Confused x 2

[joshmcc]

Hi

Recently I have become attracted to my best friend. He has recently split up with a teen love of 7 years and we have been spending a lot of time together over the last few months.

i have had similar feelings for him before but have never acted upon them as we have both had girlfriends. we get along brilliantly and we always finish eachothers sentences and have the same tastes, and there have been times before where i;ve picked up certain signals from him but none enough to act upon. we have never done anything sexual but we talk openly about things. recently we have slept in the same bed as friends but i have woken up the next day and it has felt right.

i have asked occasional leading questions to see if there is anything to work with but he has not responded. I feel as though i may be barking up the wrong tree and dont want to ruin our friendship by letting anything slip or asking him anything that leaves me vulnerable. We have been best friends for over 6 years so this is obviously a bit tricky.

the thing is i really cant tell what orientation he is, he seemed happy with his ex but she was his first and only partner so i dont know if this was forced or convenient. i dont know if i am seeing what i wnt to see and not the real picture.

i dont knw whats the best thing to do. has anybody got any advice or had similar situations...

[Glaedr]

Thats a tough situation there. I dont know. Personally I dont know any straight guy that would sleep in the same bed with someone who is dropping hints unless he is visiting you and doesn't have a bed near your place (but then again im in USA ur in UK things may be different). But extreme caution is advised with whatever you do.

[joshmcc]

thanks very much for your help,

Its just something i guess you never really know. i dont want to risk a friendship but also would spend every day with him if i could. Judging by the fact that he has been in a relationship with a girl for 6 years may be an indication for me that i'm way off the mark in my judgement.

we have spent a lot of time lately together since his split and it is never akward but whenever i ask him to open up he seems to immediately chsnge the subject or be distant. which makes me think he is just at a bit of a low point maybe and needs someone close by to help him through.

i think i have been pretty obvious in the past about my 'attraction' to him, but maybe he just doesnt want to notice or hasnt noticed. i have had more sexual partners (female) and maybe i have confused him to what i want. i have made subtle suggestions about things towards him, we have also mutually m4sturbated with one another a few years ago so i'm not really sure how that equates. he wouldnt let me look at him, but still carried on in the same room. when we spooned the other night, he wsnt embarassed to tell my brother about it which also confuses me (he's very close to my brother too as am i). its either a case of he is ok with it because we are mates as we have nothing to hide or something else?

i cant seem to make sense of it..

[Glaedr]

Hmmm. From what I am seeing, he may be either really deep in the closet, or just needs someone close to fill the hole his ex left him. (Lucky you with the masturbating story, I wish my roomates would let me do that, but they would probably be too weirded out). Thats very interesting though. There is always that possibility that you are making his actions something different than what they are in your head because you desire him that much, but who's to know? I have an extremely hard time with that myself. I wish so much that someone is gay that I often make an innocent gesture into a "is he?" type thing when I know he is straight.

Lol, I wish I could help more, but I dont have experience in that. My best guess is he probably isnt too sure of himself. Give him some time, be his best friend, and if he comes around, let him do it on his time (but dont let him slip away at the same time!).

Best of luck!!!!

[jbrowder24]

You've hinted at being bi, but have you confessed outright? If not, do you think he'd keep it in confidence (if that's a concern) or that he might judge you definitely? Admitting you like a friend is always tricky because you don't want the friendship to be awkward, and confusions over orientation just make it all the more complicated. But if you open up to him, perhaps if he's had thoughts of his own, he'd open up to you? Without knowing the rest of your situation, just something to consider.

[Virgin]

we have also mutually m4sturbated with one another a few years ago

i cant seem to make sense of it..

so am I.

anyway, if i were in your shoe, i won't bother about it too much. knowing if he's also inclined with same sex orientation, that is. even asking him outright if he's also gay would also not be such the brightest action. you said it so yourself, you don't want to risk your friendship with him.

think of it this way, are your romantic feelings for him strong enough to pursue a romantic relationship with him as soon as you ask and he confirms he likes you too? otherwise, the risks involved are just too high my friend.

[joshmcc]

^^i wish it was as easy as that.

thanks for your help guys. i appreciate it.

he has always seemed more than comfortable in my company and we always talk about things. he was having a shower in front of me the other day and it didnt seem to bother him one little bit. i just dont really know how to even begin the whole process. its something i struggle admitting to myself, let alone to someone else who i could potentially lose,

we are going away on holiday with my brother and wife this summer to the usa, and he doesnt seem to have any akwardness towards that, which i also find somewhat strange. most friends would think that was maybe a bit weird or too akward. i just talk myself out of things a heck of a lot, but also talk things up too much too. there have been quite a few instances where i've been suggestive and tried to mke it obvious. i asked him last week when we were sleeping in the same bed "u never seem to open up or tell me anything, or let me know what your thinking" to his reply of "what do you mean?" and a pause and "im not thinking anything" admittedly we were both pretty drunk but we were spooning two nights in a row, and it didnt even seem like a problem. i just find it hard to comprehend. its never been like this as i have always known him to be with his girlfriend who was also my friend so this opportunity has never come about (apart from the mutual masturbation which was when he was still with her although we never touched). its now as if its become more prominent as we are both single but i dont know. we always joke about "spendingtoo much time with eachother". and how he woke up excited but it was a bit akward so turned back over.

to me if he was interested in the slightest he would have shown maybe a bit more of an obvious interest by now??

we play in the same soccer team, go out on weekends together and pretty much everything else, which makes it all the more difficult for me.,

[azulai]

In terms of him, and his needs, I would ask you, why the rush?
If you care for him deep down and you want more than just a fuck buddy, then put him before your needs—even your emotional need to know if he likes you.

You are saying that he just got out of a 7 year relationship—that’s 7 years of emotional investment that he made—he may need time to grieve, accept and move on. Was it a bad breakup? Do you want to be a rebound or do you want more? Maybe just slow down and let it be?

It sounds like he obviously TRUSTS and NEEDS you. It sounds like he is trying to figure things out right now, so just hold him and be there. You’re spooning!???! (I’m envious! :tongue Why can’t you just enjoy the contact, the touch? Cuddle and just be tender with him. Maybe he just can’t handle heavy emotional talking right now.

I guess what I’m saying is if you really want something special with him, let him breathe. Just be there, hold him and when and if he decides to turn around from all that spooning, he’ll turn around to you.

In terms of you, and your needs, is this whole situation emotionally healthy for you? You know the person that he is, would he use you for comfort? Would he use you just to satisfy a need? How far are you willing to be there? How long? I just think there is so much potential heartbreak here. Does he make the move to be near you or is it always you? He may just want to be around his best guy friend, and that’s all you are.

I would just go on the trip and make it fun. Maybe try to do a few things just the two of you without your brother and sister-in-law. Show him the potential of what being the other half of a pair with you is like.

I hope it all turns into something really beautiful for you both.

[simon]

I think you may be readin a lot into this,going on holiday is not weid so I can't see how you can see that as some sort of clue,the wanking again was when you both were young and you say he wouldnot let you watch him but only in the same room,my guess is he isn't because after such a long time I would have thought you would have been able to tell if he was by now.

[Rosie]

You were spooning with him? I don't know any straight guys who would do that with another guy, regardless oof how good of friends they are.