Tale of gay woman forced to marry to protect 'honour'

This was taken from the BBC UK News website today, article dated 24th October 2010.

"I took off my hijab, and I threw it on the floor and my brother got really mad. It's the worst thing I could have done to offend my religion, aside from burn or tear the Koran. "My mother, she kind of stood still, and started listening, and it was very liberating that she finally wanted to hear what I had to say. "I told her about my sexuality and I said 'that's right, I do meet girls, and I love it' and I told her that she had been hurting me really badly, and I will never forgive her."

Now 20, Reviva - not her real name - recounts the day she finally came out to her family, her pupils flash and the flat, matter-of-fact delivery of her story-telling becomes briefly animated.

This, you realise, is the pivotal moment in a disturbing journey of self-discovery which encompasses family estrangement, exorcism, and attempted suicide. Like hundreds of young men and women in Britain, Reviva was forced into marriage in spite of her sexual orientation, and still carries deep psychological scars from years of torment at the hands of her parents.

As she admits, "I'm unable to show emotion, I'm unable to trust people. The only person I really trust is myself. I am unable to be vulnerable with a person, I'm unable to feel a lot of things." Born in the Middle East, but schooled in Britain, Reviva's difficulties began in adolescence when she became aware of being attracted to girls rather than boys.

"The first kiss I had, I was around 12," she recalls. "It was always kisses in the playground, and kisses in the gym. With girls it was always perfect. It was always nice. It wasn't something I was ashamed of. It was beautiful."

Aware that her parents had deep religious and cultural objections to homosexuality, Reviva gently tried to make them aware of her situation, but was quickly rebuffed. "I tried to introduce it to them, because I knew it was a thing you don't talk about. It's forbidden. But once you mention 'homosexual' the discussion is over. You can't go into detail about it." Far from accepting the situation, Reviva's parents set up weekly meetings with eligible bachelors - and reacted with violence when their teenage daughter refused to play along.

"The worst thing they tried was burning my hand on the stove. Anything they could grab, they'd hit you until you'd sort of pass out. "They always tried to hit me where it couldn't be seen, to hide the scars. Because don't forget I was meant to get married, so I was meant to have skin that isn't damaged."

Reviva says she attempted suicide several times, knowing that she could never satisfy her parents, for whom she reserves an unmistakable venom. While she understands the roots of their traditional views, her simmering anger betrays the belief that when all is said and done, her home should have been a refuge - not a place of emotional torture.

In a desperate attempt to force the situation, her father even signed her away in an Islamic marriage to a man in another country, who she had never met. Reviva, who was still at school, used her impending exams as a delaying tactic to ensure the relationship was never consummated and it was ultimately annulled.

They put you in a room on your own, I don't get any food, or any water, and I have to just sit there and wait to die or kill myself.”
Far from ending, her ordeal intensified. The troubled teenager was taken to her grandmother's house in the Middle East where, as she recalls with a chilling lack of emotion, her parents tried persuading her to take her own life. "I was damaging the family honour. I was making the family looking like a modernised, westernised, filthy family. So what they wanted to do is get rid of what is damaging the honour. To aid the process, a gun, a knife, and pills were left in the room, along with a can of petrol and a box of matches. In her view, Reviva says it would have amounted to murder, not suicide, should she have decided to kill herself.
"But I wasn't in a situation where I felt I have to end my life. Even if I was, I wouldn't have done it the way they wanted me to do it." Her refusal to give in led to further action from her family, as they sought to "cure" her of her homosexuality.
"They tried a few exorcisms" she deadpans, as if having evil spirits cast out was nothing more extreme than a routine dental check up. "It isn't like The Omen, it isn't as dramatic. You lay on a prayer mat, and somebody who is very religious, will read several verses from the Koran.

"It's very frightening because everyone is scared of being possessed by something, and then you think 'maybe I am?' because I have desires and thoughts that my parents think are wrong." After this morale-sapping ordeal, Reviva briefly tried to come to an accommodation with her parents' views and dutifully studied the Koran. Reviva's family then returned to England but not long after she found one-way plane tickets for her and her father and she realised he was trying to marry her once more - again, to a man she had never met.

She contacted the Albert Kennedy Trust - a charity which helps vulnerable LGBT teenagers seek refuge. The trust has considerable experience helping LGBT victims of forced marriage and offers advice through its website, 'LGBT Forced Marriage'. The Albert Kennedy Trust contacted the police and put them in touch with Reviva. Fearing for her safety, they gave her 15 minutes to gather her belongings and flee the family home. Even then, there was a final dramatic twist as the young woman was taken hostage by her mother and brother, leaving the police to force their way in.

"They had to break the door and come in, because nobody was opening the door for them. And they went in, and my mother and my brother cornered me in the kitchen. "My brother broke a glass to make sure I didn't leave the house alive. And they had to wrestle my mother and my brother, and… I was gone."

And so Reviva is free - or at least as free as anyone with her history can be. Already many of the physical signs of her torment have started to heal, but mentally it will take much longer. "The worst thing is the emotional side of it - knowing your parents think you're not worth anything.

"Scars always fade but knowing your parents hate you? That doesn't change."



A rising trend

The government's Forced Marriage Unit (FMU) has received hundreds of calls from young gay men and women - mainly men - who fear they are going to be forced into marriage by their family, against their will.

This year, the FMU has dealt with 29 confirmed cases of forced marriage involving gay men and women. Last year, the unit offered support and advice to nearly 1,700 cases in total.

Just how many of those involved lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender (LGBT) victims is unknown, because not everyone is willing to divulge their sexuality. However, it is thought this emerging trend is just the tip of the iceberg, as more gay men and women seek assistance.

If you or a friend are at risk of being forced into marriage call the Forced Marriage Unit on 020 7008 0151 - or 0044 20 7008 0151 if you are overseas. All calls will be treated in strict confidence.

The R rated red band trailer

I have to hope that Mirojlub Petrovic, is in a very small minority in Serbia.

He is not a doctor, but has a bachelor's of science certificate from an American centre calling itself the International Institute of Original Medicine, which offers students the chance to become a "Certified Medical Missionary in Original Medicine."

He claims that homosexuality is a disease (oh, here we go again!) and the cure is to eliminate junk food, "drink a lot of water," "reject anything that is diarrhetic, alcohol, caffeine," engage in "physical activity," "rest [at] appropriate times." Plus, one "must think about good things." ... and receive regular enemas which I can only imagine he would be delighted to administer personally!

Petrovic, in his missionary role, says he isn't just curing gays of an affliction; he's saving them from a possible death sentence. Though he acknowledges that "you cannot execute homosexuals" at this point, he supports a system that would ultimately give gays a choice: change your behaviour or face the death penalty. He also would like to see a theocratic government established in Serbia where people are punished if they flout the natural laws of the "creator".

If you can spare twenty minutes or so for a good laugh the interview is fascinating, just as much for the professionalism of the interviewer, Jamie Kirchick, who keeps an even tone of voice throughout. I really want to believe that Petrovic is an isolated loon. Surely there aren't others who will be taken in by his claptrap ... are there? :frown:

As we make progress towards equality in many parts of the world this is what we are still up against. But then you knew that already, didn't you?

Curing 'Homosexualism' In Belgrade - Radio Free Europe / Radio Liberty © 2010

You will all have heard about the so-called "homosexual agenda". The fundies and 'phobes took this idea from a book called "After the Ball" which I am pretty sure we have discussed before on here ... if it survived the move to the new server recently.

Now we can see the truth of the heterosexual agenda in this dramatic exposé

The Heterosexual Agenda: Exposing The Myths

We need to work together, because these heterosexualists will stop at nothing to change dramatically and irrevocably the world as we know it!

This is classic. Some people will stoop very low indeed to get the "evidence" for their pet theories - specially when it comes to us :mad:

Quote:There’s a study out that’s causing quite a stir. It’s by Walter R. Schumm, a professor Kansas State University whose paper has appeared in latest issue of the Journal of Biosocial Science. (JBS was formerly The Eugenics Review from 1909 to 1968, at which time the Eugenics Society changed its journal’s name.) Schumm’s paper, titled “Children of homosexuals more apt to be homosexuals: A reply to Morrison and to Cameron based on an examination of multiple sources of data,” essentially picks up where a very similar 2006 paper by Paul Cameron left off, which claimed that 33% to 47% of children of gay parents wound up being gay. Schumm’s paper claims that children of gay parents were 1.7 to 12.1 times as likely to become gay as children of straight parents, “depending on the mix of child and parent genders.” The implication behind Schumm’s paper, as it was with Cameron’s, is that gay parenting can somehow influence a child’s sexuality, with the implication that homosexuality itself is not biological but determined according to how a child is raised.

The NPH aka Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka became daddies this Wednesday, they made the announcement of the birth of their twins via twitter.

All I can say is good luck boys, cause twins good lord. That’s like twice the crying an twice the puking and twice the loss of sleep.

http://www.afterelton.com/people/2010/10...rtka-twins

http://wral.com/news/local/story/8450755/

[url]wral.com/news/local/story/8454939/[url]

It's not reading crap like this every day that pisses me off or makes me angry. Its the comments from the people I live around. The people i work with, my neighbors, my landlord. When I read crap like this day after day I start to feel numb like n one is ever going to truly accept. Recently my wife had mentioned these articles on her face book and her cousin (mothers-sisters-daughter) made a huge flaming rage post, that she promptly deleted it afterwards, saying (and i quote) "...This is America Get used to it..."

No I'm sorry you heterosexual homophobic pricks , This is America YOU Get used to it.

I life with this everyday. I get told to "go to hell", I get yelled at, called slurs, and I've even ha things thrown at me. I work at a cashier in a Department store, and my manager will do nothing because his corporate does not support gays. None of the stores around me do. I'm lucky to keep the job I do have. Why must the land of the free be like this? I'm still confused as to why I can't be accepted, or why I cannot marry the woman of my dreams.

I have seen no progress at all in my area as far as acceptance and rights like I have seen in other places. In fact people get away with hate crimes here. Could someone Please share some happier stories with me? I honestly can't see the light at the end of the tunnel any more.

I've just been reading about what could be one of the most dramatic attempts at political rebranding. She opposes marriage equality, yet says that

Quote:“Everybody wants a gay neighbor". Of conservatives, she added enthusiastically, “We’ve always liked gays!”

Now, here is some really chilling news that connects with something I mentioned earlier on in another thread. While we celebrate the freedoms that we enjoy in the UK this report from the Toronto Sun points out that far from being an outstanding example of tolerance and the success of multi-cultural liberalism in Europe Amsterdam has seen an increase in the number gay-hate crimes. The report equates these with the sudden increase in the numbers of Turks and North Africans bringing with them religious and cultural ideas that seem to give them license to undermine everything the Dutch have worked for over the years. The report claims that sharia law is ruling the streets.

Quote:If you doubt it, then you haven’t been paying attention. Actually, that’s not fair. Gay-bashing is front-page news only when it’s committed by a straight, white male.

The media is terribly uncomfortable writing about gay-bashing by minorities. It’s the same reason why Canadian feminists are so eerily quiet about honour killings of Muslim girls.

According to an “offender study” by the University of Amsterdam, there were 201 reports of anti-gay violence in that city in 2007 — and researchers believe for every reported case there are as many as 25 unreported ones. Two thirds of the predators are Muslim youths.

The violence couldn’t be more brazen. It’s not in the back alleys in the dark, it’s in the heart of the city, often in broad daylight. It’s a direct dare to the Dutch government to show who rules the streets.

In 2008, 10 Muslim youths broke into a fashion show, dragged gay model Michael du Pree off the stage and beat him bloody. Last month, several lesbians were hit by beer bottles thrown at their heads as they marched in a parade of thousands to protest violence against gays. There’s a gay community centre in Amsterdam — you’d think that would be safe. Wrong. It’s a target, with home-invasion style beatings. No one is immune. Last year Hugo Braakhuis, the founder of Amdsterdam’s gay pride parade, was attacked.

In 2005, Chris Crain, former editor of America’s leading gay magazine, Washington Blade, was swarmed by seven Moroccan youths. “I was really surprised,” Crain told reporters at the time. “I felt comfortable because it is San Francisco times 10.” Or it used to be.

Quote:In March 2010, Pakistan again brought forward a resolution entitled "Combating defamation of religions" on behalf of the OIC.[2]

The resolution received much criticism. French ambassador Jean-Baptiste Mattei, speaking on behalf of the European Union, argued that the "concept of defamation should not fall under the remit of human rights because it conflicted with the right to freedom of expression."[2] Eileen Donahoe, the US ambassador, also rejected the resolution. She said, "We cannot agree that prohibiting speech is the way to promote tolerance, because we continue to see the 'defamation of religions' concept used to justify censorship, criminalisation, and in some cases violent assaults and deaths of political, racial, and religious minorities around the world."[2]

The UNHRC passed the resolution on 25 March 2010 with 20 members voting in favour; 17 members voting against; 8 abstaining; and 2 absent.[44]

10 October 2010.

Scores arrested in Belgrade, Serbia after anti-gay riot.

Anti-gay protesters have fought running battles with police in an effort to disrupt a Gay Pride march in Belgrade - the first in the city since 2001. Reports told of gangs of skinheads roaming the streets, throwing petrol bombs and setting off firecrackers as police battled to hold them back. The AFP news agency reported them as saying. "Death to homosexuals."

Democratic Party spokesperson Jelana Trivan said the violence had nothing to do with moral values.
"These are hooligan gangs which must be punished severely," Ms Trivan said.
The mayor of Belgrade, Dragan Djilas, said the rioters had used Gay Pride as an excuse for a brawl.

A gay pride march planned last year was cancelled amid fears of violence.
On Saturday, several thousand people had protested against the march. Right-wing groups say that homosexuality is contrary to Serbian religious and family values. The Serbian Orthodox Church condemned the parade on Friday but also warned against violence against participants.

Another example of using hate, spread by the right wing conservatives and the church again.