Well, bro, you're doing much better than me... I've always unconsciously known that I was gay, but "came out" to myself only when I was 26, and had my first gay experience when I was 26. And I'm still not out. If people were to ask me, or to find out, I will gladly tell them. But nobody has. I wish they would.
shadow Wrote:as painful an experience as it is being in your situation, and believe me I've been there, yours will always be a uniquely beautiful perspective on life for having experienced the bad times as you have ... what others take for granted will be new and fresh to you for much, much longer, and come to you it shall xx
shadow, you always put thoughts most elegantly. I'd just like to echo that I think homosexuals in general -- through their experiences of discovering their identity, dealing with coming out, and suffering societal prejudices -- can often relate more closely to tragedy and helplessness. But these experiences make us stronger.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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Thanks babe xx
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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Wow there's some well-put stuff on this thread!
And there's the whole "it'll come" thing, but doesn't that count on attractiveness?
Coz if I'm honest with myself I'm really pretty bad looking. Wouldn't this just really delay everything?
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Wilem Wrote:Wow there's some well-put stuff on this thread!
And there's the whole "it'll come" thing, but doesn't that count on attractiveness?
Coz if I'm honest with myself I'm really pretty bad looking. Wouldn't this just really delay everything?
Sure, there are people who are generally considered good-looking, cute, or 'hot'. But what I've discovered is that looks really are very, very subjective, much more so than you can imagine. Taste in looks really is like taste in music.
And besides, you're never a good judge of your own looks. You see yourself first thing when you get up in the morning, in your ugliest moments. And you've looked at this person for the last twenty years (or however old you are). Unless you're a narcissist, you ain't gonna think you're all that hot.
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Redips is right - why should it be ?
I have a challenge for you ... why not post a picture of yourself on your profile here and we'll be the judge of how you look ?
Quite often people are their own worst critics when it comes to their appearance ... added to which at your age a lot can be done to alter your appearance if you are of low self-esteem, like putting on muscle by joining a gym, etc., etc.
Post away ... if you're comfortable with that  mile:.
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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I'm 17 and still haven't had a 'gay experience', it's not really worrying me though as sex means something of very little to me. I'm pathetic when it comes to my virginity and stuff, I don't want to give it away until I find the guy I spend my life with, although I know that won't happen, I can always hope!
Besides, I don't understand why sex means so much to people... I honestly don't understand I mean fine, you get a bit of pleasure but for me anyway, I'd get much more 'pleasure' from being with the guy I love...
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Speaking solely for myself, I never get tired of working with people of low self-esteem because helping them to see what fundamentally good people they are is a gift in itself.
There is nothing pathetic about wanting to save yourself for the right man - it's an ideal most of us have striven to attain and ultimately failed to get anywhere near. I was fully intending on doing the same myself - I just thought I'd found him, and he turned out to be a SCHMUCK ... go figure ...
You will know when the time is right babe, and I genuinely wish that it is the single most beautiful moment of your life to date ... like all your birthdays and Christmasses coming at once :biggrin:.
xx
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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Ohhh, Hyde, I didn't really mean sex. I'm not fussed. I just meant anything that marked the start of a relationship. Be it whatever.
And I'm not posting a pic lmao.
Plus redips is right, its subjective, and even though I'm not that good looking, the fact I'm also fairly miserable about it makes it worse. If that makes sense.
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Well all of this makes me feel a bit like a slag.
I beat myself up about being gay for four years, and strenuously denied to all and sundry.
For reasons that would take too long to explain, I found myself at a good friend's party on the eve of my 17th birthday, and had the time of my life.
My birthday present from the group, nearly all of whom were gay and older than me, was a boyfriend. Of 25.
That night I spent with him - without having sex - was MY first gay experience. And I remember being totally shit.
I was constantly trembling. I warned him a million times that I didn't know how to kiss, and the icing on the cake...? Despite my agreement to it, when he put his hands on my crotch, I jumped so violently, he fell off me and out of bed completely.
Oh the shame.
However... The best advice has already been offered by those considerably wiser than us majority. It will come. Just enjoy the other parts of your life while you still have them, and then when you least expect it, it'll happen.
"A watched pot never boils"
Dan x x x
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Unfortunately I think, because all too often we ARE so nervous and unprepared for our first time, it does wind up being a bit less than special - mine was the same ... I got pulled by a smooth-talking player who was only up for a one-night stand, and fell for it hook, line & sinker :frown:.
But nevermind - his loss ... once I'd sussed that he was a loser (as I was looking for something more progressive than the occasional shag), I've never looked back mile:.
!?!?! Shadow !?!?!
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