advise

[JedLover]

Ok so i met this guy through a music act we both like. we have only met in real life twice but we got on so well with each other we were able to come out to each other. He lives in another country so we dont see each other all the time but we started to text each other; but now we call each other every night and speak for hours and when we dont speak we are always texting. I now have a major crush on him and spend all my day thinking about him. He is comming to see the music act we met each other through real soon and we will be together for an enitre week. Should I tell him how I feel or should we just stay friends. I dont want to ruin the friendship as he is the first and only friend I can talk to about my sexuality with, as I have not been able to come out to my friends. Any advise would be welcome.

[pellaz]

is your friend bi or gay?
the general approach is to be friends and you two will come out organically. The lgbt population is small so its assuming the person you crush on is gay so value him as a friend first.

it would be a-typical for you to come out first to your new friend.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Should I tell him how I feel or should we just stay friends. I dont want to ruin the friendship as he is the first and only friend I can talk to about my sexuality with, as I have not been able to come out to my friends. Any advise would be welcome.

Let me rephrase that for you:

Should I be honest and truthful, demonstrating to my friend he is my friend and confidant? Or should I lie through my teeth?

Personally,I believe in honesty, I especially like brutal honesty... but that is another story.

The problem here is your emotions are going to muck up this relationship anyway. yeah sure you may think you are a good liar, able to hide your 'true feelings' from him, but it will be a constant hail of tiny inconsequential things that will mess up your conversations and time together. The more you try not to have feelings the more restrained you will be around him.

He in turn will misread it as your being a dick, or a jerk or just not a good friend.

All of this confusion can be easily side stepped by being brutally honest to him.

The worst he can do is throw you down a well and throw lotion at you saying 'It puts the lotion on its skin.' I doubt that he would, if he has any 'bad feelings' about it he most likely will merely reject you.

[pellaz]

Being honest is the only way if you want to be more than a friend:

-about the time you start dating you need to be out to your self and some what in your life. Dating is sharing your life with someone. Nice to do it as an honest man and have some sort of a life to share.
-the other rout is be his friend. Uncomplicated relationship.
-everyone is so different, if your not out till now I am thinking do it... gradually.

[Rainbowmum]

Honesty is always the best way.

[chillythoughts]

honesty dude, straight up honesty.

[ChadCoxRox]

You said you came out to each other and now you're growing your friendship. Whether you engage in sexual acts and experiment or take it to the next level should be a joint decision. I'd ask him if he's thought of you as much as you have of him and see where that ice breaker takes you. Be prepared to agree on ground rules of keeping friendship most important and the sex and love and all else can be "above and beyond" all while leaving the friendship in tact with agreed intent. It is easier to say but best kept simple and matter-of-fact. Communication is everything. Let us know how it goes!!!!!! I'm excited for you

[JedLover]

Thanks for the advise!!! my friend is gay to answer that question.
We had a great week together and it ended up with both of us making out many times on one wild drunken night. It was for both of us the first time kissing another guy and we both agree it was cool and enjoyed it. The next day was awkard at first but we both laughed about it in the end. We talked about starting out as friends and seening what happens.
When he was catching his plane home we both didnt want to say goodbye! Since he got home his texts and calls have increased and are more flirty and he is planning his return trip for christmas all ready so all feelings are good and even if nothing more happens and we just stay friends at least I made out with a hot guy!
thanks for the advise

[ChadCoxRox]

Thanks for the advise!!! my friend is gay to answer that question.
We had a great week together and it ended up with both of us making out many times on one wild drunken night. It was for both of us the first time kissing another guy and we both agree it was cool and enjoyed it. The next day was awkard at first but we both laughed about it in the end. We talked about starting out as friends and seening what happens.
When he was catching his plane home we both didnt want to say goodbye! Since he got home his texts and calls have increased and are more flirty and he is planning his return trip for christmas all ready so all feelings are good and even if nothing more happens and we just stay friends at least I made out with a hot guy!
thanks for the advise

Holy Moly!! That's awesome. Glad to hear you'll see him at Christmas. Stay in touch!

[ToddYoung]

I've only just read this thread and it's like a story with a happy ending. Hope it works out for both of you.