Should he move?

[Kodon]

Hey guys, so one of my good friends called me last night to ask my advice on something, and I didn't quite know what to tell him. So I figured I'd post his question on here and see what you's think.

He's been seeing this guy for, I believe, 2 months or so. The guy (from what I've seen) seems really nice, and they get along well. We've al hung out a few times, and they seem like they're really into each other. IDK if they consider themselves "boyfriends" yet, since it's only been 2 months, but nevertheless...

So he called me last night to say that the guy's being transferred to Miami in a few weeks for work, and asked if he should move with him. I asked him about his job, apartment lease, money etc etc. Apparently he knew about the relocation well before he asked me about it -- he already asked his job to transfer him to Miami, put in a transfer request at school, and put an ad up to sublease his apartment. So I guess you could say he's financially ready.

With all that said though, should he still consider moving with the guy? They've not been together for very long, and haven't lived together yet. Do you's think he's taking this step in their relationship too quickly, or...? If it were ME, I MIGHT consider moving to the same city, but living on my own until the relationship developed a little more... but he and I differ on that point of view

So... should I bid him farewell? Lol

[pellaz]

you writing this i guessed your take on the thingy. yes you should bid him farewell.

toss your body across his door with success (prevent him from leaving) and for a long time all you will hear from your friend is about the lost opportunity.

unless you care form him more than you let on. if so then yes dont let hm leave.

[Kodon]

you writing this i guessed your take on the thingy. yes you should bid him farewell.

toss your body across his door with success (prevent him from leaving) and for a long time all you will hear from your friend is about the lost opportunity.

unless you care form him more than you let on. if so then yes dont let hm leave.

LOL no no, there aren't any feelings between us, he's just a good friend. I'm asking if you's think he's taking this step too quickly, that's all. Because it would suck for him if, a month after getting there, they fall apart, know what I mean?

[pellaz]

yes i agree with you. he is acting too quickly. you guys are young, maybe make a mistake or two, will you be there for him then?

[oldster]

sounds to me he is half way down the drive to the waiting taxie but asked you because he has doubts
and needs some one to blame is he dosent go and looses out on his dream life he has started already
. one possiable senerio but its his life and he knows the relationship he is in better than you so i would tell him to slow down think this over and talk things over with his freind and be very adult like and get some legal assurences so its not all on his hook but they are willing into go into this arangment togeether not just him trying to follow the dream and hopeing he can sell it to the other guy in other words some commitment from the other guy that it's what he wants too and is willing to go into it together not just
have someone conventulate ley follow hhim to the new site.
a little rambly but basicpoints all there .

[Kiid]

I think he should do it. if he has a plan incase is all turns to shit. I think it would be good for him if he went cos one way and it dose turn to shit he will hopefully have lernt a lesson. And if they stay together they could be a very happy couple.
But this is just my point of view

[Kodon]

Thanks, everyone, for the replies.
It's my opinion as well that he's moving waaaay to quickly with this guy, but then again, I'm the one who takes forever to even think about getting serious with someone. Guess you could call me "old fashioned"... haha

My biggest concern for him, is that he'll get there, (heaven forbid) something goes wrong, and he's up s**t's creek without a paddle. The ONLY person he'll know there is his bf, and if that takes a turn for the worst, then he's pretty much screwed.

I'll be hanging out with him later tonight after he gets off work, and I'll tell him to think REALLY carefully about his decision to go, and ask if he has any type of backup plan just in case something goes wrong. Hopefully he'll understand where I'm coming from, but if he doesn't then yes -- perhaps he DOES have to learn the hard way.

Thanks again guys. I'll let you's know how it goes.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You most likely have a valid reason or twelve... However if you make up this choice for your buddy no matter what you say, he will come to have a bit of angst at you.

Lets say you keep him there, then its your fault for him missing out. If you tell him to go and when the relationships ends, suddenly its your fault for forcing him to go.

if something goes wrong and he is up the creek, that is his creek and should be fully his own creek in that he makes this tough choice.

We all have to decide if we want to take risks or not. If we let others decide for us then its too easy to blame everyone else for our problems. That is the lazy man's way.

Be sportive of him, tell him you will support his choice either way.

Maybe suggest a safety net, him saving up money in case he needs to bail.

I think what he really wants is validation for his feelings, he has already applied for transfers, he is already set to go. Now he is getting cold feet, he doesn't need you to tell him what to do, he is looking to you to tell him that his feelings and choices are valid.