Im a straight woman and i think my bf is gay

[ashhasgaybf]

HELLO EVERYONE,
IF ANYONE COULD PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE, OR JUST SOME SORT OF HELP?....
i AM A 25 YEAR OLD STRAIGHT WOMAN WHO HAS BEEN IN A HETEROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP FOR OVER 2 YEARS.
,-I HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN MY BF IS "INTO" hetero PHONE SEX,WEB CAM MASTURBATION AND ONLINE CHAT. ONE DAY THO IDECIDED TO INSTALL A KEYLOGGER ON MY COMPUTER.....
AFTER A WEEK OR SO OF THE USUAL STUFF....I SAW MY BOYFRIEND TYPE IN THE SEARCH_________FREE GAY CHAT_______ ENTER THE CHAT ROOM, MAKE A SCREEN NAME, SOLICIT PHONE SEX FROM YOUNG GAY BLACK MEN. :confused:
I WAS FLOORED. BEING ASTONISHED AND IN DISBELIEF I BEGAN TO TRY AND PROVE IT WRONG TO MYSELF.
BUT THAT WAS IMPOSSIBLE:
HIS SCREEN NAME WAS OUR ZIP CODE
HE WAS CHATTING WITH A USER NAMED FUKMYFEET AND MY BOYFRIEND LOVES FEET
AND THE ONE THAT REALLY GOT ME WAS HE WAS GIVING THE MEN OUR MAGIC JACK PHONE NUMBER FOR THEM TO CALL!
NOT TO MENTION HE WAS SAYING THINGS LIKE PHONE SEX CALL ME HURRY
WANNA CHAT AND CUM HURRY HURRY CALL
(I WAS AT THE STORE)
bESIDES THIS, I'VE BEEN NOTICING THAT MY TANNING LOTION WAS BEING USED AND SOMETIMES BEING CUT OPEN JUST TO GET THE LAST OUT! i ASSUMED IT WAS A GIRLFRIEND OR SOMETHING.
WHEN I SAW MY CUT OPEN EMPTY TANNING LOTION BOTTLE WRAPPED IN TISSUE AND PUT IN THE TRASH I KNEW EXACTLY WHO DID IT. MY BF CUZ I HADN'T USED THAT LOTION IN WEEKS AND NO ONE CAME OVER THAT DAY.
I OPENED HIS DRAWER AND THERE WERE HIS MUSTACHE SNIPS WITH BROWN SPARKLY LOTION ON THEM. I WAS SO UNSURE OF HOW TO CONFRONT THIS, SO I WROTE "STOP USING MY T LOTION ITS EXSPENSIVE" ON A POST IT AND TAPED THE ISNIPS TO THE EMPTY BOTTLE. :frown:
TRULY I NEVER SAW MYSELF IN THIS SITUATION, ACTUALLY I KNEW I NEVER WOULD...HOW COULD SOMEONE BE WITH A MAN AND NOT KNOW HE'S GAY?
IS WHAT I ALWAYS THOUGHT...........AND I STILL THINK THAT WAY,JUST IM THAT GIRL.
IS IT STRANGE THAT I FEEL COMPASSION AND LOVE FOR HIS INTERNALL TORTURE?
....HERE'S THE ICING, WE HAVE A 6 MONTH OLD DAUGHTER.......
PLEASE HELP ME SOMEHOW, ANYONE HAVE ADVICE?
OH YEAH, HE'S ALL CHEVY FOR ME (LIKE A ROCK) SO BI THEN?
THANK U
LOVE ASHLEY

[jbrowder24]

All caps is a bit hard to read, but yes he'd be either bi or bi-curious. It might even be something fetish related, like he likes to j/o to men's feet etc but doesn't actually want to be with a man.

I'm not sure what to tell you. There seems to be trust and communication issues because the only way you can tell him outright you know for sure is to admit to the keylogger, which there shouldn't have been a need for if things were going well. A few options: 1) ignore it and accept your b/f enjoys secret kink chat but if he's with you 1-on-1 maybe that's okay; 2) confront him directly and tell him about the keylogger, and maybe you should because it's not good to have these trust issues; or 3) find a way to bring up the subject with him in a different way... start a conversation about sexuality or fetishes or whatever... see where things go. Even if you choose this option, he may not answer and you may still need to revert back to 1 or 2. And if he does answer with #3, you should still get rid of that keylogger. You guys need to be able to be open and honest with each other and trust each other. Oh and you should figure out... if you do get him to be honest and it's just chat, is that something you can accept or is that a form of cheating to you? A lot of people would probably feel betrayed by both of your actions, the chat and the keylogger, so I'm not going to weigh too heavily on if you should forgive him if he's honest or not, you guys just have a lot to work through...

Perhaps there are other options that members will have but those are the few things that come to my mind.

[fenris]

Hi :-)
at first I want to say : Don´t panic ... try to be and stay "cool"... not easy, but it helps to prevent errors due incorrect decisions.

There are so many possibilities ... maybe your bf is bisexual ... or he only want to try.... maybe he likes the vision of having sex with a men ( and nothing happend ). I dont think he is gay.....

What I think is, that you now know to much about him to ignore his secret life... and so you should talk with him about it. But : be peaceful, don´t cry, don´t be loud or things like that... I know it is not easy... but the only way to clear this situation in a good way - good for you both.

Wait for his answers .... and think that it is not easy for him, too. It maybe looks like that he cheats you.. but it is not as easy as it sounds.

And you should think what you want to do.... if he really is bisexual. To have a bisexual partner is not sooo bad as you maybe think in this time. Talk with him about it.... try to understand him ... let him explain what he thinks ... why he did what he did....

Maybe it sounds very bad for you now... and you think to break up your partnership is the only way you have ... but don´t rush. Its not necessary to break up .... If he is bisexual... and you both know it... there is no more pressure for him.

Here we have a saying : Life is not a Pony-farm... that means that it is often not easy. But in your case it is possible to have maybe a better partnership as before.

And a very personal tipp ... don´t observe your partner ... not what he is doing at his Pc... not his phone and so on ..... you only hurt yourself... being jealous... and that is sometimes more dangerous for a partnership as let your partner at a long leash....

[simon]

talk to him and if you can't afford for him to use your tanning lotion tell him to buy his own,leaving postit notes will not get to the bottom of this,have you noticed where he is using the lotion? if it's his legs or face or just his arms? I would sit him down and talk this over as that is the only way to know for sure,spying on him is not going to help sort this out.

[romannose]

There's no easy way; you will have to talk to him, or, the relationship is over. It is always a risky thing to read/see other's private messages. There may be nothing to this, I wish you well.

[nude]

Hi, I think your bf is possibly focusing on this website because he knows being gay is taboo. I recon you should bring it up gently with him and say you fully understand. Then offer to go on the website with him to explore. The novelty will soon wear off once this happens or you will find out he loves it and wont stop.


Good luck.

[ninja]

well until not that long ago i was in a long term straight relationship. i think there are many possibility's he could just be experimenting, there no knowing if hes gay, i think the best thing would be to talk to him and not use keylogging software thats abit weird, you never know it might just be a feet thing like if he likes really big feet well men are more likely to have them than women

[getoutta]

I dont think he's gay. But sounds like a bi-curious. The easiest way is to confront him. And you can take it from there. It's hard to assume ashley

[ashhasgaybf]

Hey it's ash with the bi or gay boyfriend...
thanx everyone for your input. Im sorry i didn't clear things up more, but he knows about the keylogger. I dont use it to spy in the evil way that sounds. I just needed to know. I used to be the opposite of how i am now. Ive come a long way when it comes to how i handle myself(where anger and other emotions could be concerned) it just seems ive gone too far and kept it all in. Also he knows and has known since the beginning of our sexual realationship that i am open to new turn ons and so on.
If i had to say what the main reason i have for continuing to skirt this issue, i'd say because i love him, and when the situation is as sensitive as this may be, its hard to find the right words....
ashley

[zeon]

Hello Ashley,
Sorry to hear your partner is going behind your back with black men... It is never easy when the oppisite sex goes with the same sex as they are because if it was another woman you could compete.. What I would do if I was in your situation is sit him down and talk to him about the possibility of him being bi sexual.. I know he has a daughter with yourself but overtime if someone is gay and has been trying to hide it it may be nearing the time that he wants to announce to the world that he wants to be with a man.. If he does or did would there be anyway the two of you could resolve the issue without shouting and being abusive to revert it back as friends??? I as a gay man know that women prefer gay men as friends in alot of instances because they feel safe and secure.. If it turns out that he is bi sexual then you know its all ok..
Would you be happy to allow him to chat to other men in sexual ways??? I have often beleived that if your in a relationship with someone regardless whether its hetrosexual or homosexual calling someone and having a horny chat is different to actual shag... For example a friend of mine several years ago caught his boyfriend talking dirty to some guy in america over the phone and told me all the details and he was going mad stating how his cheating on him etc so i had to put it blunt and say Get a grip his not cheating his just experimenting... How can phoning someone and saying something like... What you wearing be classed as cheating??
Now the fact you installed a keylogger on your computer indicates to me that you are worried about something... I wouldnt want to go down the road of your insecure because then id be judging you based on what you have put and it is too early to state things like that.. I can only say that the keylogger has given you a heads up to what he is doing so at least you know in your mind that if he did leave you for a man the cards were put on the table via a keylogger.. I wouldnt recommend saying I dont want you to talk to the gay chat men ever again purely because that would show that your trying to control him and if you control someone you can end up pushing them away without meaning to...
Dont try and proove anything wrong to yourself in the relationship you and your boyfriend have got because that is punishing yourself for something you dont deserve... I would accept facts and fictions as they unfold.. I know with my ex if he did something like stay out at another persons house irresspective of whether sex happenned or not I just told him when we were together that as long as he is honest with me about everything that is all that matters... Why not tell your boyfriend that you want him to be honest about everything with you as you will be with him... Make it like a verbal contract... The last thing you want to do is find that this spirials out of control and you both end up collapsing in the relationship..
Now with regards to giving out a phone number you both use that is something id go mad about.. I wouldnt want random men calling my home invading my castle telling me they want to speak to my boyfriend so they can get their rocks off while i knowingly stay in another room for him to masturbate like a thing possessed.. If he wishes to partake in this activity why not tell him to give out his mobile/cell phone number to them NOT the landline.. This will ensure your privacy is protected and his calling a third party line..
Most hetrosexual people regardless of gender never beleive they will ever see themselves in this predict moment your expericing.. It isnt always easy to spot that your fella would turn out gay so dont blame yourself for not knowing and ontop of that he may not want to exactly go round shouting from the rooftops that his a cock cruncher.. My ex boyfriend who I live with has a 14 year old son and his ex partner (childs mother) said she never knew he was gay until he moved away and was honest from a distance... Things in society and in life can change at any time... If he is gay if not bi sexual then my best advice based on what you have said is to support him and show him you do still care if you end up not being together... Dont end the relationship if it does end on a negative note because being friends with someone irrespective of whether you love/loved them or not is better than throwing everything you two have worked for together away... It is something that is hard at first but then does get easier when you both learn your boundaries and if you choose to still live together if it went sour then hold a coffee meeting between you both over lunch and discuss like civilized adults rules of the house for example... No shags allowed home.. At least in this manner your daughter would still have her dad around her.. Dont worry about the daughter being affected if her dad is gay... My ex partners son was told his dad is gay and his told the whole school he goes to that his got a gay dad and alot of them at his school have seen how chilled out his dad is and said they wish their dad was gay so he would be chilled out too... (which i thought was a funny statement for a child to say)
On a final note... Regardless what way he swings i am sure he will always be your ickle rock as you both have a connection via a child

Kindest regards and best of luck

Zeon x