@"baristajedi" Hard to say but probably not the best idea to speculate as to what changed. Right now, you probably need a distraction. Have you watched Tiger King?

Seriously though, definitely need something to get your mind on something else besides her. There are some parallels to the mess I made for myself. Sometimes the long game is the right one and sometimes you got to put a sock in it...or my case unplug the keyboard.

(05-18-2020, 08:56 PM)InbetweenDreams Wrote: @"baristajedi" Hard to say but probably not the best idea to speculate as to what changed. Right now, you probably need a distraction. Have you watched Tiger King?

Seriously though, definitely need something to get your mind on something else besides her. There are some parallels to the mess I made for myself. Sometimes the long game is the right one and sometimes you got to put a sock in it...or my case unplug the keyboard.

yeah you’re probably right... it doesn’t help to think about what happened. 

I suppose I’ve passed the point of when I should have put a sock in it? ? she’s definitely decided not to be in contact with me, it really feels shitty. Maybe she will contact me later but it doresnt seem likely at this point.

Well in hindsight, in my case putting a sock in it would have done me a lot of good. Do I think if I had done things differently that things would have worked out? Probably not. It is very difficult to find someone that can weather the storm. Everyone like fair weather.

That being said, don't feel as if you'll never meet someone again, you will. I'm saying this while also feeling like I'll never meet anyone again...so I know how convincing I probably sound.

Yes, it is painful for a little bit but everything will be ok.

If she messages you again, go for it, just keep a level head. Be careful not to put her on a pedestal.

Update: I got a message from her. Well actually, there’s more to it than that.

So, I kept rereading what I wrote and in the middle of the night (yeah I know I was up in the middle of the damn night thinking about this), I read it again and it struck me - the message seemed like it could be read as me saying something very different, possibly like that I’m not bothered if we see each other again. So I wrote her a message saying, listen I wasn’t going to write but I just realised my message may have been totally confusing and I explained a little. She wrote back and said she understood and would be happy to get together and talk.

My sense is that we aren’t going to be like having any sort of romantic ending to that talk (based on the tone off her message) but at least we can resolve things. So it’s not a particularly happy ending, but it’s an ending, lol.

I’ll probably try to get together with her tomorrow. I’ll update more...

Oh yeah text messages can come off totally different. Kind of stinks that phone calls are often off limits with people.

Well, hopefully things go well, perhaps all isn't lost?

(05-19-2020, 10:55 AM)InbetweenDreams Wrote: Oh yeah text messages can come off totally different. Kind of stinks that phone calls are often off limits with people.

Well, hopefully things go well, perhaps all isn't lost?

I hope so too, I think I need to explain to her that I was feeling pretty low on Saturday (not related to her) and that can explain it playing on my mind so much and needing to check in. I hope she’s open to continue seeing each other... all I can do is ask.... :/

Bloody brain chemicals! They can be a total nightmare. I remember an almost out-of-body experience watching myself behaving like a total pratt with someone who turned my world upside down and feeling completely helpless to do anything about changing my behaviour. In my view he lapped up the attention and encouraged it. The morning after the night before, though, he completely turned off the tap and it was devastating. It took me the best part of a couple of years to get over that, but then I was always a slow learner.

May I wish you the courage and strength to get through whatever is in your immediate future. Whether it feels good or bad at the time it will make you a richer person.

(05-19-2020, 12:05 PM)marshlander Wrote: Bloody brain chemicals! They can be a total nightmare. I remember an almost out-of-body experience watching myself behaving like a total pratt with someone who turned my world upside down and feeling completely helpless to do anything about changing my behaviour. In my view he lapped up the attention and encouraged it. The morning after the night before, though, he completely turned off the tap and it was devastating. It took me the best part of a couple of years to get over that, but then I was always a slow learner.

May I wish you the courage and strength to get through whatever is in your immediate future. Whether it feels good or bad at the time it will make you a richer person.

Yeah this is how I'm feeling too, just totally stupid for my emotional behaviour... thanks, I know I guess this is a learning/growing experience, but at the moment that is annoying me, because I want it to be more than that, lol. Ah well, live and learn... Ugh. ha I am struggling to feel good about all of this 

Another update, lol:

So she only has about an hour to meet tomorrow, and she's asking me to come to her side of town. I decided that I have more dignity than to make a trek there for an hour to get my heartbroken, so I told her honestly that I'm happy to see her, but only if I also know we will be likely to hang out on other occasions too for longer times. I said no hard feelings if that's not what you're up for.

I suppose that she's telling me in her actions that i'm not a priority and that says everything. If she wants to see me and likes me too, she can show me that now.

Does she normally come to your side of town? Or have you two for the most part been back and forth?

Might be reading into thing too much. I used to drive for two hours, about 108 miles to see my partner all while he seldom if ever came up to my neck of the woods. Was it fair? No, not really, but I did it anyway because I know there's not much to do up here unless it is the lake and other outdoorsy things.