taking everything they said to me to heart (except for the things that actually mattered).

If you're absolutely sure her inviting you for an hour on her side of town is her sending you off on your way and you don't want to do that then don't, but if you're not completely sure then I think you should even if you think it is 50/50.

I really don't know, after all none of my relationships have worked out so well. I'm still trying get that right and figure out why anyone would want to date me in the first place. Who am I to tell you or anyone else what they should or should not do I have no idea, but I do like seeing people happy and I tend to try to get people to think optimistically about things and not make all the same mistakes I have.

[baristajedi]

I guess I misread your post earlier, I thought it was an hour across town and not having only an hour to meet. However, her saying she only has an hour to meet doesn't mean she doesn't value you. She very well may not have more time. That being said, no one likes getting their hear broken, nobody does...but we all will get our hearts broken at some point.

Let things come naturally and don't get to wrapped up in your feelings for someone. Try not to read into things too much trying to speculate what they meant by something or speculate. I have been wrong too many times trying to speculate, or simply being blinded by being in love with someone that I only saw what I wanted to see and taking everything they said to me to heart (except for the things that actually mattered).

If you're absolutely sure her inviting you for an hour on her side of town is her sending you off on your way and you don't want to do that then don't, but if you're not completely sure then I think you should even if you think it is 50/50.

I really don't know, after all none of my relationships have worked out so well. I'm still trying get that right and figure out why anyone would want to date me in the first place. Who am I to tell you or anyone else what they should or should not do I have no idea, but I do like seeing people happy and I tend to try to get people to think optimistically about things and not make all the same mistakes I have.

I think I can’t go back now to saying yes, I’ve already said I can’t come tomorrow, and this was probably dumb but I was honest about why, I said I am expecting I’ll likely be hurt through what comes up in our conversation and I don’t think I want to come there so far away with such a short time given that’s my sense of what may happen.

her response was “ok another time” I doubt we’ll end up meeting now at this point because then I sent other texts that were like I really want to meet if it’s likely were hanging out not just one last time. But I did suggest meeting Thursday. 

this is all really just a hot mess right now

[InbetweenDreams]

Well, one wise person (here on GS) once told me to let sleeping dogs lie. If you guys end up meeting Thursday, great go for it and see where the cards play. If you don't think it will happen then accept it and realize there are many people out there and people who will be more deserving of you.

I also really screwed things up with someone I really liked once upon a time and I know how it goes. You move on, things will be fine and things have a way of working out. So, don't beat yourself up and don't waste much time feeling bad about it. Now, go treat yourself to something that will make you feel better.

[baristajedi]

Well, one wise person (here on GS) once told me to let sleeping dogs lie. If you guys end up meeting Thursday, great go for it and see where the cards play. If you don't think it will happen then accept it and realize there are many people out there and people who will be more deserving of you.

I also really screwed things up with someone I really liked once upon a time and I know how it goes. You move on, things will be fine and things have a way of working out. So, don't beat yourself up and don't waste much time feeling bad about it. Now, go treat yourself to something that will make you feel better.

yeah, this is the best thing to do now I'm sure. I hate my impulses because sometimes i think - oh I just need to say this, or maybe I should just message this..... but I'm going to try and not do anything and maybe relax. I just wish that were more natural to me!

[InbetweenDreams]

@"baristajedi" Same here. I simply try to "remember what you did last time?" and not make the same mistakes. The worst thing I ever did was have a crush on someone lol.

I look back at how silly, ridiculous and out of touch I was. It is damn near impossible to keep your head on straight...That's what oxytocin does I suppose...

[Cridders88]

Overthinking. It is a horrible thing, and something that is really hard to control. I'll be completely honest, from reading all the posts it sounds like you may have put a bit too much pressure on her here. I understand you wanting to protect yourself, but this next meeting is now loaded with expectation of further meetings and not just hanging out more and getting to know each other naturally. Please don't take this as a criticism, we have all done similar and when you feel you really like someone the brain makes you do some strange things sometimes.

From an outsider reading what has happened, if it was me receiving these messages I might feel a little overwhelmed, especially if it is early days. It is also really difficult to read tone in text messages, which really hasn't helped here. I would leave the ball firmly in her court now about potentially meeting on Thursday. 

I hope you guys get some face to face time and it works out, I really do. If not, it'll be hard, but we live and learn. Use the time then to focus on yourself.

[baristajedi]

@"baristajedi" Same here. I simply try to "remember what you did last time?" and not make the same mistakes. The worst thing I ever did was have a crush on someone lol.

I look back at how silly, ridiculous and out of touch I was. It is damn near impossible to keep your head on straight...That's what oxytocin does I suppose...

I just wish I could have been more relaxed from the start. I don’t know where things shifted for myself, I was feeling relaxed and then suddenly not at all :/ ugh. This really is frustrating. Live and learn I guess....   

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Overthinking. It is a horrible thing, and something that is really hard to control. I'll be completely honest, from reading all the posts it sounds like you may have put a bit too much pressure on her here. I understand you wanting to protect yourself, but this next meeting is now loaded with expectation of further meetings and not just hanging out more and getting to know each other naturally. Please don't take this as a criticism, we have all done similar and when you feel you really like someone the brain makes you do some strange things sometimes.

From an outsider reading what has happened, if it was me receiving these messages I might feel a little overwhelmed, especially if it is early days. It is also really difficult to read tone in text messages, which really hasn't helped here. I would leave the ball firmly in her court now about potentially meeting on Thursday. 

I hope you guys get some face to face time and it works out, I really do. If not, it'll be hard, but we live and learn. Use the time then to focus on yourself.

Ugh, everything you’re saying is true. I can see it now that I have been putting pressure on her and that it’s all gotten so complicated. There was one moment that was really nagging at me that motivated all these dumb feelings on my part, and if I had just tried to let that go and relax I wouldn’t have ended up pushing so hard in all these other ways. I wouldn’t blame her if she just lets things drop now and doesn’t get back in touch. I kind of wish I could explain things at least from my perspective, but I know that no matter what I do now it’s just going to make things worse... :/