I'm not worth this much energy

[Counselor]

I did something stupid. I had a rebound relationship with someone ten years my junior, and it lasted four months to the day. I knew about two weeks into the relationship that it was not going to work, we barely knew each other before we started. When I tried to call it off, he started protesting and crying and demanding reasons why I felt we should stop. He's a sweet kid, but he's just that; a kid. I got him to agree to break it off, but now he texts me how much he misses me twice as much as he did before. I want to be nice to him, and I want to tell him to grow a pair and stand up for himself, and I want him to be okay. I know it's not my responsibility, but I feel like I'm responsible for his attachment to me.

How do I comfort him without reinforcing his attachment?!

[writerken]

Perhaps you should tell him you are sorry for stringing him along for four months mile:

[Counselor]

Cute.
Actually, I was very honest with him. I let him know when I realized I wasn't as affected by him as he was with me, and I really tried to make it work. I've even been more honest with him than I was with my wife, for some reason it was easier to let him know the worst thing about me.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

.... I know it's not my responsibility, but I feel like I'm responsible for his attachment to me.

How do I comfort him without reinforcing his attachment?!

Excuse me if I sound really mean here.

But you are responsible here.

YOU are the one who selfishly ran into his arms to tend your own wounds. He innocently believed that he was getting involved with a man who would carry through with that relationship.

Your actions hurt him.

Horribly, and I want you to think of it as horribly - you have ripped out his innocent heart and are now jumping up and down on it, seemingly without remorse or understanding of the consequences of your actions.

His only mistake was to trust.

Of course he misses you, he fell in love with you and thought you were the real deal.

Grow a pair? Really, how callous are you? He is hurt and you are the beast that hurt him.

His problem is that he still believes in fairy-tale endings and actually believes he has a chance with you. But hey, you don't care about that, its all on him, not that you had anything to do with ripping out his heart and eating it.

You lied to him for 3.5 months. 2 weeks into this you knew it was a mistake, but you selfishly clung to it and strung him along, now you feel he needs to grow a pair? Seriously?

Fortunately he will learn to harden his heart and never trust fully and completely again. He will spend the rest of his days a little more jaded and a bit more cautious. Thanks asshole.

Since you are unable to own what you have done here, you are the last person that can comfort him and give him what he needs to move on.

I take back my first sentence. I'm not sorry if this comes off being mean.

[Counselor]

Damn, I wish I was using a desktop instead of my phone, so I could clarify better:

"Grow a pair" was out of context, I'm sorry. I was referring to his home life, which I'm not impressed by his parents and their mercurial idea of rules and privileges.

The only thing I will say in my defense is that I WANT to comfort him, I WANT to take care of him. I DON'T want to make this worse for him. I asked how to do that, not "why is he doing this?" It's not a fucking mystery to me, he's flat-out told me why.

And I think if dating is really as scary as I'm starting to believe, I'll just become an internet porn creep.

[princealbertofb]

Cute.
Actually, I was very honest with him. I let him know when I realized I wasn't as affected by him as he was with me, and I really tried to make it work. I've even been more honest with him than I was with my wife, for some reason it was easier to let him know the worst thing about me.

So what's the worst thing about you? Indeed?

[princealbertofb]

Excuse me if I sound really mean here.

...
......
Fortunately he will learn to harden his heart and never trust fully and completely again. He will spend the rest of his days a little more jaded and a bit more cautious. Thanks asshole.

Since you are unable to own what you have done here, you are the last person that can comfort him and give him what he needs to move on.

I take back my first sentence. I'm not sorry if this comes off being mean.

I stand with you on this one, David, but please, no name calling.... For one thing, we hardly know this poster. It's not fair, since we don't know the whole story.

[Counselor]

So what's the worst thing about you? Indeed?

I never told my wife. I don't even know you. What makes you think I'll answer that?

[princealbertofb]

Counselor, in relation to growing a pair, I'm just wondering if you remember where you were at the tender age of 18? Do you remember if you had a pair? Maybe your circumstances were different, or easier, or more difficult. Maybe your upbringing hardened you a bit earlier than was necessary. It is possible, I'm not going to judge you. But just think back to when you were just 18. How easy was it?

[princealbertofb]

Counselor, you are posting on this site to find a solution to your problem. And so, if we are faithful to our 'tradition', we are here to help you even if it means having a few tough love answers to start with. My curiosity was genuine. I can better help when I understand where people are coming from.
Telling your wife, will, presumably, be a separate issue at some other point, if it's an issue at all.