He refuses being bottom, but he says he likes only top guys....

[Chris86]

But is he a passive (aka Submissive) personality type? If so it could be the huge social pressures and stereotypes that he is struggling with.
I suspect he is attracted to masculine (dominant) sort of men not because of he wants a dick up the arse, but because he is a passive (submissive) sort of fellow who needs a strong (dominant) bottom to be fully satisfied.
I think the confusion here is the use of passive for bottom. Passive and Bottom are two different things in reality. Bottom means the receptive role in anal sex.

I have never thought about this..... maybe this is because when he plays the top role... he likes to be dominant and active..... he has never showed the need for a dominant male when he plays top

He may be a 'beta male' personality, in need of a stronger (not physically perhaps, but more assertive) Alpha male. Nothing screams alpha male than an older, muscle bond total top.

Age also screams 'dominant'. Daddy/Son relationships often have the older person being a mentor, a leader, a 'father-figure' all of which is the role of the Alpha Male in the relationship.

I would think that this 'bottom' issue is not so much that he wants to be receptive in anal sex, he wants the other stuff that we envision that the bottom gets, such as being the little spoon whilst spooning, being the protected one, etc. He is most likely conflicted by his emotional needs and sexual realities.

What he most likely needs is a dominant butch bottom. They exist, but are sorta hard to find because they don't swish, lisp and hang with the usual crowd because they are all but shunned by the community for not falling into goosestep with the roles we force on our members.

so what I have to do? I am not 40 years xxl old muscle bond total top..... I am afraid I am not able to excite him.... not like I should..... not like he would.... he assures me that he likes our sex...... but in this way I never play top (and this is what I like) and with me he never plays out what he likes to "do" when he chat behind the monitor. I should give up and let him look for someoneelse? or should I be more dominant in my bottom role?