I don't like a guy as much as he likes me

[bicollegeguy21]

There's this guy that I met and we've gone out on a few dates and hung out over the last two weeks and we've had sex...I'm just not as attracted to him as much as he is to me. He tells me he likes me a lot and he's so happy we're seeing each other. He texts me all the time and he wants to hang out almost everyday.
We're not officially boyfriends so there isn't a strong commitment. I'm just not into him. I'm a very shy and polite person and I don't like confrontation but I need to break it off with him without hurting his feelings. I don't want to just say hey I don't think this is going to work out. I was thinking about telling him I'm not ready for a serious relationship but I know he's going to be upset anyway I do it. I feel horrible about it.

How should I break it off without hurting him?

[princealbertofb]

It seems to me that he's already hooked... Maybe he's been too quick in giving you his heart and should have waited for things to settle or become consolidated. I don't supposed you promised him anything, but anyway you do it, you'll have to deal with some of the consequences of breaking this relationship off.

You might just ask him how he feels about having an open relationship, one in which you are free to go seeking other partners. Maybe that would be the time to tell him that you haven't set any rules between you yet as you are not committed yet. Surely he knows that you have not committed yourself to anything?

You might also say that you don't wish to hurt his feelings but he's taking things a little too far too soon. The only thing I think you should not mention, so as not to hurt his sense of self worth, is that you are "not into him". This is something that is difficult to explain to anyone. Maybe saying that you are not ready for a monogamous relationship will help. Does he know that you are bi and therefore (I presume) also attracted to girls?

Good luck with telling him how you really feel.

[bicollegeguy21]

It seems to me that he's already hooked... Maybe he's been too quick in giving you his heart and should have waited for things to settle or become consolidated. I don't supposed you promised him anything, but anyway you do it, you'll have to deal with some of the consequences of breaking this relationship off.

You might just ask him how he feels about having an open relationship, one in which you are free to go seeking other partners. Maybe that would be the time to tell him that you haven't set any rules between you yet as you are not committed yet. Surely he knows that you have not committed yourself to anything?

You might also say that you don't wish to hurt his feelings but he's taking things a little too far too soon. The only thing I think you should not mention, so as not to hurt his sense of self worth, is that you are "not into him". This is something that is difficult to explain to anyone. Maybe saying that you are not ready for a monogamous relationship will help. Does he know that you are bi and therefore (I presume) also attracted to girls?

Good luck with telling him how you really feel.

Thanks princealbert. I haven't promised him anything. He know's I'm bi and he said that he doesn't care as long as I like him. I think the major mistake was having sex with him. That was probably rushing it and now he feels that closeness you feel after you are intimate with someone. He's not a virgin, I actually was but I just didn't feel that "closeness" after. I feel so bad. I really don't want to string him along and make him think I want to be with him. He wants to go out to lunch tomorrow so I was going to tell him then.

[princealbertofb]

As I said, good luck. Hope he takes it the right way. You can also wish him good luck in finding the right sort of partner...

[posterpicture]

He will get hurt either way!!
Believe me. I have been there.
PA knows my story, he can be a witness =D

[marshlander]

He sounds a bit overwhelming. Everyone moves at different speeds. If he's more keen on you it probably doesn't make a lot of difference how you do it, it will hurt. A quiet and more or less honest talk is probably best. This is going faster and further than you intended.

Good luck.

[Samis]

Like marshlander said, he sounds a bit overwhelming. God knows I've been like that with some of my exes, but..it sounds bad when written.

I recommend you finish it quick. He'll be hurt and in tears for a while but I'm sure he'll bounce back up on his feet in no time. I hope he takes it well. Let us know. All the best to both of you. =)

[Vigilias]

In short, there is no way you can break it off with him without hurting his feelings. It's impossible.

You just have to summon up the courage to tell him honestly and without any ambuguity. At least you'll have respected him as a person.

Good luck!

[East]

LIE! :biggrin: LOL Really...I have been in this exact place before and I have paid a high price for being honest. I have had to file restraining orders and I have gone to court on more than one occasion due to stalkers..they started just like this. I used to spend so many hours cussing out these people and lamenting to myself about how unfair it all was...until I figured out that life is not fair and you just gotta deal with it.

You have to expect aggression and/or obsession with these types and if I could do it all over again I would have lied to each one of them to avoid the aftermath. I was shy and polite as well once upon a time and this can be an aphrodisiac to obsessive types of men.

I really do think telling the truth is the best course of action and there is no way to prevent hurting his feelings but having experienced this I wanted to give you an alternate solution in case you need it:eek:

[Wintereis]

honesty and tact