Partner gained Weight

[princealbertofb]

I'm not sure the gym partner will be enough to entice him to do a little more sport. But good luck with that solution anyway. What he really needs to do, probably is find something that will take him away from the computer and get him out and doing things. Charity work could be a good way to keep his mind off things and put him back into the saddle if all serious jobs fail. He could, at least, make himself useful to the community?

[tarotjoe]

I hate to say it this way but you are only 22. You are supposed to be idealistic in what you want. That is a good thing. You moved and changed your life for him and now you support him. He blames you because it is easier than blaming himself. You have the ability to leave him but, it seems he is the first man you put ahead of your own life. That is a HUGE thing. But there are other people out there. It seems your partner gave up and not you. He is not working to help. If that continues then YOU are better of with out him. If you want him, the him you fell in love with, fight to get him. Try Couples' counseling if needed. It is not shallow to have issues with a partner that gains weight. It is just the easiest thing to fix. I bet you hope that if that improves the other things that bother you about him will too. But that may not be the case. Love yourself enough to do what you KNOW you need AND want to do. I hope it works out for you.

[JoeyJoJo]

If you really loved him, I don't think weight would matter much.
I mean, it doesn't sound like he's obese/on the verge of a heart attack.

Weight gain is often a sign of depression. You could be a bit more understanding and not so critical.

[xxxj1985xxx]

Hi,
I'd hate to sound mean on this topic, but JoeyJoJo is 100% right lol.

That's why I don't Hot guys anymore because most the time they will generally treat you like Cr***p.

I'd rather have a guy weigh a few extra pounds w/ some extra booty who will treat me great than a guy who's hot who doesn't lol.

And you left him over how he looks. A relationship is more important than looks.

One of these years you'll find that to be true, hopefully before you're Single, 45yrs old, trying to hook up with 18yr olds, and refusing to date someone your age lol.

[alfvel]

I understand you completely. It is horrible to have a partner that no matter how horny you are turns you off when you see him naked. And the bad thing is that you can't do much about it.
That said, almost sounds like he decided to just have a comfortable lazy life off you. Look at it, he has a hot young lover, free housing, food, etc. And has to do nothing for it. Just make him get off his ass. For example, say you aren't making enough money and send him out as a door to door salesman, that would require a lot of walking and would help him get in better shape but also feel better about himself, have more purpose in life, and feel he is bringing something to the household, even if he's not making much!

[jamiebfd]

sex is great excercise. do more lol.
also...
if your gunna leave him just for gaining weight you need to ask yourself
1. do you really love him if you can do that.
2. what if it was the other way around.

[JoeyJoJo]

The thing is, I can understand getting angry if your partner isn't doing their share and just sitting on their butt all day. However, that seems like an afterthought compared to his 15-pound weight gain. I could also understand if you're concerned about his health. But that doesn't seem to matter either.....just the fact that his image doesn't make your dick hard anymore. How shallow can you be? It sounds like your relationship was built on LUST (not Love).
What would happen in 50 years -- when you two are old, gray and wrinkled?

[inspiron1721]

as someone who's put on a substancial weight gain after being with my partner for many year's i can honestly say that he's put on weight for one of two reason's or both even. he's become really comfortable with you and feel's you will love him no matter what so he's comfortable to have let himself go....or he's unsatisfied with something in his life. if his weight gain really bothers you i would suggest doing more active things and making him come along. this way it's not so personal but he's still being more active. if he's unhappy about something in his life help him work through his unhappiness and the weight will come off effortlessly. goodluck...and as a overweight person i don't even think you are being vain....it just is what it is...we all have different attractions.

[posterpicture]

He blamed you for things because you hurt his ego. Man is ego is huge. And the best way to defend is attack. We are all like that.
A relationship can only work if it contains understanding and forgiving.
I agree with you that is wrong for your partner to just sit down, gain weight, and live off your hard work.
But it 's not right for you to have the thought that you will leave him for the weights that he gains.

Also, try to wear your partner's shoes before judging him. Ask yourself the question, if you are fat, you are insecure about your life, would you want to go out to face the world? Would you be able to stand it if everyone at the gym laughs at your fat belly? Maybe that way, you will understand your partner feeling more. Try to make him put on your shoes also. Ask him what he thinks about your life, your feeling.


It takes courage to adapt to new thing. I hope you and your partner have courage to face this whole crisis. If you guys can pass this difficult stage, your relationship will evolve into a whole new level, I believe so.

[ihatehotweather]

Hi Saus,

I hate to echo so many before me, but please oblige me at the least. I felt after reading your post that sparked this thread, that you may have been acting a bit shallow, and materialistic. You began your post by describing how many pieces of realestate you reportedly own, your vehicle, your financial situation, and the current climate of your sex life. If you do indeed have some reasonable facsimle of feelings for your partner, which underlying your post it is appearant that tere is at least some smathering there; you musn't be seeking a solution from a forum of strangers. You should be seeking a solution with your partner.

I have been with my partner for 7 years, and have had the same highs and lows as the next couple. I myself have struggled with weight fluctuation at one point. I can tell you this from first hand knowledge... You commenting on his weight wasn't needed, you becomming poigniant about his weight was inconsiderate, you demanding he make a change to his diet or you would leave him is not only a recipe for romantic disaster, but you are treading on ice that you haven't checked the thickness of yet my friend. All posters previous to me have validated this already, we could stretch this thread to the ends of the earth as to the cause of his dietary change. However I cannot help but come back full circle on your crassness, and the obtuse attitude you have to the situation... First of all, it's not a situation, it's a fact of life my friend. As we age, our bodies change you yourself may be the size of a house when you are 50 only time will tell and never say never. So he gained some weight who cares? He is still the same person you purport to have fallen in love with from the beginning. This air of selfishness seems to be exacerbated by your touts of living situation that were aforementioned in the beginning of my post. You go on to describe the sacrifices you have made by moving to be with him, and leaving your family behind ( I do recall a more descriptive text however). Yet in the beginning of your post you varilly tell us how you were self motivated, and excited to move to his country to be with him, so this doesn't seem to be a case of self sacrifice in the least.

Regardless of what anyone has to say on this site, you are of age enough to know how to form a decision on your own. You know what you need to do, and undoubtedly you had made your decision on how to handle your presumed predicament before you even began this post; I think your were merely looking for quantification for your actions.
For the sake of you, your partner, as well as any future relashionships you may encounter whether they be romantic, platonic, personal, or professional I suggest you collectively examine your own sense of values, how you treat others, and what is truly important at the end of the day.

Best of luck to you.