having problems when meeting certain kind new people

[fredv3b]

Why be uncomfortable, football just bores me.

[zeon]

Why be uncomfortable, football just bores me.

lol it does with me.. I just hate the subject about it and you dont want to feel a twat when dealing with someone new... Especially if they are someone your thinking OH HELLO!!!

[matty7]

i love football but have prob as many mates who hate it - let them know football's not your thing, let them talk about it but at some point try or ask to change the subject if poss - we realise when were all together that we can go on about footy so we change the subject as not to bore our mates - plus they tell us anyway lol

[posterpicture]

I only get uncomfrotable around people personally when they go on about football because i am like a lead balloon to water on that subject... I cant do the whole hetrosexual "Cor did ya see the game mate what a cracker it was when tinky winky passed to po who headed to dipsy and before you know it tubby bloody custard was everywhere!!!"

Sod that for a game of soliders lol

zeon

straight talk?
I normally just play it by calling girls "chicks" and talk about working out and protein powder. Also, always say "dude". :eek:

[Miller91]

I read a book called What to say next by Susan Roane. I was just like you. However, it says to try doing your homework before activities with friends. For instance, going throught the newspaper and finding articles you like...for example Sports or Entertainment. Read those, take some notes on a indesx card study them for awhile and it should come naturally after that. If your afraid of forgetting any info then jsut stick it in you back pocket. And in an emergency run to the bath room to recall your ideas.

[Mike]

I noticed myself having this problem for a long time, i've tried overcoming it but it still troubles me from time to time.

That is, when i meet new people, i feel really stressed and behave unnaturally.
I can joke around with those i've known for some time, but to new people, i am always ...shy.

It only happens when i meet a specific kind of people. Usually those who are quite passion, and can "warm up" in a very short time. It also happens when i meet a group of new people who have already known each other( i am the new guy )

I've tried to be more....active but that just make things worse.

To those who are not that passion...i don't have that problem.


A few days ago one of my friend invited me to a dinner, with a few people i met the first time. They know each other very well...except me. And i was like an idiot...certainly embarrassed my friend a lot. I feel really bad.

Are there any way i could make myself "warm up" a bit faster?? It sounds silly but that's the problem i think i am having. This problem is preventing me making new friends in a short time. I need quite certain time to make friends. And it's a big problem.

Or if you think i am just retard....point that out :p

You're NOT retarded, far from it. I think you'll be surprised to know, as I was, that many people have this problem.

I think this is a kind of social anxiety. We're almost the same here.
The only thing that's different is - I like passionate people and I usually feel comfortable around them more easily than others. It's worse when I meet "sharp" people - people who try to "rate" you the first time they see you.

A few things that make it easier:

1. You have to be able to leave, whenever you feel like leaving. Have your car with you / money for bus fare, so that you won't feel trapped.

2. Take it easy - don't try to be the center of attention. Take it step by step. Think about what you're about to say, before you say it, but be careful not to over-think it.

3. Stop minimizing / criticizing yourself in your head! No one is perfect! Don't be sure you made a fool out of yourself with those new people. It may all be just in your head.

4. Don't think other people are better than you, they're NOT. Not always saying the perfect thing / telling the perfect joke doesn't make you small, it makes you human!

Remember - they may feel just as you feel. You're not the only one who feels this way.

Love,
Ron.

[Mike]

A good technique I have found useful in similar social situations is to learn to ask questions, and then listen to the answers. Then ask another follow up question. That way you are interacting in a normal social way by showing interest, but not having to deal with the pressure of the one being the focus of interest and having to do all the talking. Ask inquiring questions following up on what the other person has said. A good listener is always a welcomed dinner guest.

Sounds like the perfect way to deal with it. I'll try it myself...

THANKS!

[seeking]

You're NOT retarded, far from it. I think you'll be surprised to know, as I was, that many people have this problem.

I think this is a kind of social anxiety. We're almost the same here.
The only thing that's different is - I like passionate people and I usually feel comfortable around them more easily than others. It's worse when I meet "sharp" people - people who try to "rate" you the first time they see you.

A few things that make it easier:

1. You have to be able to leave, whenever you feel like leaving. Have your car with you / money for bus fare, so that you won't feel trapped.

2. Take it easy - don't try to be the center of attention. Take it step by step. Think about what you're about to say, before you say it, but be careful not to over-think it.

3. Stop minimizing / criticizing yourself in your head! No one is perfect! Don't be sure you made a fool out of yourself with those new people. It may all be just in your head.

4. Don't think other people are better than you, they're NOT. Not always saying the perfect thing / telling the perfect joke doesn't make you small, it makes you human!

Remember - they may feel just as you feel. You're not the only one who feels this way.

Love,
Ron.

yes....sharp people, accurate. That's what i meant actually.

and for point 2 3 4 ...!! Exactly what my problems are!!

When i face sharp people, i care too much about how would they rate me and i kept focusing on their facial expressions and reaction...which make me really unnatural.

Many many thanks..! Make me know myself better, so i could find ways to tackle the problems.