dont exactly know what to do here

[namc11]

ok im a gay man who fell in love with a woman we were together for 2 years and have a daughter together. dont really know how this happened (not the kid i know how that happened) but that is not my question. we are not together any longer but we still live together and sleep in the same bed. she knows i like guys and plan on getting with a guy again in the future. my question is how do i come out (again). i lived in a different state b4 and now all the people i met in the last 2 years see me as her ex. im not a fem im quite masculine and am a Marine Corps Vet. how do i go about coming out to these people who see me as a straight man and expect me to be one also? :confused:



to clarify we never got married and she knew I liked men from the start

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Why do you feel compelled to 'come out'?

Lets put it another way, when is the last time a straight person came up to you and went through the painful, stammering admittance that they are straight?

I would assume that you just noticed that they were straight, you know their dating a person of the opposite gender may have been a clue, maybe they talked about marrying a person of the opposite gender, or maybe they just pointed out that someone of the opposite gender was 'hot' and you figured out - 'oh, geez, this person is straight'.

The straights are not pressured into 'coming out', there is no reason why you should feel pressured either.

Unless there is a guy you are interested in??? If so then you need only tell him, no one else needs to be told. Surprise them, or just talk naturally about 'stuff' like commenting 'That guy is hot'... Trust me, folk will figure it out if you don't work to hide it.

And when they do say 'Are you gay?!?!?!' - just answer back, "yeah, but you knew that already".

[namc11]

you know i think your the first person to put it that way

[nullnaught]

yeah, Browyn is probably the sharpest tack currently in this box. In my humble opinion.

[namc11]

see i guess my biggest problem is that after my time in the Marines and then 2 years in a straight relationship i dont know how to be myself anymore. i had to hide it for 4 years in the Marines and just continued doing so after that. i guess coming out isnt the problem its just not hiding it that i need to worry about.

[fenris]

There are more colors than black and white.. but no rule to tell that you are the rainbow

[Bowyn Aerrow]

see i guess my biggest problem is that after my time in the Marines and then 2 years in a straight relationship i dont know how to be myself anymore. i had to hide it for 4 years in the Marines and just continued doing so after that. i guess coming out isnt the problem its just not hiding it that i need to worry about.

Worry about it? Why?

Ask yourself - Why is it important to me to come out and be 'out'?

I have to wonder if you are not trying to be something or someone you are not by having a definite 'out' date and doing definite 'gay' things in order to feel that you are 'gay'.

Do you date? Do you go to gay clubs and do 'gay things' to meet other gay men for friends, potential relationships, etc? If not, it may be time to invest some time in something 'gay' to get you a set of gay friends.

No pressure to have sex here, but do get some people in your life that will take you clubbing or take you to the gay book store (not just the head shop) and other 'gay scene' related type stuff.

Forcing yourself to 'be gay' whatever that means, isn't important. What is important is that you have exposure to the 'gay scene' to re-find your inner gay.

[BobInTampa]

So tell me if i got this right. YOu joined the Marines as a closeted gay man, lived and acted as a str8 man, met a woman, and to complete the illusion, you convinced yourself that you were in love with a woman, got married, had a baby, and now you've come to the full acceptance that you are gay - but everyone sees you has a str8 man?

WHile i empathize with your situation, it's not uncommon. I did something very similar (tho i didn't join the military) - lived as str8, dated and fucked women, met a gal, got married, had a kid, bought a house, the dog, cat, picket fence. Then, like you, the time came where i had to be honest with myself and i got divorced.

So, coming out? Guess what, you have only 3 options:
1) Stay in the closet after you divorce and meet and date men on the DL and work every day to keep your life and relationships a secret from your friends and family.
2) Move out of your town after the divorce (hopefully close enough to still be a father to your child) and start your life over as a single, gay, dad.
3) Suck it up, come out to family, friends and work through it. Based on your post, your wife seems to be pretty supportive and as long as the divorce dosen't change her attitude, having her supporting you as you come out will make things much easier.

You thoughts?

[pellaz]

So i married like 1996, about 2000 i figured out i was very gay.
lots of ups&downs but about 2004 we tried to get back, i dropped the gay thing.
we had a step daughter and she completed college about 2007.
about 2009 i met my current partner.
i divorced my wife about 2010, the settlement was advantageous.

I dont know you or your situation so:
-Your first responsibility could be to the child. That dosnt mean you have to crush your life. On the other hand dont pass on a cycle of neglect and dis information.
-I assume your lady still lives with you because of financial reasons. If you file for divorce the decree stands for your whole life. Better to see your lady through whatever dependency she and the child have. When things are on a better financial and emotional track make your exit.
-You are the thinking animal and can control your life.

Lots of gay men, especially >30years old, grew up with the stigma that a gay life style is deviant. More options for the gay community now.
-We have always been a part of society.
-Compared to the straights we are not any more promiscuous.
-Create a calm and loving house hold that nurtures the people around you and ESPECIALLY YOUR SELF as a gay man. There is no reason why you cant have a future loving husband, child and career just gently, lovingly, close up the current relationship before starting the new one.

the very best for you.

[namc11]

@ Bob I wasn't in the closet till I went to the Marines. We never got married and she knew from the beginning i liked men. I did love her (kinda still do) but she don't want to be with me any longer. the reason we split wasn't because I like men. the reason we split was because she fell out of love with me (another story completely). So i guess by definition I'm bi-sexual but after this I realized I like men a lot more than women.