Confusion

[Robot]

Hello...

Can you guys provide some online free resources about bisexuality. Not Yahoo Answers or stuff like that. I need serious material about the subject. I'm so confused, I need to make a research about it before I come out which I'm planning to do it this year.
I'm so sure about my attraction to guys. But when it comes to girls, I feel an atraction not so similiar than the homosexual but it's there. I don't know how to explain, I think that maybe by getting some knowledge from the ones who know then I'll eventually know for sure what's going on with me.
I don't feel completely gay nor completely hetero but I like guys more than girls but girls are more appealing and I like them, heck I'm so confused. I've had hetero intercourse and I loved it but since I haven't tried anything with a guy I think that maybe if I do then my desire for women will disappear. I don't know. Can someone help me ? books ? magazines ? opinions ? anything for free please
Or should I have sex with a guy and that's it ?

I know it sounds silly me planning the coming out for this year like it's a new year resolution or something. But seriously I need to release, I don't want to waste more time hiding this secret. I'm ready for it but still confused.

Thanks
Sorry if my English isn't quite accurate

[James]

Hmm, havn't found any bi sites worth a hoot yet, but glbtq centers and the like maybe of help< Jim

[MisterTinkles]

I looked online for some free self help information, but all I found were books you have to buy.

You might find a local LGBT organization near you, like James suggested, and email them about some information.

[driftwood]

As soon as I read "I like guys more than girls but girls are more appealing" I said that's exactly how I feel. I have concluded that I need both. That's not just want but need.

For me the need for a man usually has more to do with his genitalia, and that for the most part is rather straightforward. Sometimes I am attracted to muscles, but for the most part I prefer slender boyish bodies (on men and women). I do not frequently find men's faces to be all that attractive, although once in a while I see one that takes my breath away.

The need for a woman has more to do with feminine qualities that I have yet to actually define. Sometimes I refer to it as from the waist up, but that doesn't really catch it - especially since I've always preferred flat chested women. Sometimes I think it's an interior softness that may or may not actually exist. Then sometimes I just think I'm confused. Part of it may be that since the attraction to women is the "normal" side of me, I don't need to explain or understand it. One thing I'm not confused about, the more beautiful a women is, the more I desire her.

I like guys more than girls but girls are more appealing ... I've had hetero intercourse and I loved it ... maybe ... my desire for women will disappear.
Or should I have sex with a guy and that's it ?

I know it sounds silly me planning the coming out for this year like it's a new year resolution or something. But seriously I need to release, I don't want to waste more time hiding this secret. I'm ready for it but still confused.

I can't point you in the direction of any online resources. I can only tell you what I've learned about myself in the past 40 years. And likely we will hear from some other bi gentlemen in the forum. I may be going out on a limb, but I am certain that if you have sex with a guy it won't have any effect on your desire for women. That's been my experience anyway. If you had said "I've had hetero intercourse and it didn't really turn my crank," that would be another story.

As far as planning on coming out this year though, no it doesn't sound silly at all, it could be a very good new years resolution if you are sure you understand yourself thoroughly and you are sure about how you are going to spend the next 40 years. Consider the following scenario: everyone knows you as gay-Robot, when you meet your soul-mate - the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. The only problem is - she's female. Moat men don't need to explain why they are marrying a woman.

On the other hand, I don't understand what you mean by wasting time hiding this secret. I've been a closeted bi-sexual for 40 years, but I certainly haven't been wasting time! I don't think it makes sense to make plans to come out until you know who you actually are. For me, after all these years, I think I'm beginning to understand who I am. And I am considering coming out - just to my family - within the next several years. It's definitely not something I'm going to do without spending a lot of time thinking it through thoroughly.

[Woollyhats]

Certainly.

Wipe Out Homophobia is non-profit initiative involved in advocating against suicide and attempts to educate people on homosexuality and homophobia. Their explanation about bisexuality is very good; and makes it much less confusing then it seems. Their page on bisexuality is titled "Bisexuality is Real".

http://www.stop-homophobia.com/bisexualityisreal.htm

The second source is wikipedia, and while you're not going to get any marks for using it on an essay, it is an excellent tool for personal education. If you would like official sources, please use the 'citations' at the end of almost every sentence, you'll be linked to further reading (which is how I shamelessly did all of my essays until we started using scientific journals in highschool).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bisexuality

Edit: Remembered Pflag! They're one of the best education tools for lgbt families - and I always forget about them! This is one of the most helpful links I could give you:

https://www.pflagcanada.ca/pdfs/bi-myself.pdf

[larafan25]

Interesting. Like.

I think girls have hot bodies, and I'm not grossed out by girl boobs or vaginas. But like, I couldn't have sex with a girl, because of her face, essentially. What I mean is that I can't have sex with a girl, because she's a girl, and that is all in the face. As long as I knew she's a girl, I couldn't. But say, if a guy had a vagina, I could do it, because it's a guy.

I don't think body parts necessarily indicate sexual orientation, I think everyone has the capacity to develop a fetish for a body part, it's just less accessible to you when that body part is on the gender you're not attracted to.

So I don't consider myself bisexual for thinking I could have sex with a woman's body, all the way, and love it, because I couldn't have sex with a woman. But I feel totally comfortable with a guy, and his face, and the fact that he is a guy.

And this is regardless of whether someone's face is masculine or feminine, I simply mean to say that a person is not their body, but their head, mostly.

[driftwood]

I simply mean to say that a person is not their body, but their head, mostly.

By the same token, a person is not their face, but what's inside their head, mostly.
But your view on "body parts" is fascinating.
You and I are complete opposites. Viva la difference.

And thanks, Woolyhats for the links. I've bookmarked all three.

[Robot]

Thanks a lot guys for your opinions. Means a lot to me.


To questioning

On the other hand, I don't understand what you mean by wasting time hiding this secret. I've been a closeted bi-sexual for 40 years, but I certainly haven't been wasting time! I don't think it makes sense to make plans to come out until you know who you actually are.

Your response has helped me a lot, makes me see this situation very differently. Like I was waking up and now I'm wide awake. Maybe it wasn't your intention the conclusion I got from your post, but it did help Thanks a lot.

Well... Yes I'm planning to coming out and yet not sure who I really am, but being sure about what I feel about guys and some kind of attraction to females. I feel like wasting time because I haven't lived my life as I am, even when I don't even know it very well, I'll figure it out. But in the meantime no one knows who I am, there will be some who don't like and some who will accept it. Some will be gone from life, some others not. But it's something that hasn't happened yet and I want to know, I need to know. This should have happened a lot time ago, because only when people knows me as I really am, then that's gonna be my true reality, not a reality based on a lie or an omited true. That's why I feel like wasting time, all the years showing an alter ego that's not me. It feels like I'm behind a fake self every second of my life. That fake self have made friends and relationships, not many though, but what about the real self, the hidden one. The more I age, the worse it feels, unsatisfying and deadly unhappy within.
I can't wait until 40 to consider the idea of coming out. I can't live an undercover affair, I don't want to. I need people to know me for who I am, I don't need them to accept me, at least not all of them.
I can invest 40 years more trying to understand who I really am and yet never get a definite answer to my questions. So this year I'll coming out, and say what I'm sure about, at least. Just wanted to know about bisexuality because of my confusion, but either way, whether I'm confused or not, I'm hiding a truth, I don't like it. Some people might live all their lives like that. But I had enough, everybody's living and going somewhere, I don't feel like doing anything, been like this for quite a long time, I deserve better for I'm a great person .
I respect your opinion, It suits you well and I'm glad to know that, but for me, well I need to pop the bubble, can't be a slave of myself anymore.

So how can I come out expressing something I'm no quite sure about right now, well I guess I'll start with what I do know, being sincere on how I feel, even telling about my confusion. The bullying, society rejections and negative stuff like that, well that's not new, so won't be huge deal more sh*t from the same a*s.
I don't need to be a perfect gay or perfect bisexual to come out, I don't need to fulfill any requirements for there's no law when it comes to coming out. Just need to have a beating heart, a living soul and a great attitude,.
So now I've decided, Even if I don't figure this out soon, I'll spread my wings this year haha, seriously though.

And Woollyhats, thanks for the links, really educative. You're awesome

Thanks guys I feel better now

[driftwood]

Maybe it wasn't your intention the conclusion I got from your post, but it did help ...
I'll start with what I do know, being sincere on how I feel, even telling about my confusion.

My intention was to help you come to your own decision, after thinking it out thoroughly. Looks like that's what you've done. I applaud your decision to include your confusion while you're coming out. That was one aspect I had never even considered. Your path will be entirely different from mine. That's fitting. This is a new century. Doing what you're doing would have been unheard of in 1976.

Good Luck