confused about my sexuality

[tommy53]

hi, the last few months iv had alot of trouble figuring out if im definatly bi.
I actually came out nearly 3 years ago to my straight best friend who at the time i was crazy about, after i got over my feelings for him i met my first boyfriend who i thought i liked but in our first night together i couldn't feel anything for him.

i thought at first it was a lack of experience or nerves, but he split up with me the next day and about a year ago i started losing intrest in guys until recently and now it seems like im intrested in guys one day n then not intrested the next, and because of that i dnt feel like i can have a relationship wether its a gay or straight one.

i was wondering if anyone else is in a similar position? and i really would appreciate any advice.

[jbrowder24]

Forget relationships for a second... think about what turns you on, what attracts you. Boobs? A guy's pecs? Both? Any difference in thinking about going down on a guy versus a girl? You may very well be bi, and perhaps it's not even 50/50 but leaning more one way ot the other. All that said, being confused is normal. I was 21 myself when I even begun admitting to myself that I was gay.

With the guy you liked but then lost interest upon meeting - did he seem different in person? Sometimes guys don't meet our expectations in person so a case like that is normal. If it happens regularly though, who knows? Is there a bit of a commitment phobia in there too? Maybe, or maybe you just need a little time to be you as a singleton before becoming you as part of a couple.

Good luck

[tommy53]

i think girls turn me on abit more than guys most ov the time, but it seems to depend on my mood aswel.

i had met the guy before but it was always when we were around other people, but when we were on our own he did seem different, all he wanted to do was sleep with me straight away and would hardly kiss or cuddle first so i think that was part of the problem but thats the only guy iv been with. i seem to notice it the most when I'm watching porn, i sometimes find it really hard to stay turned on when I'm watching stuff with just guys in but there's no problem when its just stuff with girls in. other times tho its the other way round and i get really turned on by a guy.

[Ian]

I suggest not thinking about it in the strict terms of sexual orientation. Your genetic makeup has allowed for you to be attracted to both sexes, and circumstantially, based on your environment and past experiences, you are led to being attracted to various visual cues. Most likely, what you are attracted to will continue to change over time, so there's no point in calling yourself straight, gay, or equally bisexual. You should probably just go a head and forget the terms altogether, because it's based on the notion that sexuality is stagnant and unchanging, which was invented by hopeful heterosexual psychologists who thought that homosexuality was a psychological disorder that could not POSSIBLY affect them (being heterosexual, and all).

[KnightShade]

I agree with jbrowder24 and Ian. Labels are what gets people into more trouble. Wait and see what happens instead of trying to nail down a label. You never know where the winds of fate will take you. But you can at least enjoy the ride.

[Vikta]

indeed... ditch the labels, they're simply social constructs. Ones person's attraction to another should run deeper than physical attributes... so don't fret about fitting into a nice neat box

[sweetlad2010]

The label thing one of the things that has kept me back as I didnt want people calling me gay or what ever.

Dont worry about it, till you are happy....

[Pauly]

GAY ----------------------BI -------------------- ST8

Most of us are some place on that line some at one end some in the middle and most people anywhere along it so what you are feeling is absolutely normal so just go with the flow

[zeon]

Hello there,
You are in a place i can only explain as piggy in the middle... My understanding of bi sexuality is that nature loves playing this game on both men and women and all animals alike with regards to the middle sexuality... When I was coming to terms with my sexuality which was eventually gay i did worry alot about myself and how to conquer it but i learnt that in life your better off if your single and exploring than committing and possibbly screwing up... Take a few years to dabble and then move onwards and upwards but dont hold back or be scared to try things otherwise.... You wont know until you try something

[tommy53]

I'm feeling abit better about it all now, thank u everyone for the advice mile: