02-21-2012, 10:39 PM
So, it has taken me a while to finally sit down and write this; if it’s TLDR, good, I wouldn’t have valued your opinion if you cant show me the respect of reading it all.
So, for a lot of years now I have had issues with my sexuality, and am hoping there may be some others on here that can help me figure all of this out.
My first sexual experience was about 8, with another boy, tried to give him head.
I dated a few girls in HS and such, but never anything that serious. I always had a bit of a problem connecting to them it seemed.
After many years of issues in HS, I left home, and became a stereotypical homeless teen drug addict.
When I was around 19, I used to attend a queer youth center with a friend, and made the leap into experimenting. The 2 dates that I had gone on ended horribly wrong, 1 abusive and the other a “date rape.â€Â
I left the city I was currently living in at that point and moved to another state. While there, I was dealing drugs with people that, to put it lightly, were not tolerant of homosexuals, so, any further investigation was put on hold, and I maintained only unfulfilling miserable straight relationships.
Fast forward a lot of years, and all the years of holding back my interest in men faded, and I decide to branch back out and see whats up. My straight relationships follow a very specific pattern: Everythings good, I lose interest, impotence, misery, breakup.
So now, I am trying to get back out there and figure out exactly what I want. Physically, I can find women attractive. Performance wise its hit or miss on if I really can. Men, I find attractive, not in the instantly want to jump in bed way though. But, everytime I have an encounter, things are going well, then I freak out. Inevitably, when I freak out, I get into another miserable straight relationship, doubt what I want, then the cycle repeats.
Has anyone else gone through anything like this? Like, I am on some dating sites and stuff to see if I can find a relationship, with a man, in the hopes that I will discover what I have needed all along. But, does anyone else have some issues like this when it comes to sex and coming out later in life? Or am I just a complete freak, as usual?
So, for a lot of years now I have had issues with my sexuality, and am hoping there may be some others on here that can help me figure all of this out.
My first sexual experience was about 8, with another boy, tried to give him head.
I dated a few girls in HS and such, but never anything that serious. I always had a bit of a problem connecting to them it seemed.
After many years of issues in HS, I left home, and became a stereotypical homeless teen drug addict.
When I was around 19, I used to attend a queer youth center with a friend, and made the leap into experimenting. The 2 dates that I had gone on ended horribly wrong, 1 abusive and the other a “date rape.â€Â
I left the city I was currently living in at that point and moved to another state. While there, I was dealing drugs with people that, to put it lightly, were not tolerant of homosexuals, so, any further investigation was put on hold, and I maintained only unfulfilling miserable straight relationships.
Fast forward a lot of years, and all the years of holding back my interest in men faded, and I decide to branch back out and see whats up. My straight relationships follow a very specific pattern: Everythings good, I lose interest, impotence, misery, breakup.
So now, I am trying to get back out there and figure out exactly what I want. Physically, I can find women attractive. Performance wise its hit or miss on if I really can. Men, I find attractive, not in the instantly want to jump in bed way though. But, everytime I have an encounter, things are going well, then I freak out. Inevitably, when I freak out, I get into another miserable straight relationship, doubt what I want, then the cycle repeats.
Has anyone else gone through anything like this? Like, I am on some dating sites and stuff to see if I can find a relationship, with a man, in the hopes that I will discover what I have needed all along. But, does anyone else have some issues like this when it comes to sex and coming out later in life? Or am I just a complete freak, as usual?