I'm not worth this much energy

[Counselor]

She's been very gracious about it, too. She's an amazing woman.

[pellaz]

... I really tried to make it work. I've even been more honest with him than I was with my wife, for some reason it was easier to let him know the worst thing about me.

you deserve all that is coming to you, i hope he continues to text you till you take him back. serious; people are not toys, you really need to sit down and think things through, i assume this is the worst thing about you.

[Counselor]

you deserve all that is coming to you, i hope he continues to text you till you take him back. serious; people are not toys, you really need to sit down and think things through, i assume this is the worst thing about you.

I'm learning how important this concept is in my private life. It's something I get a glimpse of periodically, realizing individuality. I caught his when it was already too late.

Irrelevant, but you are an astute observer, pellaz.

[Counselor]

One of my former coworkers who is openly gay was partly responsible for my inspiration to come out, so I thanked him for it. Shortly after that, he added me on facebook. About three days later he started texting me and telling me how he used to check me out when we worked the sane shift. I had a suspicion that he had sine sort of crush on me, and finally I just asked him and he said yes, followed by a solicitous monologue. I should probably mention that he lives with his boyfriend, who was in the apartment with him during this conversation. I managed to politely point out that while I just recently ended a relationship, his vein of conversation was not appropriate when he is in a relationship.

He also detailed some of the problems in his relationship, which indicated fundamental trust issues.

As soon as I realized my former coworker (I'll call him DC) was flirting with me, I let my ex (I'll call him Teddy) know what was going on (i did this because I didn't want to surprise him later and leave him wondering why I waited). I also pointed out to DC that I had hurt Teddy deeply, and knowing this would hurt him more, not to mention assisting DC in cheating, prevented me from taking him up on his offer.


So after that blew over, and I realized how bad some relationships can be, I realized I missed Teddy. But now I'm not sure what to do about it, and I'm not keen on the idea of hurting him again.

[Blue]

Well, at least you didn't let your co worker play games with you at the expense of his partner, that's goo. Also good you did tell your partner that he had tried.

What do YOU want? Do you want to grow up and work with Teddy as a partner. If so, maybe you need to ask him if he is willing to give you another chance. Make good on it if he does, and accept it graciously if he doesn't.

[Counselor]

He asked me the same question, actually. My best answer is I don't want to be wrong.

[lizzielee]

One of my former coworkers who is openly gay was partly responsible for my inspiration to come out, so I thanked him for it. Shortly after that, he added me on facebook. About three days later he started texting me and telling me how he used to check me out when we worked the sane shift. I had a suspicion that he had sine sort of crush on me, and finally I just asked him and he said yes, followed by a solicitous monologue. I should probably mention that he lives with his boyfriend, who was in the apartment with him during this conversation. I managed to politely point out that while I just recently ended a relationship, his vein of conversation was not appropriate when he is in a relationship.

He also detailed some of the problems in his relationship, which indicated fundamental trust issues.

As soon as I realized my former coworker (I'll call him DC) was flirting with me, I let my ex (I'll call him Teddy) know what was going on (i did this because I didn't want to surprise him later and leave him wondering why I waited). I also pointed out to DC that I had hurt Teddy deeply, and knowing this would hurt him more, not to mention assisting DC in cheating, prevented me from taking him up on his offer.


So after that blew over, and I realized how bad some relationships can be, I realized I missed Teddy. But now I'm not sure what to do about it, and I'm not keen on the idea of hurting him again.

You had the wise sense not to take up the offer from DC who sounds like whoever he is in a relationship with, this behaviour will repeat itself. As for Teddy, there must of been the reasons why you two are not together. It's easy to forget these reasons when you have split and you sometimes just remember the good times and not the bad....... A break between couples will either seal the break or you will start to miss him which sounds like you perhaps are. Maybe a meet up where you can just talk and express your feelings. You can relay to Teddy you are frightened you will hurt him again and then take it from there.........
Good luck with it all.......
Take care...........don't rush anything....
mile:

[Blue]

No one wants to be wrong, but that's unavoidable, we are all wrong sometimes.

So do you thin k there is a higher chance of it working or not working were you to get back with Teddy?:
Will you make the effort to really know him, know what he needs to help him grow and improve as a person in all aspects of his life?
Will you take full responsibility for making your relationship work?
Will he do the same?

Relationships are NOT 50/50, not ones that work. They are 100/100. It's hard work making it work and, you've both got to be all in or it isn't going to work.

[Counselor]

You had the wise sense not to take up the offer from DC who sounds like whoever he is in a relationship with, this behaviour will repeat itself. As for Teddy, there must of been the reasons why you two are not together. It's easy to forget these reasons when you have split and you sometimes just remember the good times and not the bad....... A break between couples will either seal the break or you will start to miss him which sounds like you perhaps are. Maybe a meet up where you can just talk and express your feelings.

I think part of what made me miss him was that I hadn't realized some relationships can be so difficult, but it was actually simple with him. I've been a lot more open and direct with him since this, and we've been discussing whether or not we should try again.

So do you thin k there is a higher chance of it working or not working were you to get back with Teddy?

I'm not sure. I'm starting to think I have a problem with commitment in my relationships, if I haven't made that obvious already. I know he wants to try again, and I think we would be better.

Will you make the effort to really know him, know what he needs to help him grow and improve as a person in all aspects of his life?

The first part, definitely. I've gotten to know him better than I did while we were together in the time we've been apart, actually. He's stronger than I give him credit for.
The second part, however, sounds closer to parenting than I think I'd like to get, but I don't mind supporting his choices.

Will you take full responsibility for making your relationship work?
Will he do the same?

I know he will, he invested himself fully into it without even knowing me very well.
I don't know if I'm prepared to do the same thing, though, which is part of why I'm hesitating to start again. He asks me "how long until you know?" and the only answer I can give is "I don't know." I don't have a calendar for falling in love.

[Blue]

That second part, it means just that supporting his choices, and picking up some of the financial burden if he say, wants a therapist or, wants to go to college, start a new career, etc...

Don't get into a relationship you are not ready to put your all into. Be ready to share all of yourself with him. I've learned form experience that it will not last for the long haul if you can't share all of yourself, even if you have very good reasons for not being able to do that.

Take some time, work on getting yourself ready to do it right. Talk to him, if you ultimately want to pursue a relationship with him, let him know why you are hesitating. He might be a great source of support for you.