09-26-2011, 03:01 AM
Hey guys, I really like this website and you're all a pretty smart group. So maybe someone can spare some advice for lil' ol' me? :redface:
Yeah, I'm 29, about to hit the three-oh mark in a month, been out for the past 5 years, and have never, ever had a boyfriend. Like, a real one. The longest I've ever gone out with someone is perhaps a month/month-and-a-half, the longest. Suffice to say, I don't know what being "in love" feels like. I wish I knew.
My primary mode for talking to guys for dates is via online dating, but I feel I've wasted a ton of time, money, and energy on those site. If you can name it, I've probably used it or have a profile on it: Match, Chemistry, Okcupid, etc. I can score a date now and again on them, but they mostly end up one-and-dones. I'm not sure why - sometimes a guy can seem really cool and awesome online but when I sit down with them, boom, no (romantic) chemistry (some guys I've met actually are really cool, just not enough to spark that certain-something).
I used to do the occasional hook-up on Adam4Adam and the like, but not so much anymore - they're fun, but I felt like the experiences weren't as good as they could have been (i.e. being with someone who loves me passionately and I him as well).
I only go to gay bars/clubs occasionally, and usually only with friends to socialize and such. It's often said that bars are generally not the best places to meet someone, and I tend to agree with that sentiment.
I do occasionally do "gay" specific, more low key activities. There's a Pride Hikers club that hikes a trail once a month that I go to when I can. They're a fun group and it's a good way to get exercise, but - I'm almost always the youngest guy there. By like at least 15-20 years. I'm not saying I wouldn't go out with someone who's a *little* bit older, say 36-37 as an upper limit. But I'd prefer someone who's in the same spot in his life as I am. I think that's reasonable.
I think part of it is my interests, as they are, tend to be more solitary. I like learning bass guitar, but I'm a nube and just mostly practicing/noodling around at home when I play. I'm working on a series of graphic novels that I'd like to one day get off the ground, so I'm constantly writing down ideas and looking for inspiration, whether from tv show on Netflix or a movie or something read online. I've thought about taking a creative writing course, maybe it'll get me a chance to meet a new circle of people or something. Not sure how many gay boys I'll meet that way. I have some other interests (Buddhism/meditation, playing puzzle games on my DS, reading, etc) but as you can see still sort of solitary.
I just don't know, guys. Everyone (and I mean *everyone*) says I should have no problems finding a boyfriend. I take care of myself, try to dress well, go to the gym, etc. I have a professional degree and a good job. I've been told I'm a relatively good looking guy with different interests and can fit into a lot of different scenes and cliques because of them. I honestly don't know what I'm doing wrong. Maybe my standards are too high, but on paper I don't think so (wanted: relatively cute guy, age 25-35, sweet but self-assured, good sense of humor, and has direction in life....that's pretty much it).
So.....what's a fellow to do? (Sorry for the verbosity of this post! Kinda spilling my guts a bit here)
Yeah, I'm 29, about to hit the three-oh mark in a month, been out for the past 5 years, and have never, ever had a boyfriend. Like, a real one. The longest I've ever gone out with someone is perhaps a month/month-and-a-half, the longest. Suffice to say, I don't know what being "in love" feels like. I wish I knew.
My primary mode for talking to guys for dates is via online dating, but I feel I've wasted a ton of time, money, and energy on those site. If you can name it, I've probably used it or have a profile on it: Match, Chemistry, Okcupid, etc. I can score a date now and again on them, but they mostly end up one-and-dones. I'm not sure why - sometimes a guy can seem really cool and awesome online but when I sit down with them, boom, no (romantic) chemistry (some guys I've met actually are really cool, just not enough to spark that certain-something).
I used to do the occasional hook-up on Adam4Adam and the like, but not so much anymore - they're fun, but I felt like the experiences weren't as good as they could have been (i.e. being with someone who loves me passionately and I him as well).
I only go to gay bars/clubs occasionally, and usually only with friends to socialize and such. It's often said that bars are generally not the best places to meet someone, and I tend to agree with that sentiment.
I do occasionally do "gay" specific, more low key activities. There's a Pride Hikers club that hikes a trail once a month that I go to when I can. They're a fun group and it's a good way to get exercise, but - I'm almost always the youngest guy there. By like at least 15-20 years. I'm not saying I wouldn't go out with someone who's a *little* bit older, say 36-37 as an upper limit. But I'd prefer someone who's in the same spot in his life as I am. I think that's reasonable.
I think part of it is my interests, as they are, tend to be more solitary. I like learning bass guitar, but I'm a nube and just mostly practicing/noodling around at home when I play. I'm working on a series of graphic novels that I'd like to one day get off the ground, so I'm constantly writing down ideas and looking for inspiration, whether from tv show on Netflix or a movie or something read online. I've thought about taking a creative writing course, maybe it'll get me a chance to meet a new circle of people or something. Not sure how many gay boys I'll meet that way. I have some other interests (Buddhism/meditation, playing puzzle games on my DS, reading, etc) but as you can see still sort of solitary.
I just don't know, guys. Everyone (and I mean *everyone*) says I should have no problems finding a boyfriend. I take care of myself, try to dress well, go to the gym, etc. I have a professional degree and a good job. I've been told I'm a relatively good looking guy with different interests and can fit into a lot of different scenes and cliques because of them. I honestly don't know what I'm doing wrong. Maybe my standards are too high, but on paper I don't think so (wanted: relatively cute guy, age 25-35, sweet but self-assured, good sense of humor, and has direction in life....that's pretty much it).
So.....what's a fellow to do? (Sorry for the verbosity of this post! Kinda spilling my guts a bit here)