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Gender Confusion
I'm really confused about my gender lately. Up until now, I've identified as female, having been born one. I've always assumed I was cis. But lately I've started wearing bras that flatten my chest, and feel extremely uncomfortable without one on. I see pictures of people without breasts and feel envious. And male pronouns make me happy. But female pronouns don't bother me, and I definitely don't want bottom surgery. Not even sure if I want top surgery. Or if I should get a binder. Or if this is a phase, or what. I don't feel like a boy but I don't feel like a girl. For now I go as "butch" but I just don't know.
I know this probably makes no sense to anyone reading it. But has anyone else had to deal with gender weirdness? How did you cope? What does my description sound like to you?

Makes perfect sense to me. I believe there are more than two genders, three at least. Male, Female and Both or uni-gender.

Only you know for sure, but to me you sound like you might be a little of both and that's fine. As for surgery, or even hormone therapy, I wouldn't do either were I in your place. I'd do what I had to to be as comfortable as I could in my body, be that getting a binder, or going braless and not worrying about it, or something in between. Then, I'd get my head on straight and, maybe even find a therapist to help me decide who I really was. Once I was confident with my gender identity and knew it fit me perfectly, I'd look at all of my options as far as making physical changes to my body and, do what I knew would be the best for me.

Whatever you are, it's a natural, normal thing for a human to be, even if it's confusing you right now, it's not weird or bad or anything you shouldn't be, it's simply what you are, and that's good.

You need to check out this website & read up about him. His name is Buck Angel. I think you may have a lot in common with him.


-i might add your preferences could be fluid and change.
-nice you want to be aware of your needs in a partner so you dont disappoint. Lgbt peoples dont grow on trees (only 3-5% in the population) so compatible dates might be so few, good you live next to a larger city.

not necessary on topic (maybe it is) watch a recent UK tv show Hit&Miss

Gender identity is on a spectrum. Some people embrace both genders, some neither, some one more than the other. I personally, after being hormone therapy for over a year, changing my name to male, and taking on male pronouns, have embraced a female aspect of myself which is very complicated for me to explain because I have only recently discovered so I won't delve into detail, but just so you know, such things are possible

I would recommend doing some research of the terms under the umbrella of transgender and maybe reading a book called True Selves. You might be able to find something that you can relate to or something that gives you a starting point.

In the end, whatever you feel is you, is you. There's no wrong answer and sometimes people will go through phases until finding out who they are.

Also it might help to try things on for a while. Perhaps buy a binder and see how you feel wearing it. Or maybe you can try to take on male pronouns for a while and see how that makes you feel. You can certainly do some experimenting for a while without making any permanent changes.

We all question our sexuality , there is nothing wrong with that , it is perfectly normal, as is being confused about it.

Sweetie for now may I suggest you get a binder .
Take your time with this ,there is no rush.
Find a look that you are comfortable with,wear it for a while,see how you feel.

As the years go by , you will find yourself and your gender.

Hey.... I totally know what your feeling. I actually sat my wife down and told her the same thing. She is actually really supportive. She says what ever i want to do to in regards of how i feel, she will be right next to me. Feel free to contact me anytime. I actually been looking for someone with the same feelings about this.

Thank you all for the support <3 I'm looking into getting a binder to see how I feel and fiddling with an alternate name

I can't say I relate to gender issues. I have always enjoyed my penis and other male bits. Never a day has passed where I have had issues with my gender. However, I have taken some offense to the way I am treated for being male - the expectations and traditional gender roles are all a huge nuisance. I can't even really admit that I love to bake as much as I love to hunt... After all a man loving to bake is a sissy (woman) right?

As for you... Unknown. Is is that you are a man in a woman's body? Maybe. But maybe what it is you are androgynous.


Androgyny is not really transgender/transsexual (its often confused as such) it is more of a mix between both male and female um not just parts wise, but how one perceives themselves and what one wants to do in life.

I suspect that a lot of androgyny is due to gender rolls and the expectations that having certain bits heaps upon people. Soooooo.......

.....Maybe your whole reaction to your breasts is not because you are androgynous - but because society places different expectations and limits on people due to what does (or doesn't) hang between the legs and what does (or doesn't) stick out from the chest.

Understand that a huge chunk of the gender-identifying 'stuff' we have in our society is 'made up crap'. Meaning that thousands of years of tradition and social order (chaos really) has lead to some pretty strong and often wrong expectation for the two base genders (Male/Female).

We see a pair of tits we have a strange revulsion and fascination with them. Men (straight men usually) want to see bigger ones, but at the same time they must be kept covered. If you have tits you expected to wear make-up, high heels, sleek dresses - revealing (yet hiding) the breasts and you are supposed to be treated differently, people pull out chairs for you, open doors, expect you to stay at home chained to the stove, you are not considered really intelligent enough to actually vote, or have a say....

I think the past 100 years demonstrates that tits, erm I mean women :tongue: - can actually think and do things that men can do and in many cases do traditional male-dominated jobs better than males. (for the record, I prefer female doctors - they are often far better in doctoring than males).

But still humans are shackled to these preconceived and unnatural idea of what roles the gender is supposed to act out for life.

All of us are shackled to those preconceived mythologies tied into the genders.

I have to wonder at this time if your desire to hide your tits isn't more or less a reaction to society more than a reaction to being female. You have disclosed that getting things rearranged 'down yonder' doesn't appeal to you. You also tell us that you are fascinated by the idea of the flat chest.

Now are you really envious of the flat chest, or are you envious of how flat chested people are treated?

If by some chance you are TS/TG you will be strongly advised to seek counseling where a therapist will work on your mind and help you to discover the motivations and reasons why you feel the way you do. Well before you go in for an operation you have to get a therapist (or two) to sign off on papers that say 'Yep She's really a He mentally and emotionally'.

I suspect that you are not really TS/TG but are actually reacting to the notions of a sick species that spends way too much time thinking about body parts and how body parts are expected to behave.

Since you identify as 'gay woman' - I also have to wonder if your reaction really isn't tied into the expectations of a society that flat refused to accept more than one man one woman relationships.

As such, you may be striving to 'be a man' in order to appease that sick society by 'pretending' to conform to this myth-conception of man+woman= Right.


Go with whatever makes you feel comfortable, yeah? If having a flat chest will make you happy, go for it. You could be a trans man, or maybe you're somewhere on the spectrum...everything is fine, as long as you're comfortable with yourself. Your identity may change with time, it could sway in either direction...I think the only very important thing to do here is to look around, do some research on these things...so that maybe everything gets a bit less complicated in your head? And from then on, as long as you're happy with your body, everything's fine.

Let me know if you'd like me to point you to a few blogs with useful resources on the topic.

Ryan x

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