I am confused again

[Aeneas]

i don't think there's anything wrong with being open and honest about your "true nature" . why would you want to label yourself as something that you're not ? not because you want to keep an open mind or whatever , but because i believe that being honest with yourself and the people you care about is important ~

if someone is in love , then the person they're in love with being bisexual shouldn't bother them at all .

jeezus you are looking at the olive, not the whole pizza.


i misspoke - there i said it.


i just WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING. and THEY WOULDN'T ASK EITHER, because it would be implied. but i would MAKE THEM FEEL AS COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE by IMPLYING i am gay and they will not have a hard time believing it in the first place because i would be in a GAY RELATIONSHIP.


and i am done here. i think ive illustrated the point.


go tell your new boyfriend or girlfriend how you used to pick your nose when you were 4 for the sake of honesty see how he/she likes it.

[megumidesu]

english is my second language . sometimes i don't know what people mean , especially when they say something but actually mean something else .

the excessive use of capitals is really patronizing , by the way . they imply that you think i'm being really stupid right now . i don't appreciate that .

[Pix]

Also agree, just like you can be gay and NOT know what you want.


So, how is bi NOT on the fence, so to speak? It still conjures an image of some double-agent for me...

I'm really trying for understanding, since I apparently grasp it poorly. I used to think I was bi until I realized that didn't work for me, especially since I had so much more pleasure in talking to guys than I did with girls, and male bonding was as good as sex in some cases. I wanted something concrete and less vague.

Bisexuals aren't vague, they're just open to both sexes. I can understand that this is your experience, but your reality is not objective, it is subjective and not all (or even many) bisexuals are like that or could relate to your experience. Generally speaking, bisexuals are not "on the fence" because they're attracted to both genders, and there's nothing vague about it to me or to most bisexuals. Contrary to what the fundies say we're not all bisexuals until we "make a choice" to be gay or straight, it's not something we can choose at all, and though orientations have been known to change (I used to be bisexual who became lesbian, though in retrospect I wonder how much of my "bisexuality" wasn't just curiosity, but I didn't make a choice, it's just my attraction to men simply faded without any conscious input on my part). Since "on the fence" means undecided I find your question difficult to even understand, let alone answer. They've "decided" in the sense that they're aware of their orientation. But no decision on who they're attracted to has actually been made, nor can it be made (I did know one hetero who tried being bisexual as he thought "they have the best of both worlds" but he had to give it up as futile).

I'm currently with a bisexual. Unlike most bisexuals she's made a conscious choice to never be with a man again. That doesn't make her a lesbian, however, she's instead a bisexual that has become celibate toward men. I suppose in your view that means she jumped off the fence but she'd disagree with you as being bisexual is an orientation, not some fuzzy "not sure what I want." And if she's a lesbian now then all nuns, priests, new agers, or even just cynics who make a choice to be celibate (that is, NOT to enter into sexual and/or romantic relationships with those they're attracted) are asexual...and of course they're not, as both celibates and asexuals would tell you.

[Pix]

Homoflexible is a gay person who can enjoy hooking up with someone of the opposite gender (usually just sex, though crushes sometimes happen). In contrast, a HETEROflexible person is a heterosexual who doesn't mind fooling around with someone of the same gender. Think of it as another word for bi-curious without actually being bisexual.

Many lesbians have a problem with bisexuals, too. My impression is that most fear that as bisexuals they'll eventually drop a lesbian for a man, because they CAN marry a man without hassle unlike a woman. I suspect when it's no big deal for gays to marry with full equality that biphobia will become a lot less prevalent, at least in the lesbian community.

This is not to include variants that pass themselves off as bi, such as "flesbians" (fake lesbians, mostly applied to women who pretend to be lesbians to attract men, as opposed to those who fake being lesbian so that men leave them alone as "no chance for you so don't even try"). That said, some lesbians see bisexuals as sluts. Slut shaming (and general female/clique shunning) happens even in the lesbian community, I'm sad to say.

[hank]

Wow, seems guys are off put by this. I do not jump out and say, hey my name is hank rigby and I am bisexual. But getting into a relationship it will need to be said eventually, any gay guy or straight woman is going to wonder why I think so and so looks good.

[hank]

I guess I have that conversation later.

[hank]

Bisexuals aren't vague, they're just open to both sexes. I can understand that this is your experience, but your reality is not objective, it is subjective and not all (or even many) bisexuals are like that or could relate to your experience. Generally speaking, bisexuals are not "on the fence" because they're attracted to both genders, and there's nothing vague about it to me or to most bisexuals. Contrary to what the fundies say we're not all bisexuals until we "make a choice" to be gay or straight, it's not something we can choose at all, and though orientations have been known to change (I used to be bisexual who became lesbian, though in retrospect I wonder how much of my "bisexuality" wasn't just curiosity, but I didn't make a choice, it's just my attraction to men simply faded without any conscious input on my part). Since "on the fence" means undecided I find your question difficult to even understand, let alone answer. They've "decided" in the sense that they're aware of their orientation. But no decision on who they're attracted to has actually been made, nor can it be made (I did know one hetero who tried being bisexual as he thought "they have the best of both worlds" but he had to give it up as futile).

I'm currently with a bisexual. Unlike most bisexuals she's made a conscious choice to never be with a man again. That doesn't make her a lesbian, however, she's instead a bisexual that has become celibate toward men. I suppose in your view that means she jumped off the fence but she'd disagree with you as being bisexual is an orientation, not some fuzzy "not sure what I want." And if she's a lesbian now then all nuns, priests, new agers, or even just cynics who make a choice to be celibate (that is, NOT to enter into sexual and/or romantic relationships with those they're attracted) are asexual...and of course they're not, as both celibates and asexuals would tell you.

It seems the "fence sitter" is a common misconception, monosexuals don't really seem to get it. In a real world situation I may date and even marry a woman, and even be exclusive with her but it doesn't mean I just no longer find men attractive, and vise versa.

[Miles]

"Fence sitting" implies there's a choice to be made. Bi folks can't choose what they're attracted to anymore than anyone who's straight or gay. What they can choose is to be faithful to the one they're with. I'd rather have someone I can trust who levels with me than a puzzle or mystery. There's enough uncertainty in life as it is.

[Counselor]

I'll admit, I'm having more difficulty wrapping my head around it than I thought I would, but Pix explained it nicely. I used to also think bisexual men were just gay men that needed a cover or buffer when they admitted their attraction to other guys, but I'm seeing that isn't accurate, either.

[Counselor]

i enter a relationship not to read a biography. i go into a relationship to figure out a puzzle - piece by piece. certain stories will reveal certain pieces. and one day, not in a year or two but more, the puzzle will be complete.

I'm sorry, but this post only made me imagine somebody dating a flamboyant Rubik's Cube, and it made me lol.