I need help! Very drunk straight man.

[Dider]

I'm sorry if I posted this in the wrong thread but I'm desperate for help.

I'm a 21 yr/o straight man that got very drunk and recieved oral from a gay man.

I'll tell you the story from the beginning. My mate came back from army camp, and he phoned a bunch of us to come out clubbing. We proceeded to get very, VERY drunk that night, it was about 1am in the morning that I decided to shoot off home. I was going to get a taxi but I realised that I had no money. A man nearby noticed this, (he was extremely camp) and he came over to me and said he'll give me some money for the taxi but I'll have to come with him for a pint first. I was really drunk and it was raining terribly that night so I reluctanctly agreed. We had our pint in a nearby pub, people around us were giving us dodgy looks. That last pint really knocked me over the edge, he took me to a taxi rank and we both went into the taxi. I just thought he wanted to go home too so I didn't say anything. We didn't speak in the taxi for the whole ride.

Soon we arrived at a part of town that I didn't recognise, he took me into his house and put me down on the sofa. From this point my memory becomes muddy, but I definately do remember him giving me oral. Then we both fell asleep. I woke up at 6:30am to find him masturbating over me. Looking back at this I feel really disturbed and violated. (I'm really cringing as I type this). I just pushed him off me and he looked a bit confused at this. I got off the bed and put my clothes on, I told him I was going to the toilet. He just looked at me and handed me 20 pounds. I was seriously confused at this point I was thinking "What the fuck is going on?! This can't be happening." I just ran out of the house. I did a fast walk towards the nearest bus stop to get back home. I had tears in my eyes on the ride home but I covered them so the other passengers didn't see.

Since then he kept calling me and texting me telling me he wants to take me shopping. I repeatably told him "no, I don't want to see you again" but he just kept texting me. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He told me he'll give me 40 pounds if I come to his house a couple of days later. I went mad at him over the phone telling him not to contact me anymore EVER!! He just replied back with "Hmmm" and I haven't heard from him since.

This was only 4-5 days ago and I haven't slept properly since. (I only had maybe 6 hours sleep in 4 days) I feel so violated and disgusted. I never took any interest in gay men, ever.

Please, what can I do to help myself stop feeling like this. I'm too ashamed to talk to anyone else about this. I've never felt so alone and isolated. I'm extremely terrified of the people in my town finding out about this. (It's a small town, news gets around very fast. And it's extremely stereotypical.) I cried twice since it happened and I never cry. Please help me.

I've got nothing against gay/lesbians/transexuals at all. My cousin is gay. Please don't think I'm trolling you.

[zeon]

Hello,
I am deeply sorry to break the news but the fact his gone to get you drunk and your memory goes blur It wouldf indicate to me you have been potentially date raped or raped and it is a disgusting and degrading thing... If you didnt ask for it and he pushed it on you without your consent that is rape... I dont beleive your trolling and feel that your possibly needing some support and help so please feel free to keep posting here mister...
Dont be frightened to cry because emotion is what helps us cope in life and helps us get by from bad time to bad time... Next time he calls or texts you tell him to either go away or your contacting the local police force and filing a complaint of rape... I would recommend writing down what you remember about that night and you MUST disclose everything that you can remember including the oral sex because if it ment taking this guy to court then take the dirty bastard toc ourt... How dare he just think because his gay he can have a guy who isnt??? Please accept me offer of confidential help and feel free to message me.. On this site we wont judge you mister regardless of sexuality and if you want to talk in confidence to me feel free... Furthermore there are two other members on here who act the same as i do being agony aunts and will shower non stop support for you... Eventually this event will close and you will be able to sleep again..

The money he is offering you is simply paying you for sex and making you out to be a rent boy... I would like to say well done for NOT accepting the 20 pounds he offered you because if you took that you could have been framed for being a rent boy when infact it isnt rent it is rape and with the help of us lot on here we will get you back to your self again :-) and restore faith in the gay community again and if he thinks he can go doing this trust me someone will return the favour as karma always gets revenge...

Big hugs

Aunty Zeon
Gayspeak Agony Aunt

[Dider]

I'm really terrified that people like my friends and family will find out that I've been with a gay guy. Living in stereotypical town like I do, people will just give me crap. Thanks for your help but how would I convince people that I'm not gay??? This is a massive fuck-up. I just really wish I could turn back time to that night where he offered to pay for my taxi, I wish I told him to fuck off.

[zeon]

You dont need to be terrified because your not gay... You are a victim in a nasty situation and it isnt a good place to be i agree... What you need to do is ignore any comments people may say keep records of this guy keep pestering you and build up a case as efvidence of time and date... Should the case go to court the court will request a copy of calls made from the phone providers and this will add as evidence...
Honestly matey dont be scared of people.. If your family find out be honest with them and lay all the cards on the table and tell them that you have seeked advice from a forum online (doesnt need to be told its a gayforum) and the resident Agony Aunt has idtentified it as being rape... When people are drunk their senses go and so do their directions... If people in general give you crap tell them what doesnt concern them they shouldnt get involved with and to kindly back off.. Dont let them break you because im sure your a nice person inside and keep that little flame inside you lit.... I think until or IF it leaks out then confront it there but if nothing is said just holdf it together and use this forum as a place to vent any fustration at the situation as no one knows you from adam on here....

Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon
Gayspeak Agony Aunt

[Dider]

Okay thank you.. It sounds weird but I've never felt this fragile before, I don't even feel like a man anymore. I'm totally alone in this situation.. I fucking hate what that dickhead has done to me!

Alright I really need to try and get some sleep, I'm sure I'll feel a lot better when I do. I'll keep you updated should any further situations happen.

[zeon]

Okay thank you.. It sounds weird but I've never felt this fragile before, I don't even feel like a man anymore. I'm totally alone in this situation.. I fucking hate what that dickhead has done to me!

Alright I really need to try and get some sleep, I'm sure I'll feel a lot better when I do. I'll keep you updated should any further situations happen.

Hello,
What you need to do is realise you are still a worthy man this creature has robbed you of innocence and it isnt funny or good... Try to sleep if possible and keep us updated... Dont be a str4anger mister because we will be supporting you until your fully recovered and these demons have gone... You are not alone and ill be honest... My ex partner was raped in a drug rape situation and if i helped him through the tearsb tandrums and the panic ill help you and thats a promise!

Kindest regards and god bless

Aunty Zeon
Gayspeak Agony Aunt

[Dider]

I just never expected to be used like that. I was completely taken advantage of and it makes me sick. I have nothing against gay people and their relationships. But I'm not attracted to it, I don't involve myself in that. I just let them get on with it, I think that's all that is expected from me.

Also can you catch diseases through oral, I nearly had a panic attack thinking about HIV/AIDS yesterday.

[zeon]

PA by the way im reading this it wasnt consentual to be honest... If his memory has gone blur it could have been a spiked drink as it happens a lot in the summer in Brighton so i always tread carefully on these topics

[zeon]

I just never expected to be used like that. I was completely taken advantage of and it makes me sick. I have nothing against gay people and their relationships. But I'm not attracted to it, I don't involve myself in that. I just let them get on with it, I think that's all that is expected from me.

Also can you catch diseases through oral, I nearly had a panic attack thinking about HIV/AIDS yesterday.

Hello,
Catching hiv through oral is virtually minimumal/non existance... Its anal pentration which increases this and in order to catcgh it through saliva you have to drink something liikee 18 pints of it... Dont panic over that topic because oral many of us have done many times and never caught anything... When i hear stories like this i kinda wish i could just wipe them away and make it all perfect in an instant... I doubt your catch anything personally i mean over the next three months just monitor yourself and keep calm on the factor if nothing shows through within three month period your all clear and ok ... If anything was caught it can be treated with antibotics from the clinic and dont worry about getting tested... If you have the pair of underwear from the night it happenned keep hold of them and place into a bag and seal or wrap up tightly to preserve for forensic evidence if required to link DNA to help proove it was him...

Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon
Gayspeak Agony Aunt

[princealbertofb]

Sorry Dider, I had originally not read the whole message and didn't realise what you'd been through...
This is part of what I'd originally written, because it still stands true.


You shouldn't feel that you've done anything wrong. If anything, he's wronged you by taking advantage of your drunkenness. That was akin to date rape, as Zeon said.

May I suggest you talk to your gay cousin about this? Is he the sort of cousin who is wise enough, and old enough and close enough to talk to? He may have something to say to help you. If anything he might give you support. He'll understand the necessity to keep this as quiet as possible.

It sounds as if you could put this man's phone calls on delete, probably. How come he's got your number? Otherwise, as Zeon says, keep a record of everything that he's sending you, as it will be evidence of his stalking you.

I'd also suggest that next time he calls or texts you, you tell him you're going to denounce him for what he's done. Call it "rape", which it was, that'll surely frighten him. Unfortunately you've got nothing to substantiate the fact that you didn't really consent, if you were out.

This man has obviously misconstrued you for what you aren't and has taken advantage of your situation and taken your acceptance to ride with him and to go to his house as consent. It wasn't, unless you'd been in your right mind, and you'd been able to make good judgement.

For one thing, chin up. You've done nothing wrong. Neither of you have really been hurt, which is at least one blessing, but your psyche has taken a nasty battering.

My other advice would be to ask someone like a lawyer, if you know one (there is probably an office which gives legal advice in your town) if there's anything you can do. It won't take away the shame, but it may ease your conscience to know a few things that might protect you from further pestering.

I'm afraid this is going to bring you back to the reality that getting thoroughly drunk is no longer an option for you.

Take care, and do get some sleep.
Kind thoughts.
PA