So for the first time in my life I feel compelled to seek a relationship with someone. It took 21 years for me to talk myself into it, but I've reached a sort of tipping point where my loneliness and desire to be happy have begun to outweigh my social anxiety and fear of rejection. I'm not clear as to whether or not I'm 100% ready yet, but that is definitely where I am heading, and it has occurred to me that I am more or less illiterate with regard to the dating world/scene. So far the progression I have observed is:
Guy 1 meets Guy 2 at a party. They chat for a lengthy amount of time. Three days pass until I see them again, and when I do they both seem to have become inexplicably attached at the face.
Obviously some series of events must have transpired in those three days to get to this point. Is there a sort of fledgling relationship timeline that someone could spell out for me? I feel like I'm trying to hike from LA to New York using nothing but gut instinct. I know what LA looks like, I know what New York looks like, but there is a large amount of space in between them that I am not confident navigating without instruments. Can anyone break down for me the progression from "Hi I'm so-and-so" to "you are my muse, my flame", so I don't misread something along the way? Thanks very much.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
LOL! Don't let Hollywood write the script of your life. Live your life and let the pieces fall into place like a jigsaw puzzle. You can help the process along but don't think it will work exactly like some movies that you've seen. Hollywood can break your heart if you trying to live your life like a movie. Most people's lives are not that glamorous.
•
 Are serious? I live in England (and France sometimes), but I'm guessing you could get from New York to Los Angeles via Mexico, or Canada or some points in between ...
My route into a relationship is unlikely to have been the same as yours will be. Best get out there and meet some people and enjoy being with a few of them.
Good luck!
•
I think an important point to realize is that not all gay guys are looking for relationships. Some guys you meet at a bar or club or wherever will gladly share their life story with you and may make you feel really special (happened to me), then you find out all he wanted was sex. So if you are really searching for a relationship, it's important you make this known. Some guys may be looking for just sex, but if you let him know you may be interested in more, he may be as well.
If possible, make friends with one or two gay people. If you don't know any gay people, find some. Just be friends. That's it. Then, when you're ready to try to find a guy for yourself, you have them to help you out. Another important note though, is that some gay guys take "wanting to be a friend" as wanting a hookup. The overall theme here is to make sure you are crystal clear with your intentions in relationships you form with other gay men (or anyone, really).
You can always google "dating advice for gay men" or "how to meet new people" or something like that. Take time to consider each bit of advice offered and use what makes the most sense to you.
•
Thanks for the responses. Dating is just not something I'm at all comfortable with yet. It seems that almost everyone else around me is completely comfortable with opening up to people they are interested in, and somewhere along the way I missed a class or something. I tend to shut down in large social gatherings, contributing to group conversations only if I am certain I have a piece of completely relevant information. I'm so radically uncomfortable in these large group social situations that I get depressed when I think about all of the social progress I will have to make to be comfortable enough with someone to even get on the topic of starting a relationship. That was sort of why I was hoping there might be the dating equivalent of a Microsoft Word template, where if I follow this specific format I can't possibly screw anything up. People have told me before and will tell me again that it's important to make mistakes because that's how I learn. I argue that I could just as effectively learn from other people's mistakes and avoid making them myself. Any military tactician will tell you that invading and occupying Russia is a bad idea, not because they specifically tried it themselves, but because every historic attempt to invade and occupy Russia has failed catastrophically. The more I can learn from the experience of others before I attempt some dating and relationships myself, the better of I assume I will be.
•
Timelines vary and some younger maybe rush into things, but even older the timelines can just depend. A lot of what you see is probably an instant attraction but if you're serious it's good to find out that you have some core values in common. Not that you want to interrogate someone right away either, but as you get to know people, figure out if you share similar thoughts on monogamy, politics, religion, anything that might be of importance to you (and if those issues aren't, then whatever issues are).
One of mine that developed the fastest - though unfortunately was mainly long distance and ended up not working out - there was a lot of common interests to start and it was easy to talk to the guy ... but what really sold it for me to start falling is we ended up having a 4-hour phone conversation. Being able to talk that long to someone? When you have that type of connection where it's so easy to talk on top of mutual attraction and all that, then it just feels right to go for it. But some guys, it might take longer to get to know, doesn't mean they're not worth it either.
Good luck however long it takes.
•
musicman2229 Wrote:... contributing to group conversations only if I am certain I have a piece of completely relevant information. ... I know that feeling. When I am at home with princealbertofb I miss lots of the conversation when we are with friends, because my French is still poor. I often catch the gist of what is being said and, in my head I construct a beautiful French sentence - except by the time I've done that the conversation has moved several subjects away from that topic :redface:
musicman2229 Wrote:... That was sort of why I was hoping there might be the dating equivalent of a Microsoft Word template, where if I follow this specific format I can't possibly screw anything up. ... You seriously asking for conversation advice from an animated paperclip? "It look like you are trying to chat up a potential boyfriend. Would you like help with that?"
musicman2229 Wrote:... Any military tactician will tell you that invading and occupying Russia is a bad idea, not because they specifically tried it themselves, but because every historic attempt to invade and occupy Russia has failed catastrophically. The more I can learn from the experience of others before I attempt some dating and relationships myself, the better of I assume I will be. If that's true it is remarkable how no one seems to have learned the same lesson regarding Afghanistan :mad:
•
Posts: 8,129
Threads: 11
Joined: Feb 2011
Reputation:
1
I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign:  Sagittarius
Mood:
Learning from the experience of others is no substitute to actually experiencing it yourself. I appreciate at the moment you are not confident in social gatherings or talking to someone you are interested in but the more experience you get in such surroundings, the easier it will become to break down the barriers that you feel are obstructing you.
Nobody is perfect, and nobody is going to expect you to be perfect either, we all have our foibles and idiosyncrasies, so no need to be so hard on yourself.
If you screw up, so what?
We all screw up at some point, life is a huge learning curve and its all water under the bridge at the end of the day.  mile:
Incidentally, Hitler and his generals studied Napoleon's failed invasion of Russia in minute detail, so as not to repeat his mistakes, yet they ultimately failed in their invasion too. 
•
All you do dont drink alcohol when you are out lol!!
•
Whenever you feel new you feel vulnerable. When you are vulnerable you look afraid. Whenever someone looks afraid someone else's heart goes out to him.
I met Tom the love of my life on 6/21/68. We were both starting work at a very large firm. I looked at Tom around 10 am that day. I still love him to this day.
Love takes ten to twenty minutes to start. If you are still debating about someone days later it ain't love.
•
|
