Boyfriend offers something unacceptable. Please reply

[sneakyc25]

As you said in my thread, he and I could be in the same situation. If I have any advice it would be to try to visit him or get a webcam and do naughty things on a webcam with him, lol.

Hope it turns out well, good luck!

[Kyle]

As you said in my thread, he and I could be in the same situation. If I have any advice it would be to try to visit him or get a webcam and do naughty things on a webcam with him, lol.

Hope it turns out well, good luck!

To tell the truth before coming here I thought that we would do naughty things on webcam but still we had/have a very serious relationship. He's not a person who would agree to do that. The only thing we did was I asked him to show me his chest because he' hitting gym regularly and wanted to see his progress. we haven't gone further.

Now I can not offer him any kind of webcam chat because he just doesn't want to talk to me. I'm pretty lost, I don't know what should I do or what he's doing now. I wonder what future will bring when I go back.

[Kyle]

Hello,

little conversation what I want to share in the post happened two days ago. A friend of mine who is a friend of My boyfriend posted a photo on my Facebook wall and then in comments she mentioned my boyfriend and he commented also something.

Because we always used to talk n Facebook everyday and especially when we both were online I though it would be awkward not to say anything to him and ignore like I could see him so I sent him a private message just asking him how was he. and he replied and we had a usual friendly talk, he mentioned that he trains in gym much and he got some weight. (we both are still underweight.) and he asked me what I was going to do this Saturday or Sunday because he wanted to talk to me. Honestly I got afraid of that "talk" because nothing positive happened recently and I don't know what he might be willing to talk other then break up. I asked him if he wanted to talk about us and he said yes. I've to admit I'm a little believer in superstitions (I think this is a right word) and I have read and believe that Saturday is my bad luck day as well as Thursday so I always avoid any serious business on these days. Also I wanted to extend this time as much as possible so I asked him to talk on Sunday evening (Today).

I still had a glimmer of hope that he had to say something positive but yesterday I posted a video on my best friend wall.
(I recorded all my international friends here saying Happy birthday in their own native languages and in the end there are two naked guys cupping each other's penises, saying we are tall, blonde and athletic. I made this surprise for my friend because she all the time says she likes tall, blonde and athletic guys. She loved the video and it was all fun and everything but Now why I mentioned this story.)

After I post a video I sent a message to my boyfriend and said not to think that there was any reason to be jealous, even though I recorded two really handsome naked guys they were my friends and the answer about whom I care was in the same video where it's shown that I have sticked a photo of my boyfriend and my friend whose birthday was, on my wall near my bed.

He said he would see the video once he was at home and he was sure video would be as lovely a I am. (I don't know why he said that) but he said he didn't deserve any explanation from me or any gifts or the way I treat him and he said I had to stop treating him so nicely.

I haven't replied anything. That was the answer to me what he wants to talk about tonight. I hate this strategy saying "I don't deserve, I am not good enough for you, you don't have to explain me what you do." because behind these words I read, "I don't care, I don't want to explain you what I do."

No I'm about to send him a message to come to skype and talk but I'm so nervous. Should I act the way I feel or pretend that everything's fine if he asks about break up? Should I try not to cry or just let myself be how I feel? should I smile in the beginning and ask him how are things going on or just go to the main topic? I feel that things are in really bad situation between us but I just can't accept it and it's hard for me to give up on him.

These two days I have slept 5 or 6 hours in total and my eyes are so bloody because of lack of sleep and crying. I hate myself when I'm like this because I know later I'll be strong again but this time my emotions are stronger than me.

I don't want to go too deep what I feel now and what I'm thinking about. I need to talk to him and then analize everything and I'll be back with more clear mind.

Hugs

[oldster]

ok here it goes yes he is your ideal aat the moment but i question do you really lover him or just lust him if so then you wish him to be happy in his life but you want to wrap him us as your possesion look you opened him to this world and started him feeling emotions and sexual desires. this thing may have started beccause he wanted to test if you had his best intrests at hart or your own selfish intrests maby he has talked to other people and they made him think about whatyou extracted from him that he is your property and feels when he does the xxx and () thing it ties him up and maby he is thinking of you as a older guy that goes out and nolests guys and makes them your sex slave from what you say to us thats sort of the way it feels well i toke my lover out and introduced him to hetrosexual sex i took him to gals and guyss apterments and waited in the other room watching tv while he experianced threse things in an open relationsip because he had noprior sexual experance and i would feel like anuncareing orger unless he had experianced evverything be for i could feel wrigh to ask his commiitment to me
so after ten years we discussed if he felt redy to commit and he did so we were together for 34 years all together ok you have rightss to your body but whathave you done to earn the rights to his body and sole and if he slept with some one else how would thaat make himany diffrent to you except you are totaly fearful that he may meet someone else thathe might like more and then you might lose him but if you try to lead him ao rope tied with stright jacked i will almost grantue you he will want someone else because he wants someone that puts his happyness in front of theirs that would show him you must love him deeply and truely not just lust after him for now. iknow everyone tells me i am crazy

[posterpicture]

Hope you feel better Kyle [hug]!!

[Kyle]

Hello my dear GS friends,

I wanted to start this post saying "It's been more than a months since I haven't posted here" and then I looked up and my last post was two weeks ago. It really feels like it happened few months ago. I had a very bad time recently but in overall I'm OK now...

Still it brings tears to my eyes to think about this and write about this but I think it's time to give you an update from my relationship.

So in that evening when I posted here last time, I talked to my boyfriend in skype. To say very briefly we broke up and the reason was that he would never feel ok with the fact that I had partners before meeting him and he didn't. He told me one day he still would feel like going with someone else no matter if I stayed in the country or not. Now this said I will translate and post the key points of our last conversation as boyfriends and then write about how we feel now and what we do. So if anyone followed my story or is interested can read details below.

Blue color is my words, dark red is his.

- Kyle, I have changed very much recently. I'm not that caring and joyful as I used to be and what's the most important I like it this way. I'm satisfied with my decision. I thought a lot about our relationship which I don't know how to call and I want to call it something. I know I act like a son of a bitch but I could take care of our love and I couldn't find patience to wait. I know our relationship was perfect, I remember every moment and detail as positive, not only positive but very warm and very good. But I don't want it to be this way anymore as it is right now. I want you to be free of me and me to be free from you. Now my hands are shaking writing this but that's what I think. I don't know what you think.

- First of all don't be shaking, I'm already very worried that your hands are shaking all the time. (He has some health problems which causes his hands to shake slightly all the time)
I have to tell you something. Few weeks ago I registered on a gay forum. It's not a dating website or something like that. I haven't added anyone from there on Facebook. It's just a forum, you read and write. It's anonymous and I'm writing about us and what we talk. Others are writing about themselves. There are thousands of gays in the world and thousands of cases. Some told me our story reminded his (I meant Gpbi's comment). People on the forum advised me many things what I was thinking about for several days. For example to me it's painful to death to imagine that you'll have or have now sex with someone else but people on forum made me to understand that the chance is extremely little that a man to be gay and to have only one man for an entire life and not to cheat with others. There is one guy on the forum and when I read his story (I meant sneakyc25) I was surprised how similar our situations were. I told him that if you ever registered on that forum you'd comment the same. He says he has a long-distance relationship and his boyfriend is his first man and he was about to break up with him. He was confused and couldn't decide to stay with him or try it with someone else. I told him to do his best to keep the relationship but I knew I couldn't convince him because I can't convince my own boyfriend. Because neither him nor you have nothing to compare to value what we have now. .

- I understand him very well. I think first you have to get sexual experience and then think about having a boyfriend. I know you don't deserve to be lied by me. Our relationship and you were very precious for me and are now and I want to be completely honest with you. I know one thing I don't want to continue it this way. I feel the urge to be called free. I'm sorry I can't help. I'm really worried. and I know I'm a bad person to think this way.

- Do you remember in the beginning you told me you would be fine soon and it would go away.

- It didn't go away. and to be honest I had decided at that time already and had planned but I couldn't say directly because there was no background. and probably I had the hope that it would really go away.

- so you say that you got these thoughts earlier?

- Yes, but it doesn't matter now.

- to me it matters because our relationship is everything to me and I want to know everything. So what caused it, did I hurt you sometime or because of distance and loneliness?

- Probably distance and loneliness but even if not that, one day I'd get the desire of dating other guys.

- [COLOR="Blue"]so even if I didn't leave, would it be still hard for you to be faithful?
[/COLOR]
- I guess even if I waited for you after few months or years after that I'd get angry one day, thinking why I have to have only one guy. I know this is bad and I have to take care of our relationship but I can't.

- Have you ever had the feeling that being faithful to each other is something on what we based our relationship?

- [COLOR="DarkRed"]Yes, I had but now either that matters.
[/COLOR]
- It's very bad what you are telling me, very bad but I still understand you because you have nothing to compare how amazing relationship we had.

- you are a very good guy, really, in all ways and my behavior is not worth of anything but it turned out that's real me. When you were living I was 100% sure that nothing would happen to our relationship because of your departure but it didn't turn out so. I'm sorry that I am not the boyfriend you thought I were and the one you deserve.

- [COLOR="Blue"]Do you remember when we said my departure was kinda test and when I'd be back that would be answer that we'd be together forever?
[/COLOR]
- I remember. and I didn't pass that test. I'm sorry.

- you know why I felt so bad first time when you told me to take a break? Because I thought we'd never meet again, never kiss, never walk together, never go to party together, you'd never help me to find a masters program, we'd never go to hairdresser together... but recently I understood I'm loosing a boyfriend but not you. We won't have sex but I'll still hug you and talk to you.

- We'll meet but not the way we used to. Makes me crying but I can't do otherwise. Remember you'll never loose me.

- You don't know how much I love you and I don't have power to convince you what we are loosing.

- I love you too very much. You are and will be very special to me.

- maybe it's not time of this but there is saying "“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be.” (Bowyn Aerrow told me.) So if it was meant, in two moths, in a year or in ten years something might change and if it wasn't meant we don't have to worry.

- I started crying. I swear.

- Yesterday when you told me you wanted to talk to me do you think I didn't know what you wanted to say? I's been two days I haven't stopped crying.

- [COLOR="DarkRed"]Why are you so good? You don't give me the reason to make excuses.
[/COLOR]
- it would be difficult for me as well if I were you. My stomach grumbles and feels like blood explodes in my head when I think somebody will touch you but everything has to happen.

- It's not just a sexual desire, it;s more a physiological when this though doesn't leave me alone why I have to have only one man. and even if I wait I won't be the same when you come because I'll be envious and acting mean..

- and if ever, I mean ever we will be equal with our sexual experiences and we'll see everything and value what we have gained together maybe then something can work out. Now you are free.

- yeah, maybe. Just know that always and in everything rely on me and you can count on me as a best friend.

- Everyday I'm listening to "I wish nothing but the best for you too, Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said" But I'm not sure about "I will find someone like you" part. (I'm listening to this right now.)

- me too, I had these lyrics in head for last days. Please don't remember me negatively even though I act like the worst person on the earth.

- I love you too much to remember you negatively. I hope I will change your status in my life and I'll be ok to hug you as a friend.

- I hope. I don't know what I feel now towards you but I know you are very precious to me, most precious probably. I know I love you very much. You'll never know how badly I'm crying, please forgive me.

- [COLOR="Blue"]I often go to Facebook, go to our PMs, scroll up, read old messages and lost myself in time. You are precious to em too and I prefer to be friends than not to talk anymore. I know, I'm crying as well, tears just come down like crazy...
[/COLOR]
- I was very afraid that you'd get mad at me, start hating me and don't keep in touch. but I want us two to be close again.

- No, I'm not getting mad and I don't start hating you. but I'm very hurt, I didn't deserve this. I did give everything to you what I could. and I'm sorry if I ever hurt you because of my stupid character. Now I understand all our argument were silly, from this point of view I'd never argue about those things.

- You didn't deserve this, you didn't and there is nothing for you to say sorry. Probably one day something bad will happen to me in return, not probably but I'm sure and it'll be fair.

- Nothing bad will happen you, don't say silly things.

- Just remember that not being boyfriend doesn't mean I don't love you anymore...

Then we talked more for about half hour. I told him that I drew our kids and made a little cartoon what they were saying about us. I told him I was making a video about us and didn't want to stop it so he said I had to finish. I told him that I bought a birthday present for him and would give once I would be back. He said he would buy the promised mobile phone for me and asked me not to refuse. I told him to have safe sex whenever he would have one and not to do few things we used to do with sexual partners until he would find a boyfriend again.

Now we talk on Facebook sometimes. More often than before. He talks about weather, job, other people's photos and many random things. There is no tension anymore between us, like weeks ago I was choosing every single word while texting him.

I talked to his best friends and she says she can't imagine us two separately because I meant so much for him and she says he still loves me much and misses me and respects me. She says I have to stay positive and everything will be better when I go back. But I don't think about that now. recently I've been emotionally empty. I couldn't even cry.

I found peace in travelling and traveled a lot in my favorite countries. Spend a lot of money and tried to concentrate on myself. Still I don't feel like dating anyone, I am not interested in meeting other people or having sex.

In the end of the day I like how I look, I like the way i'm dressed, I like the university I study at, I like the country I live in, I like the courses I take, I like my friends, I like my mom and I like my life the way I live so I cheer myself up that everything will be alright.

In the end thanks to "posterpicture" for thinking about me.
Kyle, xx

[sneakyc25]

I feel that I know exactly what is going through his head. I have put my boyfriend at a distance for a few weeks now. I try to call but he never wants to talk about it or is busy or I don;t want to talk about it. I have explained how I feel and they other day he said that if I want to break up with him then I should just do it. I still haven't really made a decision. If you would have asked me a few days ago I would have said, "It is over." Now, I am unsure and still confused.

In short, I think I know exactly what is/was going through his head.