Falling for a straight guy and he's an Italian diplomat

[diplomat01]

I’m a discreet good looking gay man and I’m starting to fall for this straight Italian I met 3 months ago at my cousin’s party. Pretty much went off well the first time I met him. We spoke for hours seated on one corner at my friends party, gave him my calling card hoping he’d call or text – yes, a long shot but he did send me a text message the next day inviting for drinks at a local bar before hitting my friends party which were both invited. 2nd night hanging out with him went pretty well, spoke for hours and felt the unusual chemistry. There were a lot of times we would just look at each other without batting an eyelash then he’d smile, I’d smile back too. He asked me if I was gay, I didn’t want to scare him off so I said “I used too but it didn’t work out pretty well but still open to anything really”, he then replied “people think I am but I’m not.” I brushed it off , headed to my friends place and enjoyed the night. Okay, he is probably straight and all, but he has been giving me hints every now and then from his text messages, emails to his actions. Probably it’s him being Italian, I really don’t know.

When we’re together, he’d put his head on my shoulder and I’d sometimes do the same. We’d hug, I tap his tummy and he’s look at me and just smile. I sometimes just play with his hair and he’d look at me and do the puppy face.... He’d sometimes email/ send me text messages with ( :-) , ;-) and sometimes hugs or big hug ). I don’t want to over analyze things but he’s been giving me hints.

Last month, he got hospitalized for a week and I took care of him on his first day. The fact that he didn’t want to tell anyone about it and told me made me really smile. When together, we’re pretty much like a couple. He is definitely goodlooking and really nice. I even gave him a nice framed photo that I took of him during our trip to the beach.

I once invited him to go fabric shopping and he bought a couple of fabrics from the shop for his dress shirts but again he’s Italian. He’s invited me for pasta and lunch and I’d do the same thing and finally was able to invite him for dinner. It was quick though like an hour since he had to rush home to give lend his key to this girl he has been seeing but didn’t know what to do with her since she’s been pretty nice to him ever since he got here. He’d tell me his whereabouts if I ask him and I’d do the same. I pretty much know his schedule and he knows mine. Yes, he’s we’re both pretty comfortable with each other and even gone to the beach last month with his friends.

After dinner, I sent him a quick text message “ it was great catching up with you although really quick. Hugs” and he replied “Yeah I know … but better than nothing! See you!” My friend said it’s a good sign and I just have to be patient.

I bet he knows I like him. I plan to level up the game by telling him I like him next month but I’m too afraid things will go flat. What to do?

Btw, when he sends me a text message, pretty scarce though but he replies to all my messages and emails. And oh, he’s a diplomat.

[princealbertofb]

This sounds like a complex matter and situation. From what we understand, this man has said he was straight, but acts at least gay-friendly, so is not afraid of someone who admits he's gay and / or interested. He may in fact be bisexual... What I read from the account mostly was that he was 1) a foreigner and 2) a diplomat, making it difficult for him to get entangled in a compromising situation, should such a situation arise.

Really it all depends on how difficult you want to make the situation for this man. By telling him how you feel about him, you might be putting him in difficult position, one in which he might have to avoid being with you, although from what you've said it seems unlikely, but maybe one in which he'll have to keep his distance. Again, maybe by his actions, he's been signifying that he's quite comfortable with the situation so far. I'm just wondering how much more comfortable he'll be once you tell him you're falling in love with him. It will put some pressure on him. The question is: are you willing to jeopardize what you've already got, or can you be patient enough to see what develops until there comes a time (better suited) to telling him just how you feel?

It seems to me that, for the moment, he's considered you as just a friend, a good friend, one with whom he connects. But if he's truly straight, then maybe that's all it will ever be.
You should maybe get him to talk about his girlfriends or conquests, just so you know how involved he's been with them. Being a diplomat, however, he may think that this is a private topic and not something to be discussed so openly. Hearing him talk about his female partners may give you an indication of how well he connects to the fairer sex.

I'm also thinking that saying he's straight may just be a convenient excuse to ward off what might land him in a sticky situation. We are aware that being gay in the Italian culture still isn't so easy as it ought to be in a European country. It's a country that remains quite macho, even though the refinement of Italians can show much sensitivity and delicateness.

This being said, I don't see any reason why you should discontinue your relationship with this man if you enjoy his company, but you've got to be aware that it might never lead to anything in the romantic sphere. Wouldn't it be better to invest your feelings in someone who could definitely requite them?

[Virgin]

welcome pala sayo.

tungkol diyan sa prob mo, i suggest na wag mo nalang siyang i pursue o seryosoin kasi nga straight siya. baka madissappoint ka lang my friend..

by the way, member ka ba ng SEB?

[SrChulo]

Wow, thats tough. He totally sounds gay and into you, but ALL Latin euro men look gay to Americans.

But his actions make me think he probably is. Straight guys shouldn't give that much of a gay vibe... Straight guys don't hang out teo days in a row after first meeting. Haha. I'm generalizing.

Wait a bit longer and just tell him that YOU're gay if you're comfortable with that, since he'll probably be comfortable with it too. Then he can choose if he wants to tell you the same. (If he is)

[diplomat01]

I’m forcing myself not to communicate with him since our dinner. My situation is pretty complex and I also don’t want to jeopardize his situation knowing his position. He’s pretty up there.

One thing I know he knows, I’m one educated guy from a well to do family and wouldn’t take advantage of him, pretty well traveled too. He might be bisexual, he might be gay, he might want a bromance, it can be anything.

We’re scheduled to go out of town for a short holy week trip and I plan to tell him how I feel when we get back but I don’t know if it’s too soon. I also really don’t want to ruin everything we have.
He actually gave me an assurance that we’re still seeing each other after the dinner last Tuesday. He also told me that he’ll be busy and wont be able to see me until the end of the month as his parents are flying in from Rome this weekend for three weeks – totally fine with me.

Also, one instance I was getting a drink at the bar and he waited for me until I got mine and walked with me to our table. He’d always get me drinks when we’re out and refuses that I pay for his. Weird but yes, I find it sweet.

Funny two weeks ago, a girl walked up to me and asked me if he was gay. I asked why, girl said we both seem to be like magnets, he’d look for me, rather stand beside me and talk and our body language says it all. The girl has been flirting with him since I first introduced him to her haha

I’m not discontinuing my relationship with him….probably will just go with the flow.

[diplomat01]

Wow, thats tough. He totally sounds gay and into you, but ALL Latin euro men look gay to Americans.

But his actions make me think he probably is. Straight guys shouldn't give that much of a gay vibe... Straight guys don't hang out teo days in a row after first meeting. Haha. I'm generalizing.

Wait a bit longer and just tell him that YOU're gay if you're comfortable with that, since he'll probably be comfortable with it too. Then he can choose if he wants to tell you the same. (If he is)

Hey SrChulo, one thing too that shocked him on our second night out, I told him I couldn’t speak Italian but can speak Spanish since I grew up speaking the language thanks to mi abuelito who’s from Seville.

He then spoke to me in Spanish - we just had a blast.

I’m just waiting for him to tell me to bring him to my tailor. He reminded me the week before our dinner.

[hndsup]

Okay, he is probably straight and all, but he has been giving me hints every now and then from his text messages, emails to his actions. Probably it’s him being Italian, I really don’t know.

What do you mean like "it's probably him being italian?" It's not like in Italy it's normal to place your head in another guy's shoulder as you say he did.. besides, he knows you are gay (sort of). If he were straight, he wouldn't just hug you, cause it would obviously confuse you.
I think he's only having a bad time dealing with his homosexuality or admitting it to you. If I were you, I'd tell him you are gay and that you actually like him. If he's gay, he'll still be around and you will only have to be patient.

[diplomat01]

I think he's only having a bad time dealing with his homosexuality or admitting it to you. If I were you, I'd tell him you are gay and that you actually like him. If he's gay, he'll still be around and you will only have to be patient.

I really think so too. People think he’s straight but he’s somewhat different with me. he entirely acts differently with me. I’m flying to Italy this September for a 3 week vacation and he asked me why I was going without him. It would be useless flying to Italy without him there he said. (got me confused again) but just told him that I’d like to do it alone for a change, looked at him and smiled and he did the puppy face ( ugh, was he flirting or what?).

We had a moment once when he was showing me around his penthouse and he brought me inside the maids room which isn’t big at all, he closed the door…we both looked at each other, room was dead quiet, I froze and didn’t know what to do. I just bowed my head and smiled….then he all of a sudden opened the door and left and toured me around the kitchen. Was it a misopportunity? Was he giving me signals to kiss him? I dunno!

Lately he’s been really busy so I don’t send him text messages. He rarely texts me but when I text him, he’d reply. He could have brushed me off if he wasn’t interested.

[SrChulo]

Lol. Ok, definitely gay I say. Shuts you in the maid's closet together?!

Make a move.

[diplomat01]

I should have done something! ugh, crossing my fingers for another solo moment with him haha :biggrin: