Wanna get over feelings toward my straight best friend.

[CollegeDude]

Hi, thanks for reading this kinda cliche story.*

I've been known this guy for two years (well, since my freshman year), and we have become very close friends.*
We were literally always together: going to see movies, to an aquarium, to a museum, to classes, etc. He also helped me with my student organizations even though it had nothing to do with him. First I thought he was just a real good friend of mine, but it didn't take me that long to like him as a man after knowing more about him.*Yep, a likely story.*And of course people were thinking we were dating, but let's not talk about it here lol
Last semester, I came out to him and also told him that I had had a huge crush on him for more than a year. He got pretty surprised, but handled it really well; and told me that being gay would never affect our friendship.*
I was glad to hear that, but at the same time, got really confused with my feelings toward him and couldn't help questioning myself: "do I still see him as my best friend?"
I tried to keep a certain distance from him to see if I could get over my feelings. It didn't really work since he was kinda my weakness (you know what I mean lol).*
Now summer has started and I hoped that not seeing him around would help me. It actually did help: I was a little bit busy with other stuff and rarely texted*or IM-ed him, so I didn't really think about him. But this Monday I saw him when I was going to work and suddenly it made me want to hug him so bad.*Then I realized that I still in love with him.

My brain says that I want be his good friend, but my heart says that I love him.*
Any good method to deal with this issue? He told me that he didn't mind if I liked him as a guy or as a friend, but since I know he's straight and really want to get over my crush. I feel like I cannot move on unless I get over it first.

Again, thanks for reading this long story. Any advices will be appreciated.*

[jatman]

I am in a similar situation, but I guess my case is easier because physically, he's not my type, so I'm not really romantically interested in him, I just want to fool around a bit to satisfy my curiosity. Since he said he is completely straight and has no interest in trying anything of the sort, it would be selfish of me to force the issue. Maybe you could explain the situation to your guy and have him tell you straight up it will never happen. Just see how fast your heart gets the message.

[Waylon777]

I agree with Jatman. You could go up to him and tell him that you are still in love with him. Since he's your good friend, he can help you in some way.

[OrphanPip]

Eek, I think telling someone you love them is a good way to scare them away.

Getting over feelings will come with time, you have to redirect your affections towards someone more appropriate.

[CollegeDude]

Hey guys, thanks for those advices!

Eek, I think telling someone you love them is a good way to scare them away.

Yes! Haha, I think he did freak out a little.
I decided to tell him about how I felt because I thought he had a right to know what I said or did might not come from our friendship, but rather from a secret affection.
Deep inside my heart, I might have expected him to tell me "no, I'm straight and I don't like you that way."
But he just said, "okay."

[Musiq]

CollegeDude, i know kinda what your going through, i've gone through the same thing. over a year ago, i came out to my best friend that i was bisexual, he took that really well, and that never affected our friendship. The problem is though, after a while, i started having these intense feelings for him, and i was so afraid to tell him because i didn't think he would like that really. So over spring break, i told him how i felt, and that the only reason i was ever telling him was because he had a right to know. Like your friend, he was a bit suprised by it all, but he seemed to take it well. lols, and also, me and him were together so much people also started wondering if we were going out.

BUt after explaining the whole situation to him, and how long it's been going on, he told me over the phone that he would prefer we just be friends. I still have a small bit of a crush on him, but since he's told me that, am actually glad because it's not intense like it used to be. I agree with jatman as well, your friend could possibly help you in some way or another, kinda like mine has.

[jbrowder24]

I have to agree with OrphanPip. I think trying to distance some over the summer is a good idea and keep your options open for someone who might be able to return the feelings. It's okay to still have those feelings for your friends pop up here and there, it takes time to get over someone we loved. It's also good to see he responded well when you told him before, but he might think the issue is resolved and for him to realize it's not, might make him want to withdraw from you as a friend. Hopefully you'll meet someone soon... unrequited love is definitely a foul mistress.

[musicman2229]

I'm in pretty much the same boat. When you figure out something that works, let me know. If only sexual desire would listen to reason.

[zeon]

Hello there,
Your caught in a mind over matter situation... Allow your mind to dominate ya heart and accept its only a friend and his hetrosexual so respect that as he has done with you... lf i was in your boat id tell myself its a friend i want to have as my friend not as my lover as lovers come and go and good friends stay forever

[John Fiore]

I've had crushes on straight male friends before. It always made me feel totally crazy for a while. But I can tell you it works out best if you find other activities that keep you moving in directions other than right to your man crush. In most cases, you will end up scaring your straight friend away, or at the very least, make them feel uncomfortable around you.

It's no big deal to fall for a straight guy. It happens all the time. However, I know it is up to each individual to work and plan on the kind of life and love they want in their existence here on earth. Pouring your deep affections and thoughts in a dead-end direction will likely just make it worse and keep you frozen right where you are.

Focus elsewhere – do it for yourself, because you certainly are worth it.