Sexual Differences

[wclark03]

hel;lo,
Why not talk to him about your sex drive and explain to him that men in their early 20's are at their prime on sexual tension.. Furthermore I would recommend six days out of seven you just masturbate in the bed next to him and say look this is what your intitled to and make the bed rock.. After some time your get a reaction I got which is usually

FOR FUCKS SAKE ITS NOT A WATER BED SO WHY VIBRATE IT LIKE ONE?

This is your key to say well relieve me and the bed wont vibrate... Peoples sex drive is different in everyone and some people dont have one at all.. On ave3rage how often do you get sex.... Ask your boyfriend if there is anything he would like to try to increasew his sexual drive

Lol yeah to be honest I do that and he doesnt care. I'm sure he's just happy that I'm not nagging him for sex.

[iPromise]

:/ Most likely, your differences if you tackle it together will only help your relationship get better. It sucks to be in your situation especially with you being so sexual.

I don't know if I'm at all at liberty to give you advice, lol, given that hey there's probably more to his feelings than we both know. I highly recommend seeing a psychologist if you both can, since you did mention about the shrinks earlier.

[LateBloomer]

I'm not sure if the last post made it or not but I may be repeating a post. I apologize.

It's not an asexual thing. hell masturbate to porn because to him masturbating and topping is the only way for him to reach maximum pleasure. I've even asked to come get me when he gets the urge.

I am all about making sure that he is fully pleasured. He says that he just wants it to happen. But neither of us have a normal sleep schedule. We never just get a chance to lay down together.
I told him he can top but he's afraid to understandably because I have an internal hemmaroid.

I'm all about pleasuring him. Usually when we do do it, I just jerk him off because its what je says feels best.

I honestly think it has everyhing to do with his view of sex as just a way to get off. While I feel that it is a much more meaningful almost spiritual bond between two people.

I don't know, but it sounds like there are definitely issues about intimacy.

I'm wondering if he shows you ANY OTHER FORMS of intimacy? Kissing, cuddling, touching? Those are *physical* forms of intimacy. How about psychological intimacy? Does he share ideas, dreams, opinions? Does he have a "pet name" for you?

He could have an addiction to porn which is preventing him from expressing any REAL intimacy. If so, that's not really a difference in sex drives, but a fear of being close to a real person.

As already suggested, couples counseling -- or just some good old fashioned heart to heart conversation may be in order.

Best of luck, please keep us updated.

[wclark03]

I don't know, but it sounds like there are definitely issues about intimacy.

I'm wondering if he shows you ANY OTHER FORMS of intimacy? Kissing, cuddling, touching? Those are *physical* forms of intimacy. How about psychological intimacy? Does he share ideas, dreams, opinions? Does he have a "pet name" for you?

He could have an addiction to porn which is preventing him from expressing any REAL intimacy. If so, that's not really a difference in sex drives, but a fear of being close to a real person.

As already suggested, couples counseling -- or just some good old fashioned heart to heart conversation may be in order.

Best of luck, please keep us updated.

He has admitted to being addicted to porn when he was younger. (He broke several computers downloading porn) but he doesn't really do it that often that I notice. Idk.

He seems somewhat intimate otherways. He likes kissing a lot. He just has to be in the mood to show any type of physical affection and it can't be too often. Like maybe 3 times a day at the most will he be truly intimate. He uses terms of indearment suchas hun and dear.

I told him to hang out with his friends and not to worry about me for a day or so. As of right now he is staying the night at his friends place playing video games. I'm hoping after not being stuck in the house with me all day, he will have a fresh look at me and feel a bit more enthusiastically intimate.

[wclark03]

:/ Most likely, your differences if you tackle it together will only help your relationship get better. It sucks to be in your situation especially with you being so sexual.

I don't know if I'm at all at liberty to give you advice, lol, given that hey there's probably more to his feelings than we both know. I highly recommend seeing a psychologist if you both can, since you did mention about the shrinks earlier.

Thankyou. I am nearly positive that this will strengthen our relationship.
Just the support makes me feel comforted to know I don't have to struggle through this alone.

[LateBloomer]

He has admitted to being addicted to porn when he was younger. (He broke several computers downloading porn) but he doesn't really do it that often that I notice. Idk.

He seems somewhat intimate otherways. He likes kissing a lot. He just has to be in the mood to show any type of physical affection and it can't be too often. Like maybe 3 times a day at the most will he be truly intimate. He uses terms of indearment suchas hun and dear.

I told him to hang out with his friends and not to worry about me for a day or so. As of right now he is staying the night at his friends place playing video games. I'm hoping after not being stuck in the house with me all day, he will have a fresh look at me and feel a bit more enthusiastically intimate.

You're right to give him some space.

I hope he eventually grows to satisfy your needs.

[iPromise]

Thankyou. I am nearly positive that this will strengthen our relationship.
Just the support makes me feel comforted to know I don't have to struggle through this alone.

I'm certain you both will learn a few things you didn't know about each other. ^_~ The past tends to determine how we act and do things in the present.

[wclark03]

[COLOR="Navy"]Well here is the update.
The other night I had another episode, as in my IED (intermittent explosive disorder) and depression didnt help me keep my cool. I got aggravated with him over not having sex with me and started yelling things I didnt mean to say. That is for a different topic though.
I ended up being put on Prozac, and luckily there is a side affect of lowering the sex drive.
I am really happy about that.
However, in order to get the prozac I had to admit myself to a mental care facility.
It worked out well and I got what I needed but now my bf is acting weird and concidering dumping me. Hes been concidering letting me go whenever I would spaz out over the sex.
But now that I am fixed for the most part and I took the initiative to solve the problem, I am afraid he will not get out of this funk and dump me in the end.
I just hoping things work out in the end. But if not I am trying to prepare myself for the worst. [/COLOR]


[COLOR="RoyalBlue"]PS I just posted this on my facebook status.
Is it a bit much? What do you think?[/COLOR]

Im at a loss. I did my part to change. It hurt and I should have done it a long time ago, but I did it. I cant apologize or wait for you too act like you forgive me although I know it will take time for you to trust me. You are the best thing that has happened to me in Florida. Yes I had a job and an apartment. The best part was bring able to share my life experience with the person I love. I screwed up and I know, it is why I took the initiative to fix it. But I am that happy person you knew 2 months ago. I want to prove it to you. But I cant if I am given a cold shoulder or stare. I love you so much. I can only hope for the best but I dont know what to expect and I am prepared. I just need a sign that you care that I want what we had when we first started dating. Yes this is out for everyone to see. Everyone should know that I am taking responsibility for my actions. And I want you to know that I am the person you fell in love with. I love you.

[pellaz]

he will masturbate to porn because to him masturbating and topping is the only way for him to reach maximum pleasure. I've even asked to come get me when he gets the urge.

-Go the other way; you said he is not careful how he downloads the stuff so buy a small junk computer and let him download all he wants. Be with him while he does this.

... I told him he can top but he's afraid to understandably because I have an internal hemorrhoid ...

I assume the internal hemorrhoid is where he can get to it during sex, your doctor knows your gay. Find a medical office recommended by the local LGBT organization and look at getting it fixed? In that it might be able to be done with out a big fuss. I know medical care in the US is inconsistent and or expensive? Think of this as something you need to do for your self not your partner, a more pro active treatment.

... Neither of us have a normal sleep schedule. We never just get a chance to lay down together ... I honestly think it has everyhing to do with his view of sex as just a way to get off. While I feel that it is a much more meaningful almost spiritual bond between two people.

I bet both of you are dead exhausted after work. You will not have that spiritual bond you need if your not in good shape, pass out asleep in 3min after lying down.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

With your latest installment I think the problem may lie a lot with him.

Not totally - when relationships hit the rocks both parties are involved and helped to steer the ship of relationship onto those rocks.

Reading through this thread and your posts you revealed a lot of things that tells me that he has his own issues, some of them maybe very serious. The problem is he most likely is unable or unwilling to deal with them.

Ability and willingness are two different things. It is often difficult to tell which is which.

Now let me look at YOU.

You are not fixed. Not for the most part, not even in the smallest part. You are now 'working on that'. There is a huge difference between being 'fixed' and 'working on it'.

Prozac is not a cure, it is not a fix in and of itself. If your doctor lead you to believe that shame on them.

Prozac and other psychological medicines are supposed to be part of a treatment/therapy regiment that includes therapy - counseling. A Psychologist (therapist) is now needed by you so you can now start working on your issues and find solutions and tools that you can use in your day to day life to work through your IEDs and other crap. (Its all crap, and one day you will see it is crap - but that is ok, I'm full of crap too )

His solution is this desire or need to run away. That really isn't a fix either. While he is sticking around, I have to wonder at how well he can be a support system for you. How many more instances of 'crap' can he handle before he decides its time to jump ship?

It is possible - most likely in fact - that he is unable to be helpful, unable to support you. Not that he isn't willing, but due to his own 'crap' he is unable to.

You need to know if this is so in order to deal with and work through your own crap. I strongly suggest couples counseling to figure out where both of you are and to figure out if both of you can work through this crap (all of the crap) and hold it together.

Between a couple's counselor for both of you and a personal therapist, you can uncover if your relationship is a healthy one.

If you two have only been together for months and not years, it may be the best thing for you two to end this relationship.

Couple's counseling will reveal a lot. If you both attend and work honestly with a therapist.