I'm not worth this much energy

[Counselor]

We have been talking a lot more. I'm not used to being so open and honest, having spent so much time in the closet and having what could be viewed as a "sham" marriage. I am becoming more dependent on him as a confidant, and it doesn't seem to bother him.

But I feel stupid for convincing him to call it off in the first place, now...

[trywait]

would it be difficult to jus be friends for now? with it being so tumultuous and all. then take it from there

[ChadCoxRox]

We have been talking a lot more. I'm not used to being so open and honest, having spent so much time in the closet and having what could be viewed as a "sham" marriage. I am becoming more dependent on him as a confidant, and it doesn't seem to bother him.

But I feel stupid for convincing him to call it off in the first place, now...

Now you sound not only more genuine and vulnerable but not ready for a serious relationship. It's interesting to me how traditional ideas about age in your situation seemed to frame the value of your mentoring him for great friendship potential. Now I can see how you've opened the potential for him to assist in mentoring you as well. You also stand for some serious payback if you engage in any relationship gaming as your "dependence" becomes increasingly valued. This totally uncovers the importance of good and clear relationship boundaries being established, respected and evolved.

As a couple, I'd suggest the need for a third, objective party to help negotiate, clarify and grow that process; otherwise, it may be a precarious effort because even though you are older and more experienced you both have some exploration to do in becoming more grounded individuals in your own sexual identities.

I'm sorry to sound complex, but it isn't really. Just important. Your willingness to explore and chat and consider are encouraging. If he is getting the same degree of opportunity that would be ultimately helpful. If not, there goes the same balance of power that was indicated in the original post.

er... imbalance? hmmm

[Blue]

So far so good, you both have a lot to learn about yourselves and each other. Age really means very little. Life experiences, individual maturity levels and, above all, trust mean so much more than age.

I know it is next to impossible to build that trust to the point that it allows both of you to share yourselves 100% but, that's where it needs to be for a relationship to work for the long haul. I know, rare, elusive, almost dream relationship and, not something those of us older an wiser (??) honestly expect, wish and hope for yeah, but the odds of it happening are pretty slim.

Work on getting to know and trust yourselves and each other, and see where it goes. Maybe good friends is it, maybe more but, don't rush, just let whatever builds do so and, don't make a mess again.