Am I Gay, Bi, or Straight?

[djs6949]

Hey Everyone,

So I am 21 and have had sex with girls. However, I do not enjoy sex with a girl that much. I had to make excuses as to why I was lasting forever. It was because I wasn't turned on. I do think about guys quite a bit, but I have never done anything with a guy. I am in college and a lot of friends know that I am at least questioning (most think I am bi or gay because that is what I have told them). Is the only way to find out for sure to do something with a guy? Im just really nervous about it and I don't know what to do. Am I gay, bi, straight, permanently single, or do I just not like sex? Please help!

[SlipknotRlZZ]

I would say that, yeah, probably the only way would be to try something with a guy. But don't do it just because you want to come to terms with your sexuality, just try finding someone you like, someone you feel attracted to...you know, don't do it just for the sex. Go to a gay bar or something...and yeah...explore things, now way to know till you've tried. :]

[fredv3b]

Is the only way to find out for sure to do something with a guy?

You could try some gay porn first.

[Lonely]

Totally agree with SlipknotRlZZ ...
u dont need labels now... just find someone u r attracted to... wait... and see where it goes

[jbrowder24]

Lasting forever - are you sure it's not nerves? That's a possibility too.

Still, if you've had some thoughts, good chance you're at least bi, as I believe we've chatted about. Do you have any gay friends? Though a lot of guys would want to *try* for more sooner, you could always try going on a date, kissing.... but if you're not ready for more, tell them not on the first date. There's nothing wrong with some good ol'fashion dating, just make sure your date knows it's a date and not a hook-up.

I don't think you need to necessarily do anything to find out for sure - I knew for sure before I did anything. But like you I did question and had to go through a lot in my mind, and when I did first have a date, I actually was quite nervous / not quite ready. But eventually the time came when I was ready. I think reading magazines and watching gay movies (romantic ones not porn) helped me get more comfortable with being a gay man myself.

[Ceruleaan]

Don't bother labelling yourself. Find yourself a cool guy and just have fun with it and let it progress on its own! That's the only way you'll know for sure!

[sweetlad2010]

Don't bother labelling yourself. Find yourself a cool guy and just have fun with it and let it progress on its own! That's the only way you'll know for sure!

I agree with you there mate xx

[Crs30]

My bf was in a similar situation in college. He had sex with a few girls but they never finished him off. He would try to act straight and talk about girls, he even considered marrying a woman. He would watch gay porn though, and he knew he was gay even before he had sex with anyone (I'd argue most people know their orientation before ever having sex of any kind).

It comes down to personal acceptance. You have to accept yourself as gay, and not think less of yourself for being gay. As a matter of fact, you can take pride in the fact that you have the courage to be yourself, against what society says. Being gay is nothing to be ashamed of.

Once you've come to accept yourself, then you can try something with a guy. If you haven't reached a level of self-acceptance, doing something with a guy who only wants a one night stand or a bed buddy will only bring enormous emotional torment.

[dfiant]

Once you've come to accept yourself, then you can try something with a guy. If you haven't reached a level of self-acceptance, doing something with a guy who only wants a one night stand or a bed buddy will only bring enormous emotional torment.

This perfectly said.

What I see is a young man that desperatly wants to please his family and to be able to deliver what his parents want, Grandchildren, and this is a rather normal thing to go through, and it seems to be the thing that keeps you 'experimenting' with girls, in the hope that you find THE ONE.

Experiment with boys if you can allow yourself to do that, but try and find someone your age and same experience level so you can learn together with no commitment.